Love Is In The Air
Dear Soyoung,
I have often wondered what women talk about when they get together. Now I know – other people’s love affairs. Can that be a more interesting subject than cars and football?
One of our Chinese readers wrote a long and interesting comment about love, on Monday 15 January. Both she and you ask me some big questions. She asked me what I think about showing feelings and emotions, and you asked me what I think about married couples who have affairs. This blog is becoming an agony column! And I think I am one of the least-qualified people to answer your questions. Firstly, I am a man. Secondly, I am a (relatively) old man. Thirdly, there are people who read this blog who know me, so I have to be careful what I say!!!
Personally, I don’t think I have any problem showing my feelings. When Arsenal (a London football club) win a match I jump and shout and kiss everyone in sight (whether they like it or not). When they lose, I cry all night. See? No problem with emotions.
As for love affairs, well, I think I had better remain silent on that intriguing subject.
It’s not even Valentine’s Day!
I’m teasing you a little, and that’s not really fair is it? OK, I’ll try to be serious for a moment. The other day I read a questionnaire about expressing one’s emotions, in a newspaper. One question was, ‘What makes you cry?’ Would you like a little list?
1) My own happiness, sometimes
2) The joy of just being alive
3) Certain pieces of western classical music (by, for example,
Beethoven, Elgar, Puccini, Sibelius, Tchaikovsky, Peter Warlock), especially when played live
4) Certain pieces of popular music from the 1960s
5) Profound evil
6) Sadness for others in tragic circumstances
7) Thinking about my late wife, sometimes
Another question was, ‘What makes you laugh?’, and although I think I laugh quite a lot I found it much more difficult to write a list of things that make me laugh. I think that’s because it’s not things but people who make me laugh.
There were other questions, too, about when, for example, you would try to hide your feelings, and how you try to hide your feelings. (One way, for me, is to say nothing rather than say something upsetting.)
As for ‘true love’, I am not sure I really understand it. Isn’t all love true love? Or are there lots of different kinds of love? I’m not even sure I understand what it means to ‘open your heart’ to someone. I don’t think I could stop my heart opening, by itself, if I was with the ‘right’ person. But I don’t believe there is only ever one ‘right’ person.
Oh, dear, Soyoung, I am completely out of my depth here. I should stick to safer subjects – like pork wrapped in lettuce with sesame seeds. It sounds good, but just a little too spicy for my taste. Here, it is time for dinner and, as usual, I have to cook. I’m going to be lazy tonight and just make pasta with a tomato and olive sauce.
Have a good day at the office.
Best wishes,
STEPHEN
SOME USEFUL WORDS AND EXPRESSIONS
agony column
page or article in a newspaper or magazine where readers ask for, and get, personal advice
teasing
embarrassing or making fun of someone for one’s own amusement
fair
reasonable, right, just
out of my depth
If you are out of your depth you are trying to deal with something that is too difficult or too advanced for you.
stick to
stay with, not move to something else
SENTENCE STRUCTURE
Here are some re-written (and corrected) versions of some sentences from your blog. Read them carefully and identify the differences.
I went to a butcher’s to buy it, in Manchester, but he didn’t know what Sam Gyup Sal was.
We then moved to a café for coffee. I prefer it to tea.
We talked a little about married couples’ affairs and real love after marriage.
The main subject of prime time Korean TV is love affairs.
A friend of mine, who wants to be a script writer, said that TV stations only want stories about love and betrayal.
But audience ratings are lower than for programmes about love affairs.
I think we have to take responsibility for the family after marriage.
However, one of us said that she could accept falling in love with another man after marriage so long as it was true love.
DON’T FORGET
All parts of sentences have to ‘agree’. Look again at your original versions of these re-writes and focus on where the different parts of each sentence agree
…I couldn’t upload many beautiful photos…
They soak pork in red wine for a week or even a month before roasting it.
When it’s fully-cooked I start eating it.
No one is married in my circle of friends and we chatted about other people’s affairs which we have heard about on the grapevine.
The main subject of prime time Korean TV is love affairs, and housewives like to watch those shows after dinner.
A few TV dramas are about hospitals, lawyers and university students.
But if I realised that someone loved me from deep in his heart, I think I would love in return.
A quick note to 'Rita' from Germany
Yes, Rita, even if it is irritating, I’m afraid it is not only correct to write ‘…it is 25 years since I was there…’, but it is probably more commonly used than the present perfect (which is, of course, perfectly correct, too). Thanks for the question.
