'I no fit stop to watch': Personal stories of how too much pornography dey takeova lives

Shaun Flores dey 11 years old wen e first start dey watch pornography, afta a friend introduce am to am.

"I dey hooked almost immediately," Shaun wey now dey 30-years tok.

"Na just like, wow, wetin be dis wey pipo dey do wey dem look like say dem dey enjoy di time of dia lives."

Shaun curiosity quickly turn into sometin wey e find difficult to stop.

E describe watching pornography morning, noon and night, according to am, e become as "common as brushing your teeth".

Shaun share im tori wit BBC iPlayer series, Sex After.

"I realise say I get issue wen I no get energy to do anytin," e tok. "I no wan play football, I just wan dey inside.

"But e get dis guilt and di shame wey come wit am, and no matter wetin I try to do, I no fit stop to watch am.

"Dat na wen I know say sometin dey sup."

While no be everyone wey watch pornography go develop an unhealthy relationship wit am, Shaun no dey alone for im viewing habits.

Ofcom Online Nation 2024 report suggest say 29% of UK adults access online pornography for May 2024.

Additionally, new research from addiction treatment centre, UKAT, suggest say millions of Britons dey view pornography regularly - wit 1.8 million watching daily, some multiple times a day.

According to treatment providers, more pipo dey seek help for problematic porn use.

Dr Paula Hall, a UKCP-accredited sexual and relationship psychotherapist for The Laurel Centre, in London, specialise in helping pipo wey dey affected by sex addiction and porn addiction.

"Di numbers of clients seeking help wit pornography problems for di Laurel Centre have don double ova recent years, and our requests from health professionals for further training," she tell di BBC.

Dr Hall explain say dem dey also see a growing number of younger pipo wey dey seek help.

"Ten years ago di majority of our clients na married men for dia 40s and 50s wey dey seek help becos dia partner discova dia use of sex workers," she say.

"But increasingly, our clients dey dia 20s and 30s, many of whom dey single, and dem recognise di growing toll of porn use on dia lives and on dia ability to get or maintain a relationship."

'Once you start e dey difficult to stop'

Lee Fernandes, lead therapist for di UKAT Group, also say di number of pipo dem treat for problematic pornography use don rise "significantly" for recent years.

Dem dey receive multiple enquiries for help from pipo wey dey struggle wit dia porn use everi single day.

Prior to 2020, na one or two enquiries a week

Fernandes explain say advancements in technology and di subsequent easy accessibility of pornography dey make am easy for pipo of all ages to access sexual content online.

Im believe say dis dey contribute to di increase in pipo wey dey seek help according to wetin im don experience.

"E no dey very hard for someone to pull out dia phone, go onto a site and look at porn, weda dem be 12 years old or 60 years old," im tok. "E dey quite troubling."

According to Fernandes, oda reasons for pipo watching porn online include curiosity, boredom, stress relief and lack of sexual satisfaction.

While pornography use fit start for dis reasons, Fernandes describe am as being "very addictive".

"E fulfil dat dopamine reward system," he explain. "Once you start e dey quite difficult to stop."

'Pornography no longer dey confined to dedicated adult sites'

Howeva, while problematic porn use fit mimic addiction, e no dey diagnostically recognised as such.

Instead, e dey categorised as problematic online pornography use (POPU), or compulsive behaviour.

For pipo wey develop dis relationship wit porn, di effects fit dey negative.

And for di youngest in di society wey dey grow up wit free, hardcore content for dia fingertips, di impact of early overexposure fit overreach.

Di Children Commissioner for England promote and protect di rights of children.

Recent research from dia office find say, for 2023, 10% of children don see pornography by di age of nine and 27% don see am by age 11.

"Young pipo tell me dia exposure to pornography dey widespread and normalised – di average age of children first seeing pornography na 13 years old," Dame Rachel de Souza, di current Children Commissioner, tell di BBC.

"Pornography no longer dey confined to dedicated adult sites – children tell me dem fit see violent content, depicting coercive, degrading or pain-inducing sexual acts on social media.

"Di implications of seeing dis kain of material dey big – my research don find say frequent users of pornography dey more likely to engage in physically aggressive sex acts."

De Souza add say e dey "vital" for high-quality relationship and sex education to be given parity of importance wit oda subjects to help young pipo understand say pornography dey unrealistic.

Silva Neves, a psychotherapist wey specialise for di treatment of compulsive sexual behaviours, agree say to dey view pornography at a young age fit get a negative impact.

Howeva, e emphasise say di lack of quality sex education for young pipo lead to dem looking for information elsewhere.

"Dem go see hairless vulvas. Dem go see 9in penises.

"Dem go see hard intercourse lasting for 30 minutes and choking, and all dis tins, and dem go tink, ‘ok, so dis na sex’.

"But e dey much easier to point di finger at porn and say porn na di problem."

Courtney Daniella Boateng, 26, first start to watch porn wen she dey primary school.

For her, e dey partly driven by di lack of proper sex education available to her. She explain say her classes for school dey focussed on di biology of reproduction, rather dan di experience of sex.

She say dat di taboo wey seem to exist around am make am even more fascinating to try and understand it.

"I end up searching for sex videos," she explain. "Na veri wide door wey just blow open into a whole new world."

'Pornography don set unrealistic expectations for me'

Courtney start off to watch full time, sometimes on di weekends or occasionally bifor school. But den, she say, e turn into almost everi day.

"Dat na wen I start to realise dis dey get a negative effect on me becos I dey do dis way too often," she tok.

Courtney lose her virginity wen she dey 18 - a moment she describe as "terrible".

"E no feel like real life match up to di hype...wey I get from watching porn or masturbating," she tok.

Courtney eventually realise say she get unhealthy dependency on porn.

"I go always find myself fighting weda I fit actually stop and e go literally just leave me feeling so powerless."

She stop watching porn for her early 20s and decide to become celibate. Along wit her fiancé, dem commit to abstinence until afta dia wedding.

For Shaun, im excessive porn habit lead am to being “tired” from masturbating.

"I tink di role wey porn get to play na say e disturb my sense of self, and give me a dysmorphia around sex, or my body, or my penis," im tok.

Howeva, sabi pipo say e dey important to recognise say, for many pipo, e dey possible to get a healthy relationship wit porn. For some, e fit even get benefits.

For example, research wey di British Board of Film Classification (BBFC) conduct suggest say porn provide a way for young pipo wey dey unsure of dia sexuality to understand demsef better.

‘’We must rememba say an unhealthy relationship wit porn only occur wen di individual don lose di power of choice; dem fit function normally for dia day to day lives witout watching porn," Fernandes conclude.

“We go urge anyone wey tink say dem fall into dis category to seek professional help."

"E dey left for me wit a lot of unlearning to do," Courtney tok. "I gatz learn wetin realistic sex be.

"I gatz learn to love my body and not compare it to oda women bodies.

"I gatz learn to love and not objectify pipo, men and women. And not just see dem as sexual objects, but actually see dem as pipo.

"If I fit rewind di clock, I for no start am."

For Shaun, giving up na one of di "best decisions" e eva make.

"Di addiction make me lose connections and now I dey try to dey connected to pipo wey I generally love and I really care about," e tok.

Additional reporting by Michelle Barratt and Fiona Paus.