Once again we opened up the Love Doctor's patient list to you, the viewers, so that you could decide who was most in need of some schmoopy surgery. You voted in your plentifuls, and while some of your suggestions disturbed us deeply and psychologically, our favourite was 50 Cent and Paris Hilton, suggested by nuclues.

Why? Well, we all like a classic love story that spans both sides of the tracks, don't we? This one could be Romeo and Juliet all over again: one's from the streets, the other's from the suites. Can party girl Paris and hard man Fiddy make two worlds collide? Let's pop out the Stethoscope of Amore and find out...

WHY IT WOULD WORK:

Everybody knows that if you want to launch a female singer in this day and age, the easiest way to do it is to get a celebrity guest rapper on her single. Getting Fiddy to rap on her track would raise Paris's muso cred, and if they handle the gossip rags correctly, everyone will be writing "Are They? Aren't They?" stories about these two and a No.1 track will follow as easily as, er, ABD, right?

But are Paris and Fiddy suited as a couple? We see no reason why they wouldn't be: Paris clearly likes her bad boys, and they don't come much badder than Fiddy. Plus, with beefy Fid around all the time she could fire her bodyguard and save a few dollars, which we're sure she totally needs to do.

Also: Fiddy like purty lady, hur hur hur. 'Nuff said, right?

WHY IT WOULDN'T WORK:

The language barrier: neither of these is exactly a great conversationalist. Just picture it:
PARIS: That's hot!
FIDDY: Cuhhhhh.....wha'?
(repeat to fade)
And while Paris may have been exposed to a great many different lifestyles and cultures on The Simple Life, even she might get frustrated with Fiddy's monosyllabic grunts. How is she supposed to know if he wants sparkling Perrier or still? And Fiddy would spend his time scratching his head wondering why she keeps insisting it's hot when it's only 12 degrees outside.

Not only that, but we suspect Paris gets bored easily. She wants to be out all the time having fun, whereas we reckon Fiddy probably prefers to chill in his crib with his homies, reading Gun Enthusiast Monthly. It's only a matter of time before Paris meets someone more like her on a wild night out and starts to wonder if her boring stay-at-home boyfriend is really the one for her.

And let's say that Fiddy decides he does want to join Paris out and about - would he really fit in with her socialite scene? He's at least twice the size of all her friends because he, y'know, EATS. And we just don't know if we can see him giggling in the street at 2am or doing an embarrassing faceplant out of his car with his knickers showing. We never thought we'd say this, but Fiddy's got more class than that.

As much as we hate to say it, this is a star-crossed love story that won't have a happy ending. The excitement will keep it going for a little while, but it'll peter out when the initial thrill goes. "That's hot?" More like "That's not!"