Comments
HI, Stephen Maybe to live means constantly to take the risks, different sorts of risks. I think love makes us a bit vulnerable in some way, we cannot be sure that we would be loved in return that we would not be betrayed or be hurt. But this risk is worth taking Hope Lucie feels better Best wishes
HI, Stephen Maybe to live means constantly to take the risks, different sorts of risks. I think love makes us a bit vulnerable in some way, we cannot be sure that we would be loved in return that we would not be betrayed or be hurt. But this risk is worth taking Hope Lucie feels better Best wishes
Hi!:)You must be kidding! Do you really cry when Arsenal lose? Anyway, I do like your blogs, your and Soyoung. So pleasant and brilliant way to learn English! Thanks! By the way, what is the best way to improve understanding spoken English? In a short time. All the best and greetings to Lucy. Is she better now????
Hello,Stephen. I've writing to U first time. My english too bad for discussion like this. But I want to say'bout shows of love. I 've read somewhere that the men show their love by some deeds, and women by words.And I want to ask U If it's possible to really know english ,If U never been in GB. Alisa
Hello Stephen You are very clever in dealing with the subject of true love as our innocent Lee wanted to know. I was laughing when reading your blog, how the men poke their noses what women talk about when they get together. In your previous blog you wrote "I like its austere more minimal decorative style". If the austere means plain-non decorative then why the words "more minimal decorative" were used with austere? Could you please explain it for me. Thanks. Farida
Hi.Stephen, How are lucy yesterday?I hope she have been at school now.Between you and me,my boss left his office,I had been skiving an hour--just playing on the internet.Please don't think I am a skiver,yes very not often.I admire you,because you work freelance and do little bit of teaching.I was looking forward to be a teacher,but now I am an officegirl. I am glad to know you lived in XIAN (1980--1982).I graduated at XIAN Technology University in 2000.I know you will climb Kilimanjaro.OK, then,I hope to read your essay about your journey soon after.I am like to climb mountain too. Best wishes. Fenny. 2006.01.18 14:17
Hi Stephen, maybe there's something wrong with my company's internet. I don't know whether I can see the comment tommorrow. Why we can't see the commonts immediately in the BBC's blog until the next day? Can it change? Today's subject--Love, oh, it's a big question. In my opinion, I think if you love someone, you should tell him/her, don't be shy. If we love someone, we should leave some spaces for him/her. Don't be so tight. Oh, there are much ideas in my mind, I just don't know how to say right now. I must learn English much harder.
What makes me cry? To be honest, I always cry. I cry when I think of my grandma who died over eight years ago. I miss her SO MUCH. I usually dreamed her and cried until I woke up. I think women cry much often than men. Men always show their strength and don't cry for tiny things, not like women. Well, I always cry...
Dear all We have had a couple of questions about the comments section and here are some answers. All comments have to be checked by the BBC before they can appear on the site. So when you send a comment it won't immediately appear here. This stops people or companies sending hundreds of spam messages that are not connected with the blogs. And that makes this area easier to read. We check the comments area at least once a day (Monday to Friday) and publish all of your comments if they stay within the house rules. If you can't see your comment it may be because we haven't got it yet (some days the comments take longer to get to us than other days) or because we have already published comments that day. Thanks BBC Learning English
Hi Stephen, Don’t try to compare football and cars with Love even for gossiping. Love is more valuable than other things. You have become a better councilor than a teacher. A good teacher should possess the quality of giving counseling. Don’t think that you have become relatively old. Your words and expressions are more gentle and youthful. In your culture you can kiss to express your feelings at the time of joy and happiness. But ours are different. You can’t expose it in the public places. I believe kissing is one way of expressing our feeling. In my country people will think in a different way. They thought because of the western influence people are behaving like that. I was very much moved that the list you put about “what makes you cry”. Particularly the final one you put in ,your late wife, some time. That is the true love. You have shown it even after her death. You want to cry some time, that itself shows how much deep love…………
Hi, Your blog, and the blog's Soyoung are a great way to learn English. Since I've discovered them, I read your comments every day. I agree with you about the importance of money in our lives; it's a realistic point of view. Thanks,
Dear Stephen, I enjoy reading your blog very much not only because of the subjects you deal with but also because of the language you highlight for us to learn.For example,I had really forgotten of the expression"out of my depth" and I like it very much.I would like to ask you an easy and difficult question at the same time.Here it goes.How can I learn to write really well? I am interested in writing short texts and stories.Is it possible? Thank you in advance.I hope the weather in England improves.The weather in the UK can really be nasty as well as dangerous,very dangerous at times. Have a good weekend
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