Polyamory: 'I dey date her and her boyfriend togeda'

Young South Africans be like dem don accept one new relationship style, polyamory wey be wen pesin get relationships with multiple partners at di same time.

Lethabo Majalefa na bisexual woman wey start to dey follow Fletcher Mojalefa do boyfriend and girlfriend for December 2018.

Di couple wey dey in dia 20s dey live tofeda with dia son, wey dey nearly two years for one township outside Burgersfort for Limpopo province, South Africa.

Wen dem bin first start to dey date, Fletcher bin no know say Lethabo bin dey bisexual

Lethabo tok say, "I tell am two or three months afta we start to date because I see say I fit dey open with dis guy."

Fletcher chest am well. E say, "I happy say she tell me. If she no tell me, we for dey hide do oda secret relationships and we no go last."

Di couple clock am on time say if dia relationship go work, dem go need fulfil Lethabo sexual and emotional needs as bisexual woman and Fletcher own as straight man.

Na so dem come decide on one wild idea. Dem reason say make dem add anoda pesin to dia relationship.

Togeda, dem decide say both of dem go enta street to run dat parole.

Na for August last year, dem meet Lunya Makua, wey be bisexual woman. She dey her 20s and dey work as stripper for one nightclub for di small town.

Lethabo say, "we click wella. We dey relate for most of di tins we bin dey tok. He self like am from day one. E start to like her wen e realise say she be go-getter. I know say e like women wey dey like dat".

"With me, na di same tin sake of say I dey do almost di same stuff, I also dey hustle. We click because of di same tin".

Lunya too feel di vibes. She say, "Na Lethabo chyke me so I start to dey date her. Den she introduce me to Fletcher so all of us enta di relationship."

"I bin get feelings for Lethabo. Di first time I sabi say I get feelings for Fletcher join na for one event wey next tin I see myself dey kiss am.

E no too tay wen all of us hook up. Di three of us dey sleep for di same event most especially wen we go for show, and lodge for guest house."

But di polyamourous relationship dey hard for pipo for rural place like Limpopo province to immediately grab.

Lethabo tok say true-true, some of dia friends still dey tink say na polygamy wey be di normal one wey pipo sabi.

'Dem accuse me say I dey possessed'

"Pipo dey ask me ghw I dey cope say my partner get anoda babe, I explain say no be just im babe I dey date am too.

"Once pipo grab say na my babe join, dem go accuse my say I dey possessed, say e no normal", na wetin she tok, without much stress ova di yab.

"E no mata to me, I know wetin I dey do, and I know di decisions I dey make."

Fletcher say na homophobia for di conservative community dey cause am.

"Dem fully believe say woman no fit dey attracted to anoda woman."

Di three need to mostly expain how dia relationship dey work.

Lethabo say, "I tell dem say no be only di guy dey nack who im like".

Fletcher too say, "di girls fit sex demselves without me."

Clinical psychologist Dr Ian Opperman say wetin dey make am polyamorous relationship na consent.

E say, "pipo wey get different sexual orientations dey part of di community and dey form di network of relationships as dem gree with dia partners.

"Many tins na im differentiate polyamory from oda type of non-monogamous relationships." For instance, pipo dey wey dey accept to have sex outside dia main relationship but dem no go form emotional attachment outside.

Relationship counsellors say dem don dey see more pipo wey enta polyamory and say e don common pass for South Africa.

Polyamorous pipo dey mostly start to date online.

Even though pipo dey look polyamorous relationships one kain, plenti of dem don dey arrange events to meet with dia kind for main cities like Johannesburg, Cape Town and Durban.

'No be only young pipo'

From di clients wey she don seem intimacy and relationship coach Tracy Jacobs say polyamory don dey tice and no be only young pipo dey do am.

"Although na millennials and Gen-Z dey run am pass, oda pipo for older age groups dey wey dey practice polyamory or oda kain ethical non-monogamy.

"Dis age of pipo wey identify as polyamorous broad wella and no clear age group dey", na wetin she tok.

Intimate relationship counsellor Elizabeth Retief say polyamorous relationships dey more attractive because dem get more flexibility and dey challenge traditional roles wey different to polygamy.

Di counsellor say, "if you dey live for house with your partner and her oda partner and dia pikin, your gender role no go dey like how e dey for monogamy or polygamy at once.

"Ethical polyamory dey democratic wia for polygamy, na one pesin for dis relationship get rights pass di oda."

Di most common question for polyamory na how e go affect pikin like for di case of Lunya, Lethabo and Fletcher.

Lethabo tok about her pikin with Fletcher say, "I tink e go grow up knowing say e get two mama. I don see polygamous families wia di hsubands get plenti wives and dem dey grow for one yard and one house. So I tink everytin go dey fine."

Lunya gree and add say she dey part of raising di pikin even though no be she born am.

"Lethabo dey busy normally. So wen I no dey busy, I visit am [di pikin]. I tink one day I go also born pikin but for now, e no fit work because of di kain work wey I de do.

"If we go born pikin, we go need all agree. I go need tok with Lethabo, if she dey ok with am, dem we go fit born baby."

But Dr Opperman say, make pipo enta di tok ontop pikin mata sofri.

"Children for polyamorous relationships fit get confusion and e fit happun wen parents no dey honest about dia kain relationship.

"If dem no tell pikin say love fit dey shown in plenti ways, dem go fit confuse."

Chance dey say Lunya, Lethabo and Fletcher fit invite fourth pesin join dia relationship.

"We dey open to get anoda female," na wetin Lethabo tok, "but only if di third female dey fine with am".

Right now, Fletcher na di only man for di relationship and e say na wetin dey make am honor im two babes.

"Wen two women get along, e dey precious... So, I dey lucky. I appreciate am and I step back dey support am at any means."

But how tins go change if Lethabo, di mama of im pikin bring anoda man join di relationship.

E say, "I no go dey part of dat relationship because I be straight man. But if she wan commit to anoda relationship with man, e go dey okay."