'Childbirth left me traumatised, but now I have my life back'

When hairdresser Heather found out she was pregnant aged 21 she said it was exciting, unexpected and terrifying in equal measure.

At the time Heather, from Little Gransden, Cambridgeshire, was working full-time, planning a wedding to her partner Charlie and managing her anxiety and borderline personality disorder (BPD).

She said her daughter's birth in 2023 was traumatic and led to her developing depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), but the charity Home-Start, which is supported by Comic Relief, has helped her to turn her life around.

"If it wasn't for Home-Start I might not have survived. They didn't just support me, they gave my life back - a life I once thought was impossible," she said.

Heather, now 24, remembers vividly the day she found out she was carrying a baby.

"We were planning to go to a sausage and cider festival and my mum joked with me that I'd better check I'm not pregnant. We bought a testing kit and it was positive, " she said.

Heather said she knew the triggers of her BPD and had learned how to manage her emotions.

"With BPD you can go from being on cloud nine to feelings of deep sorrow, but I was happy and in control, and looking forward to becoming a mum," Heather said.

When she was two weeks overdue, Heather's labour was induced and she had a severe tear and haemorrhaging during the birth, causing her to need surgery and iron and blood transfusions.

Her daughter Freya was born in distress with the cord around her neck and arm, she said.

"I don't remember the first time I held my daughter. Those golden moments that mums have are completely blank for me.

"Everything was done by my partner and my mum, and then the nightmare continued. I got an infection in my wound which doubled my recovery time, and at three days old Freya developed an infection and she had to have a lumbar puncture," Heather said.

"The hospital were brilliant, but it was absolutely terrifying and it's still difficult to talk about now," she added.

Heather said when she got home with Freya she felt physically broken and emotionally drained, with her mother and partner stepping in to care for her daughter.

"I started thinking I'm not good enough, that Freya prefers my mum to me. Then came the more darker thoughts, and jealousy that my partner was experiencing moments I couldn't remember.

"I went into a downward spiral with nightmares and flashbacks of the birth. I couldn't see a way out, there was no light for me - just a big black hole that I was circling around in," said Heather.

When later visiting her GP Heather had a panic attack in the surgery, she said: "I completely broke down and told them them I couldn't cope anymore, and that I was was ready to give in."

Heather was referred to the charity Home-Start, which helps families in times of crisis and its 170 branches are supported by Comic Relief. Kirsty Howat, one of the charity's volunteers, began visiting Heather.

"I just needed to realise I was a good mum, good enough to be here. It was just little things Kirsty helped me with, just getting out of the front door, going to a cafe, going to the park, and then my biggest fear, going to the baby group," said Heather.

Howat said: "Heather just needed a boost. Just to know that not everyone was looking at her and judging her, that she was good enough. It's so rewarding to see people come out of themselves and be able to live a life."

Hayley Norfolk, the CEO of Home-Start Cambridgeshire, said the families the charity supports often face multiple, complex challenges.

"It's so important that families with young children can access support as quickly and as early as possible.

Young children develop in the context of their earliest relationships.

Home-Start empowers parents to navigate challenges and to create environments where children can flourish," said Norfolk.

Heather said her life was now unrecognisable because of Home-Start's help and she was planning her wedding, learning to drive and has been considering setting up a hairdressing salon at home.

I'm proud of myself, and proud to be Freya's mummy. The past is there and will always be there, but it's not going to define my future.

"That's for myself, my partner and my little girl," she said.