Coronavirus: Is lockdown making only children lonely?

Ten-year-old Ellis might have missed out on his skiing holiday because of the lockdown, but his mother did not want him to miss out completely - and arranged a big surprise for him in their garden in Nelson, Caerphilly.

They had all the right gear, and with the help of a few white bedsheets headed to the make-believe slopes.

Although they have been making the most of their time together as a family during the lockdown, as an only child, Ellis has mentioned he is feeling lonely.

"He used the word: lonely," said his mother, Bethan Cambourne. "It's such a sad word, so I wanted to know more and I asked him what he meant.

"He told me he loves being with us, but that he misses kids his own age. He's a part of loads of stuff - the rugby club, football, drama. He's always doing stuff with other kids."

So Bethan has been making a special effort to make happy memories.

Apart from the skiing trip to the back garden, they also celebrated the birthday of Ellis's favourite toy Garry the monkey, spent the night at a "hotel" from the comfort of their own home and set up a full crazy golf course on the lawn.

"I try to think of fun stuff to do," says Bethan, a high school PE teacher. "It takes a lot of time to plan and it doesn't last very long, but it is a good laugh! Ellis joins in with the ideas now too."

But in the quiet times, Ellis misses his mates.

"I'm lucky, he can entertain himself and he loves my company too, well, I'm a big kid really. But he does miss that age I think."

Bethan has made sure Ellis gets lots of opportunities to talk with his friends.

"He's been doing Google Classroom with the kids at school and with his rugby mates. So he has kept in touch and seen faces on screens. But it's not quite the same thing, really is it?"

"Boring!"

That is how seven-year-old Twm describes the last month or so of lockdown without the company of any of his friends. As an only child, he cannot wait to be with them again.

But, according to his mother Ceri, the lockdown has given them a chance to do things as a family they would not usually have the chance to do - from baking together to writing a letter to post to his grandparents.

She does not believe parents of single children should be more concerned than any other parents under these circumstances though.

"He has no-one to fall out with. We don't have that problem - but it's down to us to keep him entertained."

And when there is work to juggle too, it is challenging.

According to psychologists, the most important advice for parents is to listen and validate their child's feelings.

"I think the best thing would be to listen and sympathise," says Elenid Glyn, deputy lead educational psychologist for Gwynedd and Anglesey council.

"Adults feel the need to keep their kids happy all the time, but kids aren't happy all the time. It's important we don't rush to say, 'tut, you're fine,' when they're telling you they're not. We need to validate their feelings. There's no right or wrong emotion."

As a mother to an only child herself, Elenid knows what it's like to juggle working from home and keeping her daughter happy.

She says that seven-year-old Heti misses imaginative play and games with her friends the most.

"She can't wait to play tag again," Elenid says.

Her advice as a psychologist is to show kids what can be done to make things better, and to ensure opportunities to socialise from a distance.

Psychologists say it is too early to say what the effect of long-term social distancing might have on only children. There has not been an academic study as yet.

Gwynedd and Anglesey councils' team of psychologists are more concerned about the effect the lockdown might have on vulnerable children. They have been looking at mental health and well-being training packages in preparation for the extra cases they are expecting to see when the schools reopen.

"Domestic abuse has increased, and we're worried about children in those homes especially," says Elenid. "They are the kids who will need a lot of support when kids get back to their lessons. We have to see what the effect of trauma will be on them."

But as a mother, Elenid thinks there are factors to consider regarding the well-being of only children also.

"I've noticed that my daughter has grown up fast over the last month. She hasn't been able to be as free as usual. When a child has a brother or sister, they have to negotiate more and use more playing skills.

"Will an only child lose some of those social skills? We just don't know."