Of a Mouse and a Man

by Holly Brooks

Malcolm was a mouse. But unlike most mice he was clean, tidy and truly hated cheese. When it was warm, he lived in a cosy corner of a garden shed belonging to a man called Alfred. But it was cold now and so Malcolm had moved under the floorboards in Alfred's kitchen. His home there was immaculate, with a shiny sardine tin as a bed and a table made from a yellow matchbox. Malcolm sometimes thought the matchbox would be a very practical guest pull-out bed. But in truth he didn't like visitors as they always made a mess.

Alfred, unlike Malcolm, was a very untidy creature. He liked nothing more than to lie on the sofa all day watching sport and eating crisp sandwiches. But if his team ever lost he got as angry as a raging rhino.

Alfred first saw Malcolm one evening, when Malcolm was sweeping up Alfred's crisp crumbs with his tail. Alfred said a bad word and stomped to the shops to buy more crisps, some cheese and a mousetrap. On the way back he grumbled "I'm not living with no filthy rodent", over and over.

Malcolm looked at the mousetrap. But the smell of the cheese made him feel really quite queasy and so he kept as far away from it as he could. To him, it stank like the six week old sports socks Alfred had left on the living room floor.

The next day Malcolm saw a strange tunnel which had a nicer smell coming from inside it, rather like chocolate. But Malcolm was scared of the dark and was also watching his weight. So he kept well away from that too.

Alfred was now the angriest he had been since relegation time. His face turned as red as a boiled tomato.

The day after, some strange sticky pads appeared by Malcolm's front door, with some crumbled crackers on them. Malcolm wanted badly to tidy up the cracker mess, but he had spent all morning licking his feet clean and didn't want to get them all gluey. So he started using his back door instead.

Alfred's face was now plum purple.

Then Malcolm heard Alfred on the phone. He was talking about dirt and disease and "getting it sorted once and for all". "About time too", thought Malcolm. "This house really is a pigsty." However, Malcolm then worried that Alfred might start vacuuming, and the noise always gave him a migraine. So he decided to spend the next day out of the way, dusting the shed.

From the shed, Malcolm saw a man in a van arrive. He gave him plenty of time to hoover and then, hoping to pick up some cleaning tips, listened at the shed window.

He heard the man say to Alfred: "No mice here, mate. But there will be soon unless you pick up all them crisps."

Alfred said another bad word and started packing his bags.

Final score: Meticulous mouse 1, Messy man 0.