Coercive control victims speak out for campaign

Three victim-survivors of coercive control have shared their stories to help others spot the signs and act.

The Northamptonshire Serious Violence Prevention Partnership (NSVPP) said the "It's Not Love, It's Abuse" campaign - using the words of Anne, Paul and Louise - showed how it could develop gradually over time.

In words voiced by an actor in a campaign video, Paul said his wife changed the day after they were married and it left him "completely broken".

Louise said it was possible to "rebuild" your life. She said her husband broke all her belongings and constantly mocked her.

She eventually left him at her seventh attempt, Louise recalled.

"You can rebuild, it can be done and I'm sat here as living proof you will be able to stand again," she said.

Anne said after she married her husband, he "took control and never handed it back".

She said her life looked perfect on the outside, but instead he treated her like a "trophy" and had a temper she was "terrified of".

"It wasn't love because that's not what love is," Anne explained.

"Love is mutual, kind and gentle and what I lived wasn't, it was non-stop.

"He never hit me, he didn't have to. It was a rollercoaster I could not get off."

Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour whereby someone repeatedly controls, intimidates or isolates a person.

Over time it can cause someone to feel anxious, withdrawn and completely dependent on the person harming them, the NSVPP said.

The partnership is made up representatives from the police, fire service, probation services, the youth offending service, councils, the NHS and the county's police, fire and crime commissioner (PFCC).

Rachel Duncan, chief executive officer of the Northamptonshire Domestic Abuse Service charity, said: "Through the Domestic Homicide Review process, we have heard from families who sensed something was wrong but were unable to identify it.

"This campaign aims to help friends and family identify the warning signs of coercive control; a dangerous form of domestic abuse that must be treated with the same seriousness as physical violence."

• Spending less time with friends and family
• Continually cancel plans
• Pulling away from activities they once enjoyed
• Seeming anxious or worried about their partner's reaction
• They "have to check" before making plans or talk about what they are "allowed" to do
• Avoiding places, people or activities their partner "doesn't like"
• Suddenly justifying spending, having to show receipts, or get approval before purchase

If you know of anyone in danger, or are in danger, call 999.

If you dial 999 but cannot speak, press 55 when prompted by the operator. This is called the silent solution.

For non-emergencies, call 101.

Source: Safer Northants (West Northamptonshire Council)

Danielle Stone, the Labour PFCC for Northamptonshire, said: "By sharing their experiences, Anne, Paul and Louise have helped shine a light on how this abuse can develop and how it can strip people of their freedom, confidence and sense of self.

"Their voices are central to this campaign and will help others recognise the signs sooner."

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