Why women dey put dia husband work before dia own

Wen Kerry bin dey her 20s, she get work as social work.

She dey make enof money to pay her expenses and put some for savings sef. Her long term partner na graduate student wey dey work part time and na Kerry bin dey pay most of di bills. But wen e graduate and collect job offer, like dis, tins start to change.

Chicago based Kerry wey dey her 30s know say, "e collect job halfway across di kontri. I quit my job to follow am. Even though I bin happy for my career and my life, I abandon am for somewia wey I no know anybodi and no fit find work".

As time go on, Kerry come see say na true oo, she carry her partner career for head pass her own, sotay tins don spoil. She see di whole move as setback for her own career and money for plenti years.

Even though, women dey do beta pass men for education, many women tori still be like Kerry own.

Researchers for di Deloitte Woman Woke 2023 report bin survey 5,000 women for 10 kontris.

Wetin dem find be say 40% of di pipo wey ansa say dia partner career dey come first. Dem tok plenti reasons from money to social factors to di wahala of care-taking and household work.

But di biggest reason wey women tok for di Deloitte survey as to why dia work come second afta dia partner own na say, dia male partners dey make more money.

E no dey shocking becos worldwide some data still show say women dey make only 77 cents to evri dollar wey man make.

Emma Codd wey be di global diversity, equity and inclusion officer for Deloitte say "naturally, pipo go dey wey go say, 'dis pesin dey earn pass' mostly wen tins don hard, di pesin wey dey earn less fit say, 'well, make my career rest small', weda na conscious or unconscious decision."

Professor of Sociology for Hunter College for New York City, Pamela Storne say either way, di choice make brain.

Dis woman don follow co-write two books Opting Out? Why Women Really Quit Careers and Head Home and Opting Back In: What Really Happens When Mothers Go Back to Work.

Stone say plenti of di women wey she interview for di books "bin see di man dey rush full speed and prosper. So wen dem dey tink am to decide, dem go say tins like 'I know say e go make far more money dan I ever fit make'."

Stone say di choice go become less emotional wen e dey about money. She say, "no be say di women no get vision or wia dia stance dey. Na about who get chance pass.

"If you be pesin wey dey play bet, you go bet on di man career say e go dey stronger becos geder discrimination still dey di market."

Codd howeva say bet dey kickstart dangerous circle becos woman wey keep her own career for back no dey very likely to reach dia true earning potential or even match di money dia partner dey make.

Codd say, "di reality na say e go dey great to see more women to be di primary earner. But if plenti women no dey prioritize doa career, then di chance say dem go be primary earner for di family go reduce."

Even if women dey make more money dan dia husband, e no guarantee say her career go dey front.

Plenti cases wey Deliotte tok for dia report, women wey dey make money pass dia husband still put dia career for dia husband career back.

One in 10 women say na dem be di primary earner for dia partnership. But 20% of dat group say dem feel pressure to put dia partner career first.

Codd say "dat number shock us small. Weda na culture wey fit help explain dat one. Who know."

E mean women no dey only put dia husband work first becos of money but social pressures and expectations dey inside too.

For multi-generational study, Stone and her colleagues do interview for more dan 25,000 graduates of Harvard Business School.

Dem find say even though di majoritoy of women bin expect say dem go marry wia both of dem careers get equal importance, more dan half of all di men from Baby Boomers to millennials bin expect say dia own careers go come first.

Di men expect to be "breadwinner", word wey get meaning above who dey make more money.

Research data show say men mental well-being dey tied to weda dem dey make more money pass dia partner.

One new Research Center survey show say to be only earner dey create anxiety but stress levels dey also rise wen di woman dey make pass 50% of di household money.

Wen men see dia selves as breadwinners, some research show say dem no get respect for dia wives career like dat.

And dat too na anoda circle, na wetin Stone tok, wey say wen man devalue im wife career no dey allow her rise meet or exceed im money.

Sometimes na women dey carry dia own hand devalue dia career either on purpose to keep peace for relationship or unknowingly becos di whole time go just dey move and dem no go know.

For Kerry relationship, she say e become clear say her partner like as her career take backseat.

She remember wen im tell her, "I like to take care of you", wey bite am even though na good tin.

"I bin no feel like im appreciate di sacrifices wey I make like di way im suppose appreciate am I no tink e fully understand", she tok. Kerry say she enta traditional gender role wit out knowing and realize say no be wetin she want and di two of dem break up.

Codd say "pipo fit fall for gender norms. E fit happun unconsciously."

Sabi pipo say women no dey reason dia own careers like dat becos of di oda tins dem gatz do like home and family responsibilities wey dey fall for dia head, gbim.

According to di Deloitte report, "even though 88% of respondents dey work full time, more dan half of dem get primary responsibilty for domestic work like cleaning or depandants care. Only like 10% say na dia partner get dat work."

Codd say dis fit be say dem no dey reason dia career like dat becos dem don tire.

"You dey work full time and den come house to do plenti tins for evening and for weekend and before you comot for work. Di tiredness, di burnout, all di tins wey we sabi about mental health, you fit imagine say along di line you go tok say I no get strength. I no get di energy to give my career."

Even if dem no consciously decide to put more priority for caretaking and oda household responsibilities pass dia career, Codd say labour go still fall for di woman.

She say, "those responsiblites no just dey comot. And sometimes dem go enta your working day. We know say to go front for your career no be by just to come and do your work, but if you dey put anoda pesin career above your own, or you know say pesin gatz handle di house. You go gree take dat stretch of opportunity. Chance be say you no fit no do am."