'Sweet and tender' or 'like abuse'? Why gay BDSM 'romcom' Pillion is dividing opinion

A bold new film stars Alexander Skarsgård as a "dom" in a sadomasochistic relationship with a timid gay man. It's been hailed by some as "charming" and "feel-good" – but not everyone agrees.

Imagine a romcom where the first date involves one character licking another's boots outside a branch of popular clothing store Primark. This is Pillion, the fascinating and groundbreaking debut feature from British writer-director Harry Lighton, which explores a gay BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance and submission) relationship. This transgressive romance starring Alexander Skarsgård and Harry Melling, which opens in US cinemas next week, has thrilled film critics ever since it premiered in Cannes last May: The Guardian described its blend of deadpan British humour and daring sadomasochistic elements as "50 shades of BDSM Wallace and Gromit".

Based on Adam Mars-Jones's 2020 novel Box Hill, Pillion traces the evolving relationship between Colin (Melling), a timid gay man whose social life revolves around singing with his father in a barbershop quartet, and Ray (Skarsgård), a handsome, leather-clad stranger who struts into their local pub in the south London suburbs. Ray, who is laconic to the point of being almost wordless, spots something lying dormant in Colin and slips him a note at the bar. The next day, which happens to be Christmas Day, the pair meet outside Primark, where Ray instructs Colin to lick his boots and then to perform a sex act on him.

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This sets the template for their subsequent relationship: Ray is the imperious dominant, or "dom", who controls Colin's submissive, or "sub". We see Colin cooking and cleaning for Ray at his blandly functional flat, where Colin embraces his sub status by obeying Ray's every command and sleeping on the floor at the foot of his bed. Though the Financial Times described Pillion as a "charming, feel-good film about gay BDSM biker life", it's a long way from a traditional romcom like Notting Hill or When Harry Met Sally. "I do think it's a sweet love story, but it's one about a very particular kind of BDSM relationship: a gay leather relationship," intimacy and sex coach Dr Lori Beth Bisbey tells the BBC. "In a gay leather relationship, the power dynamic is key, but so is a strong sexual element, which isn't necessarily the case in other, heterosexual BDSM relationships." In an especially memorable scene, Colin and Ray wrestle erotically to the incongruous sound of Tiffany's pop banger I Think We're Alone Now.

Since it made a splash in Cannes, Pillion has been almost universally praised by film critics. It currently holds a "100% fresh" rating on review-aggregating website Rotten Tomatoes, where it's described as an "unconventional romance that soars thanks to its nonjudgmental perspective and knockout performances". The Independent hailed it as "one of the sweetest, sexiest, and most tender films you'll see all year", while due to its festive setting, the BBC's Martha Henriques said it is "sure to become an alternative Christmas classic". It's also picked up prizes at the British Independent Film Awards, where it was named best British independent film, and the Gotham Independent Film Awards, where Lighton won the best adapted screenplay award, and just yesterday it received three Bafta nominations. However, some viewers who caught the film on the international festival circuit or in the UK, where it opened in cinemas last November, have been deeply troubled by aspects of Colin and Ray's relationship.

False marketing?

"For me, there was a real mismatch between the content of the film and the way it was marketed [in the UK] as a kind of 'S&M romcom'," author and broadcaster Matt Cain tells the BBC. Indeed, Skarsgård described Pillion as a "dom-com" when it played at the BFI London Film Festival in October, a witty epithet that seems to have stuck. "Going into the film," Cain continues, "I thought I was going to see a fascinating insight into the world of gay men who are into BDSM. But I don't think Pillion is that at all. It's about a very specific relationship, which doesn't feel romantic to me and basically looks like abuse." Cain's take is echoed by a commentator on X, who felt the marketing was "not accurate because [the film] was not sweet nor a romcom", and another, who described the film as "depressing", declaring that "Ray was literally abusive" and asking whether dom-sub relationships are "really like that in real life?". Meanwhile on Letterboxd, one reviewer wrote that "maybe the whole point was to portray an unhealthy relationship, but even so it could have been done in a more empathetic way", and a second described it as "a brilliant portrayal of an abusive BDSM relationship but added: "I just wish these weren’t the only portrayals of BDSM relationships we got in media".

Liam Wignall, a senior researcher at University of Brighton whose work primarily focuses on non-heterosexual people who engage in kink practices, agrees that Colin and Ray's relationship could be construed as abusive. "The dynamic between them isn't a healthy one," he tells the BBC. "At the start of the film, it looks to me like Colin is showing signs of social anxiety and possibly depression. He doesn't have much of a social or romantic life, and then suddenly this person comes along who doesn't say anything but simply indicates that he wants Colin to do things for him." To Wignall, Ray's behaviour is less that of a "typical dom" and more "somebody taking advantage of a person who’s in a very vulnerable position".

