Comments

Hi Asha, Nice to hear some preparations are going on for you to get married. When you talk about the marriage, it is indeed a strenuous task for the parents to find the suitable life partner for their children. Your parents are no exception as they are looking for all the aspects of finding a suitable and nice groom who suit your family as well take care of you. As the marriage is not just getting new life for both bride and groom, but it is the event of bring both the families together. Moreover, your parents have more concern on not only finding you good better half but also a good caring family as you have to easily adaptable to their family and get all the care also from their family members, that’s why it is important to check for their r family background. Of course, here we have to tradition to believe in horoscope to match with the life partner as most of the people believe everything goes fine if it matches, especially for marriage. I agree to some extend with this approach, but it is all depends on our individual perception. Okay, I’m signing off here. I am looking forward to see some eye catching picture of god’s own country from you in the next coming blogs.

Hello Asha! It is really strage this arraged marrige matter. I have seen the webpage and it is difficult for me to bealive that this kind of things happen. I know about e-dating but e-marrige is too much because it is for your entire life. I prefer to fell in love before marrige. Money is not the most important, so it give you a more comfortable life.

Hello Asha,the matchmaker was popular 50 years ago in Taiwan. it was out of fashion 25 years ago. However, because there are more and more unmarried people, nowadays, the matchmaker has revived and, it is the internet/computer which steps in it. Speaking of well-match, or so call " families of equal standing", it's a true fact that bride and groom need to match with their family, especially in orient society that the families have a strong ties. For the couple themselves, they also need to match by themselves, such as characters, habits, life styles... , which it concerns with family background as well, and that why the parents have to consider the family of son/daughter-in-law. For instance, How much money does a family spent for a meal? How long does a family clean their house? Does a family take a bath or a shower? When does a family clean their body(bath.shower), morning or evening?...and etc. The background of the family will decide the way of life. Therefore, who are from more similar family background will match more with each others. It's my personal opinion. Best wishes, James.

Hi Asha, I know that in India marriage is arranged by parents.I used to work with people from India, and a friend of mine went to Africa from the UK to married a girl, who was chosen by their parents. It is his second marriage because first one ( also arranged by family ) end up. They didn't suit to each other. I think the reason was, because they didn't know enough each other.So, what you,young people think about it? Do you really like it or you just grow up in this tradition and you use to do it? For me and I think for other people from Europe too, is very strange and unbelievable.

Hi " Asha " , don't angry with me if I said that these traditions is so strange.In my country -Egypt- none of these things happen, our marriage traditions are based on love,affection,mercy , and tranquility ,but of course according to our Islamic traditions . Hope you find your partner soon but without E number :)

Hi asha. It is really interesting. You can met and fall in love with somabody you have met on the internet. I can say only 'good luck' :)

Hi Asha. It is realy interesting your story. I think you can find and fall in love somebody you have met on the internet. I don2t really care where people met. I can say only 'good luck'

Hi Asha, nice to meet you. I'm Valeria from Italy. Your post is very amusing,the way you described the arranged marriage sistem...I completely agree with you, it would be time to get out of that...But I can understand your parents too,wanting to respect tradictions.You know that a coin has always two sides...so try to see the best of that, I mean take the opportunity to look at "someone"who your parents consider good for you, but if you don't like him, say them:"please try again" AH! Ah! ah! so...good luck...

Dear Asha..very strange!! in my country is the woman that chose the right partner

Hi..Asha..One of the best thing we got in our society is the right of make mistakes..and the marrieges is one of the things that we still don´t know how to deal when we realize it is a mistake..one of the hardest things is accept that isn´t easy to take something forever. and marriege is one of then, accept the end isn´t easy but its better then to keep living pretending that the marriege is good..there is no arrange marriege in my society, but its very clear that all the families use to be against marriage with people from a lower social level.it should happen everywhere..this kind of attitude will feed a lot of soap operas and books like romeu and juliet..will you accept that your family dicide whom are you going get married?? how the westerns values are cousing conflict in the india society? thanks and forgive me if my questions hurt you.

Hi, Asha! Nice to meet you :) I'm a new on BBC and it's so great to read about your such attractive country for me. I was so impressed by "Slumdog Millionaire" movie. Have you seen it? That a such exciting love story against the background truth of life! By the way, I knew at least two happy families in my environment which was created through Internet (but there wasn't any help from parents). I'm looking forward to reading you new posts :)

Hi.., you must joking!Is it true.., really..,!? Oh my god! However, it is a well planned SYSTEM! Very interesting.. Aaand, I don`t know what to say really.. Ok, next time, bye!!!

