A Scottish Soldier - June 2004

I just wish I had a decent stretch of road in my back garden so I could drive round and splat the above and send the results to the RSPB and let them sort out the numbers.
I've bought a midge proof(ha!) net so that when I go fishing,Horatio and/or Grissom and their crew don't have to try and trace my whereabouts through DNA recovered from the 8,000,000 relatives of my garden squaters. Midge proof, the rascals use it as a form of assault course to train up their muscles before the final assault on my delicate self. I suppose it's a way of sorting out the wheat from the chaff so in a way I feel proud that the Midges munching me (like that?) are only the best. Mind you after that last donut I reckon quite a few are suffering with hardened arteries. Maybe I should carry a health warning......