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Though Bisbey praises Pillion as "one of the most authentic depictions of a leather relationship I've seen on screen", she also suggests it's missing a key scene – one which might make the central relationship seem healthier. "We never see a negotiation between Colin and Ray as to the terms of their relationship, which to me is one of the few things about the film that isn't authentic. In BDSM relationships, that conversation always takes place," Bisbey says. Yet at the same time, she can understand why Lighton omitted this from his screenplay. "From a film-maker's point of view, that conversation would slow things down and break the tension," she says. Skarsgård's Ray remains a bewitching enigma right to the end of the film, which adds to the character​​'s exotic charisma. He speaks with a suave American accent and looks like the Hollywood star that Skarsgård really is, but we never learn how he ended up in a quiet corner of south London. And while we see Colin trundling through his humdrum job as a parking inspector, there's no insight into how Ray funds his lifestyle or spends his daytime hours.

Wignall argues that this alluring elusiveness tips the film into "fantastical" territory. "Because there's a lack of discussion about the limits of their relationship, and because Colin just seems to click into place as Ray's sub with no real communication, it doesn't feel like real life," he says. However, it should be noted that Lighton took strides to make the film authentic by spending time with the Gay Bikers' Motorcycle Club, the UK and Europe's largest LGBT+ motorcycling club. Some of its members have supporting roles in the film as biking comrades of Ray. 

Ian Wilson, who also appears in the film and served as its unofficial "kink coordinator", has said that Colin and Ray's dynamic contains echoes of an unhealthy relationship he experienced. "I think we discover Ray in the same way that Colin does. We see him at the beginning of the film as this gorgeous guy… And we gradually fall out of love with him," Wilson told GQ. Skarsgård's character doesn't change much as the film progresses, but Melling's Colin gains in confidence and shows glimmers of agency, which feels like an important development.

The Fifty Shades comparison

Pillion isn't the first film about a BDSM relationship to weather controversy. Most notoriously, the first instalment in the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy was met with protests when it opened in cinemas in 2015. Campaigners felt that its central relationship, between a domineering male billionaire and a meek female college student, was desperately unhealthy. Natalie Collins, who led the 50 Shades is Domestic Abuse campaign, told the BBC at the time: "We are really concerned about the way that he stalks her, he coerces her into sex, he coerces her into giving up her car, he harasses her, he's emotionally abusive." However, Bisbey is roundly dismissive of comparisons between Pillion and the Fifty Shades of Grey films, which are based on bestselling novels by EL James. "Most people in the kink community hate those books and the films because they contain every single bad cliché about BDSM that you could find," she says. "Whereas I can't think of another film that's depicted BDSM and leather relationships like Pillion. It's just brilliant."

Alamy

In a way, the polarising response to Pillion is a reflection of its success. In the UK, it has grossed almost £1.5m ($2.1m) at the box office, a very respectable tally for an independent film dealing with unconventional and potentially challenging subject matter. "Five years ago, a film like this would probably have played at [London's London LGBTQIA+ Film Festival] BFI Flare and other queer film festivals," entertainment journalist Marcus Wratten tells the BBC. "But in 2025 and 2026, Pillion has really had a high-profile rollout with Alexander Skarsgård promoting it on Graham Norton's BBC talk show." Wratten, who hailed Pillion as "hilarious, heartening and oh-so horny" in a review for Pink News, also believes the film could be a game-changer in the way "queer sex and sexuality" are portrayed on screen.

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However, Wignall just hopes that audiences take Pillion's depiction of gay leather culture with a hefty pinch of salt. "Because it's attracting an audience who aren't from the kink community, I do worry that some people might take it as representative of all BDSM relationships," he says. "Whereas I would describe Pillion as a movie with BDSM elements that is very much a fantasy." It's worth noting that Lighton, the film's director, has said he didn't set out to make an archetypal movie about gay BDSM relationships. "If I felt like I was setting a precedent for gay romances with the story, then I would have been wary about telling this one," he told Screen Daily. "I like knotty stories, and I was intrigued by the possibility of [showing] a relationship which was in some ways rose-tinted, but in some ways very much the opposite."

Meanwhile, lead actor Melling has opined that a moral "grey area" is deliberately baked into Pillion's DNA. "It's important for there to be a discussion and for [audiences to be] able to judge Ray for acting sort of inappropriately, but then to go: 'No, wait a minute. Maybe there's something more going on'," he told Gold Derby. Taken on these terms, Pillion already looks like a roaring success. Lighton's debut is a bold and bracing piece of film-making that doesn't just offer an insight into gay leather life, but also makes us question what a healthy relationship looks like. Whether it's "sweet" and "feelgood" is perhaps a little more subjective.

Pillion is in US cinemas from 6 February.

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