Hi Asha! I agree with Vijay that in our culture marriage is not just between two people but it brings two families together. This is the reason our elderly look at the whole family. It is good when both families are of similar status. If both families are highly different for example in terms of status then it can become difficult at times for both families. As one family might not be able to keep up with the high status family which in turn may create arguments and then everybody in the two families feel uncomfortable around each other. I also think that Parents have experience and they know who will be a good match for their daughter. Girls are comparatively very emotional and quickly fell in love when they meet a boy a few times. Boys are always nice before marriage and most of them change once they are married. Parents look at every aspect and make their decision after long discussions with other family members. So the decision is not only made by parents but a combined decision by all elderly in the family. Arrange marriage works well in our culture but it can't be applied in other societies such as Western society because of the culture differences. In our culture the girl knows that her husband will be chosen by her parents so she does not expect too much. Girls in our culture are free from all the worries to find Mr right as it is not easy for all girls to find the right person. I also think that the perception of arrange marriage is gradually changing in our society and love marriage is taking over arrange marriage. Time will tell if the newly evolving custom of marriage in our society is good or the traditional arrange marriage. I think my message is getting too long so I better get off the soap box or you will get board with reading my message. Looking forward to your new entry. Take care.

Hi Asha! I had seen before something about arranged marriages in India, but hearing from a native it gets another dimension. Currently, there is a very successful soap opera here in Brazil whose story takes place in India. I don't know if they show Indian traditions accurately, but arranged marriages is one of the most explored themes. About marriages in Brazil, love marriages are the most common. Parents get worried about the future of their children, of course, but the main decision is up to the couple. By the way, the number of divorces in Brazil increase each year. What about India? Regards.

It's the tradition in your country and it's hard to change. your parents surely will find the most suitable one for you, so just trust them. The most important part is the life after you get married. You are smart and can have a marriage life you want. Good luck.

It's the tradition in your country and it's hard to change. your parents surely will find the most suitable one for you, so just trust them. The most important part is the life after you get married. You are smart and can have a marriage life you want. Good luck.

Wow Asha, it's really shocking for me! Can't imagine what would happen if this happens in my city....a place where 1. ratio of male to female is imbalance (100 male vs ~130 female at the age group of 20-40!); 2. more & more people can't find the other half; 3. plenty of choices/ female from the nearby countries! In some aspects, your culture is a way to maintain the stability of the society, I guess.....

Talking about arrange marriage,I chated with some friends who are from india ,All they said that is often happen in your country about arrange marriage, some of them even never see each other before marriage,in fact i totally undestand what your parents thought ,by the way ,i am from china ,arrange marriage also happened in my place before ,in my opinon ,at least to prove , your parent care about you and worry about your future life ,they dont want to see you regret for married with a wrong people, at the same time ,i know that is a delighted things to getting marry with someone whom is fall in love with you ,but once you get married you will realize that you are married with both family not just your husband ,so a good family is also important for a couple. by the way ,Asha ,this is my frist to reply comment from BBC blog .i dont know if you see what i meant because my poor english . at last ,wish you have a happy life

Hello Asha. I recently read a book about India in which this arranged marriages were described.Sometimes little girls are promised to marry men or boys. I am not to judge different customs in different countries. But you have this peer pressure in every country in this world. For example,in Germany people choose each other when they are part of the same stratum. It is a decision of the mind not of the heart. I am not married with 37,so I wear no ring on my right hand. And the first look of many people goes to my right hand so that they can judge me. So I am a boy instead of a responsable man for them. And I personally didn't want to break with common traditions. I just wanted to live my life the way I really want to. And if you make your own decisions in life many people will think you are acting against them.And sometimes people must live alone because they don't find congenial persons.It is a pity. So I thank you for sharing this subject with us and I wish you all the best.

Hi Asha again, Your explanation remind me off an indian film I saw a sleepless night, I'm sorry I don't remember the title. One family had the difficult task to find the good match for their four daughters and how they tried to avoid the wrong mathches...and finally all of them fell in love and got married, of course...I found that amazing and when I read your post I realized that this really happens in your country. For us is difficult to understand because our parents normally don't choose our parner and we like to fall in love and have a love marriage but nowadays is becoming a challange to have a happy long-life marriage...Anaway, I'm very interested in how your matrimonial arrengement is going on, and Good Luck!

