Is your boss toxic? This is how to handle them

On paper, the job at a small PR agency looked ideal: a tight team, high-profile clients and the chance to build a fast-moving career.

But what Maya (not her real name) had not anticipated was a "toxic boss" who set "impossibly high standards" and publicly berated staff who didn't meet them.

"She would regularly call people out in front of the whole team flinging insults like 'are you thick?' and 'this work is rubbish'," she tells the BBC.

Maya says her manager's behaviour often strayed way beyond performance management and into personal attacks.

When a colleague said she had hired a personal trainer ahead of her wedding her boss left a photograph of a "fat bride" on her desk.

A few months into the job, Maya realised that "every single one of my colleagues would cry almost daily". There was persistent sickness among the team "due to poor mental health", she says. Maya eventually left.

Maya is not alone - one in three people have left a job because of a toxic workplace or bad manager, research suggests.

But, not every bad manager is toxic and understanding the difference matters, says Ann Francke, chief executive of the Chartered Management Institute.

Many leaders fall into what the institute calls the "accidental manager" category where people are promoted for technical skill rather than leadership ability.

In those cases, poor behaviour is usually driven by inexperience or uncertainty, not intent.

A toxic boss, she says, is different as "they lack both empathy and often self-awareness".

"They can actively undermine their team, take credit for others' work, or rule by fear and have unrealistic expectations," Francke explains.

The impact goes beyond personality clashes, creating anxiety that can damage both mental health and performance.

"If you have a knot in your stomach on Monday morning, constantly cowering in corridors to avoid confrontation or if you are scared to speak up in meetings for fear of retribution, that is toxicity, not a personality clash," she says.

Josie (not her real name) says she spent years working for a manager who kept her under constant surveillance.

"She would relentlessly call, text and voice-note me all day long, starting from 7am until 10pm at night," Josie tells the BBC. "Even on days she wasn't working she wanted to know where you were at all times."

She also took projects away from Josie and gave them to other people and excluded members of the team from group lunches.

Hannah (not her real name) told the BBC she was regularly humiliated by her boss while working for a major supermarket chain.

Once she arrived at a corporate event wearing the same jumper as one of the guests.

"My boss made me take my jumper off and work the event in my vest in November," she tells the BBC. "I felt like such an idiot and it was humiliating."

The tension between a toxic boss and one of their team members is explored in Send Help, a darkly comic survival thriller in which a manager and employee are forced to confront unresolved workplace tensions after becoming stranded together on a desert island following a plane crash.

Speaking at the premiere, Rachel McAdams, who plays the hard done by employee, says she's experienced difficult workplaces and remembers a particularly bad boss at a summer job.

“I just quit and my advice would be to quietly quit if you can and if not try and practise some zen.”

But often quitting isn't an option until you can find another role. Francke says there are ways to manage the situation while you decide what comes next. She recommends:

• Tell someone: Find a mentor outside your reporting line who understands the organisation and can offer honest, independent advice.

• Challenge the behaviour: Don't ambush your boss but book a meeting and raise concerns calmly and formally with specific examples. If your colleagues are also affected, consider addressing it together to show the wider impact. Your boss might not realise the damage they are causing with their behaviour.

• Protect yourself: Set boundaries, prioritise wellbeing and create space outside work. It can be tough, but learning how to detach yourself from a situation will help you regain perspective and plan next steps.

• Use HR carefully: If your organisation has good HR you can certainly confide in them but it's worth checking whether they have a record of tackling bad behaviour rather than ignoring it.

• Know when to escalate: If behaviour is abusive or poses reputational risk, a formal whistleblowing process may be necessary but this can be harder to do for fear of retribution.