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Mum had 'petrifying thoughts' after birth of daughter

Katie Thompsonand
Sian Filcher
News imageBBC Two woman and a child in the picture. The woman on the left is wearing a red cardigan, a patterned top, has short dark hair and is wearing glasses, she is smiling at the camera. Next to her is a woman in a floral long sleeve top, wearing glasses with shoulder length brown hair and she is smiling. On her knee is a little girl with a long sleeved purple top and long dark hair. They are all sat on a grey sofa.BBC
L-R: Emma's mother Chris Kennard with Emma Elmas and five-year-old Lucy

A mum has shared the harrowing effects of her postnatal depression in a bid to help the charity she credits with saving her life.

After the birth of her third child, Emma Elmas said she began to have "petrifying" intrusive thoughts and considered taking her own life. She also started self-harming.

She believes she would not be here today had it not been for Acacia Family Support, which helps parents in Birmingham going through pre and postnatal depression and anxiety. But the charity is facing a funding crisis and has launched a campaign to highlight its work and boost donations.

The city has the second-highest rates of perinatal mental health conditions in the country, it said.

Elmas had a traumatic birth with her second child but it was during pregnancy with her third daughter Lucy that she began to experience "horrific" flashbacks.

Postnatal depression set in and she began to self-harm.

The 41-year-old from Cofton Hackett, Worcestershire, said: "I started having intrusive thoughts. They were starting to control my life. It was awful.

"I stopped wanting to interact with my two children. I wasn't taking an interest in things and I was crying constantly. I was like a zombie most days.

"I was in a very dark situation."

She described feeling unable to do everyday tasks like washing the dishes and preparing dinner.

"I was feeding and changing my baby but I was surviving. I wasn't living."

It was when her husband suggested going to the doctor, she found out about Acacia.

She had a weekly phone call with a trained advisor and said the support "turned her life around".

News imageEmma Elmas in glasses and a floral top is smiling at the camera. She is wearing a necklace with a blue pendant and is sat on a grey sofa with a round mirror behind her.
Emma Elmas has urged mothers to seek help if they are experiencing pre or post-natal depression

"Without them I don't know where I'd be," Elmas said.

"There's a good chance my kids wouldn't have their mummy today if I hadn't had Acacia."

One in four mothers suffer from depression, anxiety or other serious mental health issues during pregnancy or in the first year after childbirth, the charity said.

Major funding cuts have left it staring at a £150,000 black hole.

It comes in the wake of NHS funding cuts and significant reductions in charitable donations and grant income that will cost Acacia 20 per cent of its overall budget in the coming 12 months.

News imageA woman sat on a red sofa. She is wearing a cream jumper and a patterned shirt underneath. She has greying dark short hair and is smiling at the camera.
Acacia acting director Becky Douglas-Jones said it needs to raise an additional £150,000 every year just to maintain its current level of service

Many families could go without vital support unless the funding gap is plugged, it said.

Acacia acting director Becky Douglas-Jones said: "We're a local charity. We're here for Brummie families, supported by local volunteers and staff who've been through perinatal mental health problems themselves and are motivated to go the extra mile."

The charity offers quicker access to mental health support than is typically available via many public services, treating women before they need advanced interventions.

Mum Chloe Heath was also helped by Acacia after the birth of her second child Margot.

The 30-year-old from Kings Heath, Birmingham, struggled with postnatal depression and anxiety after the birth of her son Arthur, who is now seven, which increased after she found out about complications with Margot's pregnancy.

Margot suffered a collapsed lung after birth and spent a week in intensive care.

"It was touch and go, we nearly lost her," Heath said.

She explained how reality hit when the post birth appointments slowed down. Her anxiety took over and depression crept in.

News imageChloe Heath in a black top with long blonde hair. She is sat on a grey sofa with grey cushions and is holding a baby, who is wearing a chequered dress with a red heart on the front.
Chloe Heath said Acacia was a "lifeline" to her

'I wasn't coping'

"It was really hard. I was just trying to get through every day. I was feeling so overwhelmed and so fixated on having everything under control and I didn't," Heath said.

"It was the sheer overwhelm and feeling like I should be coping, but I wasn't coping, like I wasn't good enough to be their mum.

"The mask was very much on and it was a case of getting through each day and hoping it would just get better."

Heath described how she would get tearful and run to the bathroom to cry away from the children.

"It just takes over, you expect to be happy all the time."

Her midwife told her about support available from Acacia and she started to have sessions with one of their "befrienders", which includes counselling and a crèche space so their baby is cared for while the mum receives support.

"I'm in a much better place. I'm calmer, I'm not trying to control everything. I'm happier," Heath said.

Both Heath and Elmas are backing a campaign by the charity called Motherhood – Not What You Expected? to increase its donations.

If you have been affected by any of these issues, you can visit BBC Action Line at bbc.co.uk/actionline.