Hello Asha! It was very interesting for me to read about Indian traditions concerning marriage. I think that what you have in India is not so bad as you tried to put it. It is very reasonable to get married after thorough and mature consideration when a lot of aspects such as age, social position, health and others are taken into consideration. One in love couldn't estimate his or her partner properly, he or she sees no lacks in his/her partner and when he/she begins to notice them it's too late. So I think you shouldn't be too upset. If we can't change the situation we should put up with it. Anyway I wish you love and happiness!

Hello Asha! I'm really touched by this post. It's the same here infact, it's a custom is most Asian countries that parents choose the life partner both for the son and daughter. I agree with you especially at one point that it's not necessary that a person form a good family will be good and vise versa but I wish you from the bottom of my heart that may you have a wonderful life partner.All the best, Naheed

Hi Asha the arranged marriage ist also common here in Albania, especially in villages. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. I used to hate this kind of marriage, but I think that even if it don´t work, it is not the fault of the parents (or the person who makes the arragemets), because the desicion at the end makes dhe girl or the boy, so, they have to think it very well. I would like to give an advice if you permit: if you know a boy and when you met or visit his family, always "study" careful his father, because this is the way he would be in the future. I`m married since 4 years and the things I don`t like at my husband (there will always thing you don`t like)are exactly like his father. of course I would marry him even if I had know this "dark" sites before, but sometimes I`m astonished how much he is similar to his father. Anyway, marriage is a large theme, you will make your own experience...I wish all the best, and as we here always say "with a good luck" (meaning the wish that you may find a good men)

hello Asha! Culture traditions are powerful and they change slowly. I live in Finland and here young people choose their partners themselves. Many pairs live together for many years before getting married and often they may have a child before marrying. I don´t know which way is better. Many marriages end even if couples have been together for years before marrying. I only wish you good luck and hope that your life will be happy. Marikas from Finland

Hello Asha! Cultural traditions change slowly. In my country young people choose their partners themselves and many pairs live toghether for years before getting married. They may also have a child before they make their commitments. I´m not sure which way is better- to let parents to look for a partner or to fall in love and choose your self. Either way is a garantee for life together in the end of life. I just wish you good luck and happiness in your future life.

Many, many years ago a man requested the parents of his honey, if he may marry their daughter. Before, the man and woman falled in love or the woman catches his eye and he falled in love alone. Nowadays that's not commonly. :-( When I was going to get married 13 years ago my boy-friend requested my mum if he may marry me. It was not required but I enjoyed it very much - my boy-friend too and my mum in particular. ;-) Now, I will be divorced soon. I don't have so much possibilities to meet unmarried men. So I entered into an online single platform to look for and find a new partner.

Hi Asha, very nice to meet you. That was a great entry. well, I am maybe the youngest to comment here because I'm only 13. I really want to be a blogger like you but I'm too small and my English is not good enough. Can you and other friends here give me some advice about learning English. Thank you. Now, about the entry. Though I don't know much about this arranged marriage and i'm too young to talk about this, however i think that this is really weird. Of course your parents want the best thing to happen to you and this is traditional, i still believe that these thing won't go well. I just know a bit about this by watching Chinese movie and i think some people won't happy with this kind of thing.

Hi Asha, I think that that kind of getting married is a bit strange especially for young people in XXI century. In my country there are special agencies whitch try to find match for lonely people.I've read recently that such agencies are very popular among quite young people who don't have time to find a parner...Oh! What times!Best wishes Agata.

