'My children would come at me with scissors'

A single mum of four has said she felt "horrified" and "ashamed" to have been the victim of aggressive attacks by her own children.

"They would literally come at me with knives and scissors," she said.

Laura (not her real name), from West Sussex, said she did not know how to get help and that "violent" incidents involving her children might go on for an hour.

One Sussex-based group offering support to families regarding child to parent aggression said it had seen referrals growing year on year since its founding in 2020, now receiving on average 40 per month.

Jane Griffiths, CEO of Sussex Capa First Response, said over the past five years it had seen a 500% increase in referrals.

She said the increase would partly be down to awareness raising.

"People now have a name for it: child to parent aggression," she told BBC South East.

Laura's four children are all under 11.

Her two oldest children would get excellent school reports but at home "extreme rage" would suddenly "burst out of them" at unexpected moments.

Both are on waiting lists for neurodiversity assessments, she said.

Child to parent aggression can be more common in families with neurodiverse children.

"I've been spat at, had my hair pulled, been bitten," she said. "Literally to the point where it's really really hurting and I can't get them off."

She needed to get help but told BBC South East she thought she would be judged.

"I felt quite horrified at myself," she said. "I felt really ill equipped, scared and out of my depth."

When she finally got support, she felt "relieved" to meet other parents battling to keep their homes safe.

Educational consultant and behaviour adviser Marie Gentles said some children may turn to aggression against their parents because of unmet needs and undeveloped coping skills, and that it was "rarely about anger alone".

"When facing such a challenge parents need to balance calm and consistency," she added.

"Children need adults to be predictable when things feel chaotic."

Figures from Surrey Police show that 10 years ago there were 522 reports of child violence towards their parents or carers but in 2023 reports more than doubled to 1229.

Partial data for 2025 showed there had been 961 reports up to November.

BBC South East submitted Freedom of Information requests to all South East police forces but Kent and Sussex Police were unable to provide data.

Support groups say the true figures could be far higher as most parents would be reluctant to report their own child to the police.

Det Supt Dave Higham from Kent Police said the force worked closely with partners including social services to ensure all parties are appropriately safeguarded when offences were reported.

"'Our highly trained officers can spot the signs of domestic abuse in all its forms and intervene to protect victims from further harm," he added.

"They also investigate any reported offences with the victims' wishes taken into account, as we know that a criminal prosecution is not always the desired outcome especially when the offender is very young."

Sussex Police Supt Michelle Palmer-Harris said the force worked with partners to "support families, divert children away from criminality and put safeguarding measures in place if appropriate".

"Police, social services and the dedicated community organisations focused on this issue are there to support you," she added.

"If you report incidents or concerns to the police, it won't necessarily result in criminal proceedings, but it will allow us and our partners to get you the help you need."

Helen Genty runs Kith'n'Kin support groups in Tonbridge in Kent.

She said reasons for aggression could include children being "exposed to pressures socially, in school and from social media" on top of parents feeling "stressed with work, finances, mental health, and relationships".

Genty says this pressure could cause parents and children to have "nervous systems on high alert" which can then "flip into fight mode" at any moment.

Laura said it took courage to ask for support but that there was "loads of excellent help out there".

She said: "The more I've reached out the more capable I've felt. I can't control [my kids'] behaviour but I can now control my behaviour."

The Home Office said its mission was to halve violence against women and girls in a decade.

"Prevention and early intervention with children is fundamental to this – including improving the response to child to parent or caregiver abuse," a spokesperson said.

They added that measures to better support children and their families included developing a statutory definition of child to parent abuse, updated guidance, and a new helpline for young people concerned about their own behaviour.

• If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this story, information and support can be found at the BBC's Action Line.

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