'I'd hit rock bottom and was drinking for breakfast'

A mother who became addicted to alcohol after her husband's brain injury has founded a sober support network to "redefine" recovery from alcoholism.

Nicky Wake, 53, from Manchester has always enjoyed a drink.

Describing her teenage self as a "party girl on the Hacienda podiums" in the 1990s, she said "you don't do that sober".

Her husband Andy suffered a severe brain injury as a result of a heart attack in 2017 and she said from that moment, a switch flipped in her mind which drove her to drink.

Now, nine years later, Nicky has begun a community for others to "enjoy the freedom of sobriety".

The Sober Rebel Society will launch later this month at a booze-free party where attendees are encouraged to "raise a glass - without the alcohol".

"We always enjoyed a drink," Nicky recalled of her years spent with her husband.

"I would never say that my drinking at that point was problematic, when it really hit was when Andy had his heart attack."

Andy Wake suffered a severe brain injury as a result of a heart attack in 2017.

"At that point in my brain that the only way I could cope with the shock and the horror that was my life unfolding in front of me was to numb that," Nicky told BBC Manchester.

She continued drinking as she visited her husband's bedside in hospital, and she "used to wake up incredulous that this was my life".

"He was so profoundly disabled, he didn't know who I was, where he was, he couldn't walk, he couldn't talk, he was in constant pain.

"It was heartbreaking to see that my beautiful, wonderful, enigmatic, intelligent, charismatic husband was just a shadow of - well he just wasn't who I married. And my life fell apart."

Nicky had become the solo parent of their 10-year-old son, Finn, and the sole manager of the couple's shared events business while Andy spent three years requiring full-time care in a specialist home.

"I was told he wouldn't survive and would never make a recovery and so I was just waiting for the inevitable.

"I had three years of anticipatory grief - where my life was just in limbo. It was a hell and I knew Andy would have hated it every second of it."

Andy died aged 57 of Covid-19, just one month into the pandemic, on 17 April 2020.

Nicky and Finn were unable to visit Andy in the home where he died due to the lockdown restrictions imposed at the time.

Nicky said she had thought the years of "anticipatory grief" would be "completed by actual grief" and make Andy's passing slightly more bearable.

But the opposite was true and she said she began to drink more than ever as she negotiated solo parenting, the isolation of the pandemic, and managing multiple businesses.

"Everybody did day drinking during Covid - I just didn't stop," Nicky said.

"I went into freefall. I thought that my anticipatory grief would be completed by actual grief, but it just hit me like a train.

"And I was isolated. I couldn't see friends and family.

"I just sat in a hot tub in the back garden and drank red wine for that entire summer. And when everyone else went back to work and stopped drinking - I didn't."

Nicky checked into a rehab centre on 6 November 2024.

"It had been a long time coming," she said. "And it took me a long time to get to that point.

"I was very much in denial for many years, which caused upset with family members and friends who were very worried for me.

"But I finally took the decision - I'd hit rock bottom.

"Absolutely rock bottom. I was drinking from breakfast. And I was thoroughly miserable. My health was in a torrid state."

When Nicky left for rehab it was the day before her son's 17th birthday, she said he told her it was "the best present you could ever give me".

"That broke me," Nicky recalled. "But also made me more resolute than ever that I knew I needed to change.

"And I couldn't do it on my own. I'd hit the point that I was fully dependent on alcohol."

Just over a year later and Nicky said she has had the best year since her husband's passing, adding the bond between herself and her now 17-year-old son is "stronger than ever".

When speaking of her recovery, Nicky said the meetings she attended during rehab were not always helpful.

"Alcoholics Anonymous wasn't for me," she said.

"I wanted to create a place where people could celebrate sobriety."

Nicky hopes her latest venture, a non-profit network for non-drinkers, can be that space for others.

The Sober Rebel Society welcomes everyone, Nicky said, even people who may just be sober-curious.

"Giving up drinking has transformed my life for the better, and I'm happy to share my story because I think it's important.

"By talking about it, it helps other people and may help them come to the same sort of realisation."

The Sober Rebel Society is hosting its launch evening in Manchester on Saturday, 28 February.

Listen to the best of BBC Radio Manchester on Sounds and follow BBC Manchester on Facebook, X, and Instagram. You can also send story ideas via Whatsapp to 0808 100 2230.