Hey,asha,it was nice to read your blog! cuz i just watched two Indian movies last night.There's sth about the arranged marriage and it caught my attention:) so i was wondering,do you guys still have arranged marriage,and today i got my answer from what u wrote! thanks for sharing your story and keep up with the good work:0

Hey,asha,it was nice to read your blog! cuz i just watched two Indian movies last night.There's sth about the arranged marriage and it caught my attention:) so i was wondering,do you guys still have arranged marriage,and today i got my answer from what u wrote! thanks for sharing your story and keep up with the good work:0

Hello Asha, How are you? your post is very interesting and I hope you find a suitable husband and happy marriage. For marriage costums in Saudi Arabia, we don't have love before marriage, the man asks the women's hand from her father or brother. They tell her about him and his job or any available information, if she accepts, they began a long search about this man, his behaviours and previuos life.....etc. Then, they arrange a meeting between man and woman (with her father or brother) to let them see each other (we cover our faces so now he can see her face and hair..)when they accept each other and feel comfortable they make a medical test to see if they have any diseases that can transfer to their children. then he give her money called " mahr" the last step is to get married in the Islamic way. I believe in love after marriage because it is more realistic and stay forever, also you dont't love your husband just because he is beatiful, but beause he is KIND and only daily life can reveal real face of any person!!!

Hey,asha,It was really nice to read your blog!All the best for your future

Hi, Asha! Wow! What an interesting topic you’ve just put forward for us to discuss. Well, let me take a shot in the dark. I reckon you must have an e number too, do you? Could you tell us your e number. Maybe I can recommend some excellent Indian young guys to you who are my students studying Medicine here in my college in China. I’m serious, yeah, I’m not winding you up. In terms of arranged marriage, it was also a kind of cultural tradition in ancient China, which we can still seldom see in rural hinterland. What is the point of getting married? I reckon different people pursue it for different reasons. Some just want to settle down with the person they really fall in love with. Others may want to live a luxurious lives with rich people. And still others just don’t want to let their parents down. Who knows where and when your life partner will come up? Maybe you will find love just around the corner. Maybe they are far away on the other side of this planet we live. Whatever, good luck to you to find your perfect life partner.

Hi..Asha.. Welcome to BBC.. bit late though.. I was the student blogger for the month of October last year.. since then, I got busy with my life and spent very less time here.. Now, I got some free time and I'm really surprised to see a kerala kutty blogging here.. Well, I'm from Andhra Pradesh and my English teacher was a keralite.. Looking forward to reading your posts and thoughts..

hi Asha, through reading your article, i guess you are from India. I think to be married , it's good idea. however, with whom you married is untidy idea. if you groom is chosen or you choose him? if he is chosen, it's mistake for not only establishing family but also considering yourself as partner because you would not provide him love which he deserves.Anyway, each country has its own culture that put limits for fiancé and fianceé to be engaged in marrige. however, we should deal with our customs with another vision if they could give us opportunity to imropve our daily life, they are welcome. yet , if they are not, they should be rejected. now we live in globlisation, each could find his partner not from his country but from others. we should be also open mind.

Hi Asha! It was really strange to read your blog, it's hard to believe that things like that are happening in nowadays life! What is strange to me is your tone of telling it, I mean the belief that it is a normal way for marriage. Well, I suppose I am feeling cultural differences in this case... However, I wish you good luck. Who knows, perhaps it is possible to find even a true love like that. Moreover there are a lot of couples who decide to marry each other themselves and then are not happy...

hello! everyone i am first time write down on blog. i don't know how it use? i wouldlike to improve my enlish skill.can anyone help or guide me? thank you i,d be really feel glade if someone respond me

Wow! Asha, First of all, let me tell you that I love meeting new people and learning about other cultures, but I confess that I'm flabbergasted! But I do understand my first reaction to what I've just read on your blog. It's a culture clash. Anyway, I loved your post and it's funny because I'm reading "Arabian Nights" and women cannot fall in love either. Good luck!

Indian girl, looking for a groom. your system is good for parents but not for young people. your freedom to choose a life mate is wrong. do you agree? Regis

Arranging marriage is in old times and some rural districts in our country, and i'm a Chinese. But i think the experience of this kind of marriage is amusing. Your blog is good!

Asha,do you miss us,as we miss you?

Hi Asha, Our culture is at transitional stage though at snail’s pace. Here, parents are used to rear child throughout life. They treat their matured offspring as a child throughout life. Hence decision on big issues like marriage is taken by parents only. No doubt, arrange marriage is an unnatural activity today (it might be right in few centuries ago when all family members were depends on the earnings of father only. Females were uneducated and were not earning member of family). In fact, arrange marriage limits/ kills the rights and freedom of females and is big obstacle in the way of her progress. Many arranged marriage couples never enjoy life because of mismatch, domestic conflict. They live together in compulsion, say live in hell but mostly not divorce each other. Courts also discourage divorce and provide ample time and opportunity to couple for repairing the relationship through counselling etc. So love-cum-arrange marriages are taking place.

