Football provides festive comfort for bereaved dads

A men's football team united by baby loss is urging people to support those who may be struggling with grief and loneliness at Christmas.

Sands United FC Bury St Edmunds was set up by Freddie Kizis-Stevens in Suffolk following the loss of his son Noah during his wife's pregnancy in 2021.

Players meet for a game once a month and head to the pub afterwards. Some say it is their only chance to talk freely about their child.

"If you do know someone that's experienced baby loss, Christmas can be a very isolating time, so I would advise to reach out, acknowledge their baby," said Mr Kizis-Stevens. "Say their name — it's a really meaningful thing to do."

Mr Kizis-Stevens said it was important for anyone who had suffered a similar bereavement to try to seek help from family, friends or specialist groups.

He said the unexpected loss of their baby had been harrowing and led him to contact the Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Charity (Sands) to set up a local football team to give men more opportunities to talk about their bereavement.

"The reality is there's quite limited support for men, particularly around baby loss," he said.

"I'm sure there's plenty of men who could come to the football, but just don't know it's out there.

"There needs to be an understanding that men do grieve differently to women and need a different kind of support."

Sands United has grown to 40 clubs across the UK since being founded in Northampton by Rob Allen for those who have lost a child during pregnancy or shortly after birth.

His wife Charlotte lost their daughter Niamh while 39 weeks pregnant in 2017.

A charity football match for Sands was held at Northampton Town FC's Sixfields Stadium the following year.

A club was then set up to compete in a local league, spawning the network of teams.

The story was celebrated by chart-topping singer Lewis Capaldi in an alternative music video for his 2023 hit Pointless.

The players wear football shirts bearing the name of their child under the club crest.

For Chris Jackson it is a chance to open up and share ideas on how to mark anniversaries and festivities.

He often finds that other bereaved dads have been doing similar things.

"We can say little things we do — I go up to my plot for my little boy and we decorate a Christmas tree — and then someone [else] says 'we do this'," said Mr Jackson.

"This is my one time a month I get to do something for my boy and be surrounded by people where I don't have to be scared about saying what's gone on, or that it's going to cut a conversation as soon as I say his name, or what we've been through."

Peter Jenkyn's daughter Matilda died suddenly, just 20 minutes after she was born in 2018.

He said the "traumatic" experience changed him forever, but his younger daughters had provided him with some peace.

In addition, he said Sands United had given him a "community"

"It's given me comfort and belonging, and I think all these guys would say exactly the same thing.

"We look after each other."

Visit the Sands website for details of how to contact the Bury St Edmunds and Northampton teams, and also teams in Ipswich, Norwich and across the country.

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