'They stole my childhood': Survivor deals with abuse 50 years on

Angela Montgomery was eight years old when she and her five siblings were taken into care and placed at the Lagarie home in Rhu.

Now 63, she still carries the weight of what happened there more than 50 years ago.

The home, a large white house set among green fields, was supposed to be a safe haven for the children of seafarers.

But behind its picturesque facade, the home was a place of fear, cruelty and abuse, according to dozens of people who have spoken to the BBC.

Angela now describes her childhood at Lagarie as like being in a prison.

Lagarie was run by the Sailors' Society, a charity which used it as a home for the families of seafarers in need of help with their children.

Angela's father, Donald, was a merchant seaman, usually away at sea. His wife, and the mother of their six children, had died after an accident.

When she first arrived at the home, Angela was awestruck by its idyllic surroundings including the building's tower, which she planned to climb to watch her father's ship sail home.

Although she missed Donald and looked forward to his visits, Angela and her siblings were initially happy in their new home.

That changed when the Reverend William Barrie and his wife Mary arrived at Lagarie in late 1972 as the home's new superintendents.

Barrie, who had been a minister of the Congregational Church, lived on the grounds in a cottage with his wife, about 100 feet from the main house.

The abuse suffered by Angela and others was first exposed by a 2018 BBC Disclosure documentary 'Suffer the Children'.

In the programme, Angela told how Barrie had raped her hundreds of times from the age of 10.

She recalled: "I remember one night he'd woken me up, took my hand and led me into the laundry room.

"He unzipped his trousers, shoved me onto my knees."

Former residents and staff claimed Mary Barrie was also cruel and physically abusive.

She would punish and humiliate the children, especially those who were prone to bed-wetting, a common symptom of childhood anxiety.

"The level of cruelty we were subjected to on a daily basis went way beyond the boundaries," Angela says.

Angela left the home when she was 16. She ran away to London, spending time in homeless accommodation.

Although she physically escaped the home, she has spent the past five decades trying to escape the mental scars left behind by it.

"They ruined our childhood," she says.

Angela has struggled with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) for decades and she is now confronting her past in a book, The Weight of Silence.

She started writing the book about 20 years ago, not with the intention of publishing, but to help her mental health.

She would wait until her two young daughters were asleep in their beds at night before sitting down to write.

She says: "There was a lot of crying, a lot of self reflection, things had built up so much because I was holding on to it."

She says writing the book has aided her healing journey.

"Since I handed that book over I haven't had nightmares about it, whereas before I had constant flashbacks.

"I felt a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulder. It was like 'that's it, I can actually breathe'."

Angela's older sister Mary says she is "proud" of her for continuing to tell their story.

Mary also experienced serious abuse at Lagarie. Throughout her childhood she tried to alert the authorities to what was happening.

Mary says what happened has left her struggling to trust people even today.

The 64-year-old says: "Children should be children and that was something that was taken away from a very young age."

Police investigations in 2001 and 2016 failed to result in any charges.

William Barrie died in 1993, Mary Barrie in 2017.

Journalist Mark Daly led the BBC's investigation into the home in 2018.

Mary says: "It makes me feel angry, there should be more accountability.

"The only person that reached out to me was Mark Daly."

Angela agrees that she felt no-one was listening until the BBC programme.

She says: "It was an eye-opener for most of us, people are listening to us, believing."

Angela hopes that the book will help inspire people who have similar experiences to speak out about childhood abuse.

"Talk to people, you will be believed nowadays. There are a lot more opportunities for people to be supported," she says.