'Trauma' for parents separated from their children

Parental alienation, where one parent turns their children against the other parent in a divorce or separation, is a mental health crisis in waiting, campaigners have said.

Families have shared their experiences with BBC South, including one father who says he was left "suicidal" after not being able to see his children.

Support group People Against Parental Alienation (Papa) gathered at the Spinnaker Tower in Portsmouth on Saturday to highlight the issue.

A spokesperson for the Ministry of Justice said it recognised that "delays children and families are facing have a real impact".

Hampshire father Damian (not his real name) has two children under the age of 10 and said he has spent years in the family courts trying to get access to see them every other weekend.

He estimates he has spent £27,000 on the process but said it was the emotional cost that has impacted him most.

"It hits you at once - the wounds that I have are the voids that should have been filled with their memories and their milestones," he said.

"That's time I can never get back, and that's the trauma, that's the human cost of being separated from your children.

"It pushed me to the point of becoming suicidal."

Joanna, from West Sussex, said until recently she had not had regular contact with her eight-year-old grandson since he was four months old.

Her son said his former partner breached a court order and moved hundreds of miles away when they split up. She said it had taken 41 hearings to re-establish regular contact.

"She would do anything to make sure that access could be denied so she would make up things about my son and that would ensure that he would not get to see him, she was using using him as a weapon against my son," Joanna explained.

Joanna and Damian are not alone. A study from the University of West London found 40% of parents surveyed felt their former partners tried to turn their own children against them.

Simon Cobb, who is originally from Portsmouth, set up Papa and says delays in the family courts are making things worse.

He said he had now started placing children's toys outside court buildings to highlight the group's Lost Years Campaign.

"Each toy represents a year that a child has lost with loved ones," he explained.

"There's probably a lot of memories attached to these soft toys, and unfortunately, that bond is now severed, which can cause massive identity issues in children as they grow up, [as well as] massive mental health issues."

The independent advisory Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (CAFCASS) represents the interests of children and young people in the family courts.

It said it takes the matters raised by the families very seriously.

Meanwhile, a spokesperson for the Ministry of Justice said: "This government inherited a justice system in crisis and recognise that delays children and families are facing have a real impact.

"That is why we recently announced the expansion of the successful Pathfinder pilot... cases are now moving faster and backlogs are lower than before the pandemic."

The Pathfinder pilot began in Dorset in 2022 and was adopted in Hampshire and on the Isle of Wight earlier this year.

It involves fewer court hearings and more emphasis on gathering evidence in the paperwork before going to court, while also focusing more on the voice of the child involved and survivors of domestic abuse.

But Jonathan Whettingsteel, from law firm Dutton Gregory in Winchester, is concerned that the impetus to hit targets may have an adverse effect on families.

"The danger is if it's done behind closed doors on paper without anyone ever seeing it, then there is that risk that you might not see justice being done," he said.

"I think its going to be as good as the judges are and we're lucky in Hampshire there are some very good judges," he added.

If you have been affected by any of the issues in this story, please visit the BBC's Action Line.