Such kind of this marriage is not so bad! You may have the time you need to know your partner better and probably he already have a lot a things in common with you. The risks of not work is probably lower than in the case you find someone that you already feel in love. The real love could be built during the time you are living with. Here in Brazil there are lots of marriages that not works and the number of these cases are increasing in the last years. Another effect we have here in Brazil is the informal union between man and woman without marriage, but only living with not provided by a formal civil or religion union. I think this is really the worst way to build a family!

Hello, Asha! Pleased to meet you! Here in Brazil we choose ourselves with who we shall get married. Although relations and close friends always give their opinions and influence our choice. Besides that, we usually have a dating to know better each other before. I've already heard about arrenged married before. I cannot imagine how it is, but I sure it is a difficulty situation. Good luck!

Asha, Actually, i completely agree with you regarding to this point, in my view it would be almost impossible to reach a good person to engage concerning as we already known that nobody is perfect, neither us, you can find somebody in numbers or statistically, but if you don´t feel each other, sometimes we “climb” and overcome some problems in order to preserve that people or relationship that we love, because of respect, humble and commitment, moreover I am certain that the reciprocal it will be true. Go ahead in your point. See you in next post

Asha, You have a lot of things to comment. Hope you have money for internet. Good luck to you.

Asha, I know this is coming a totally different cultural background but this might help better than horoscopes. Which of them five would descripe you the best? http://www.winstonbrill.com/bril001/html/article_index/articles/401-450/article416_body.html I am emotional-objective person. Innovator, going further and handle Issues and sence of feeling is not the first thing I think. I trust a lot of intuitive if I don't know the facts. If you want to know more look Sengel and Horne and Human dynamics. IT was interesting!!!

Hi! Asha, Well, situation is quite same with me. My parents are quite busy to get me a good life partner. They have arranged me a few girls snaps. Well, I am quite different kind person. Infact, I love western culture. As i hv seen in most of the reply made to you by number of person, most are quite surprised to know about our stupid culture. To me it's not fair to get agree with perants decision whatever that would be.... So, i suggest you to search your partner on you own terms....ok.... I shall try to do so but I think it's quite difficult... hahahaha Because, we are Indian......

Hi, ever one. I am 15 years old girl from Afghansitan. I think that in a country like Afgahnistan love marriage is not possible for 2 reasons. 1- Parents and family members will be not ready to accept it.2- You con not trust on Afghan boys to make love merrige. I dont know about other countries boys but Afghan boys are not trustable at all. so i dont have other option but to accept only arrange merrige by my family.

Hi Asha, When I red your writing, I remember about some of indian movies. I am thirty years old and old enough to remember Avare :) Most of the indian movies also have same subject..it is strange but I think the india has most relevant parents, who are care about their childers marriage life..in some part of Turkey thinks are similar to your country, but not exacyly. in Turkey, we find our partners, who we love, after that our family seek ref. to this person, if he/she is match their children..but in Turkey, I have not seen any parents that are checking horoscopes :)nor do I..I also love s.o. and want to get married with him. two months ago, I mentioned to my mum about him...untill that time, she has been asking many many questions ref. to him...and if she chaches something that she does not like about him, she criticize him.she used to be like that when I went out with any other boys as well..luckily I know her usual behavior and do mind any more..Personally,I prefer to get married with someone, I love and my family approve..so that I am trying to make them get along well eachother..I hope you also get married someone you really love or hope your family find someone you love ;) ...greetings from Turkiye..

you have described your own position and justified yourself and really people do and say what they think to be right but you have to see and judge every part of the matter

Hery Asha...dont worry you will dfntly get a good life partner ..bcz we believe that our parrtets are like God...who always thikn for our well wishes.. I m also in in same process & i m 27 yrs old guys & a chartered Accountant by profession. thanks

hi Asha!!. Is the first time, I write in a BBC's blog . Well,I love indians movies, I know arranged marriages can be changed . is posible in your case? do your parents change their mind?, if not I recommend you seeing a good side of the situation, think in your parents and wish that the person whom will be your husband, will be a excelent partner, husband , a person who understand you, love you and respect you. I wish you have lots of love and happiness in your future life!!!congratulations for your post.greetings!