Nurse starts support group after bereavements

A paediatric nurse whose husband and son both died from a rare genetic disorder says a bereavement support group she has set up allows people to "laugh, as well as cry" in sessions.

Amber Selvey's son Daniel died in 2023, just before his 25th birthday. Her husband Jason died in 2017 aged 47.

Both had a rare genetic disorder called Alagille Syndrome which primarily causes problems to the liver and heart but can also affect other organs.

Selvey, who works at the QEQM hospital in Margate, said: "Grief never goes, life carries on around you but that stays with you forever, it doesn't matter if it was two weeks ago or twenty years ago."

Selvey said her husband Jason was "a devoted family man" who had "strong, traditional values".

"With five children, life was always busy, yet he always made time for each of them. He loved football, a passion he passed on to his children," she said.

Her son Daniel shared his father's love of football and from a young age, before his health deteriorated, played for local teams including Whitstable Town, she added.

She said: "Despite everything he faced, Daniel was known for his warm nature and the cheeky grin that rarely left his face."

The new bereavement support group will be a place where people can come and share their stories and know that people will understand.

"We do laugh, as well as cry in these groups," Selvey said.

"I think sometimes people feel guilty for moving on and still having moments of joy in their life, but you don't want to be sad all the time.

"You want to live for that person and bring their memory with you."

Selvey, from Whistable, said people often "shut grief away in a box" not talking to others about it because they "don't want to be a burden".

"Up until the funeral you often get lots of support, but after the funeral, that support often dies down," she added.

She is now studying to become a counsellor after successfully applying for funding for a degree from The Evie Dove Foundation.

The charity was set up by the parents of 13-year-old Evie Dove, from Sandwich, who died from a brain tumour in 2022.

It supports access to care by funding training for children's healthcare professionals and to date has funded training for more than 250 professionals across the UK including doctors and nurses.

Matthew Paxton, trustee at The Evie Dove Foundation, said Selvey's application for funding "really stood out from all the rest".

He said: "She was still working on the children's ward at night and she still wanted to go on and get further education to better herself so she could help other people."

She was "exactly the sort of person" the charity was looking to invest in, he said.

Together in Grief meets at Revival Food & Mood in Whitstable every third Wednesday of the month.

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