Lots of you crazy 'peeps' suggested Chico with a host of suitable love matches: Chico and Tony Blair; Chico and a rabid squirrel; Chico and a rusty chainsaw; Chico and the Australian Outback. All great ideas. Which got us thinking, who would love the crazywackysilly showbiz man without a wrist watch? Surely the hardest question the Love Doctor has been asked, well, other than "Is there a cream for it I can buy with a bag on my head?"

Looks:
Firstly, we scoured the celebworld for anyone who might match Chico in the looks department, or failing that, anyone who works near the looks department. From our detailed analyses, we decided that we needed someone with a degree in facial aerobics who can gurn like James Bourne in his least favourite underpants, at Charlie Simpson's birthday party. This person also needed to be properly RIPPED in the chest, abs and tush areas. Sadly, the only remotely suitable candidates who weren't in prison or competing for the 2012 Olympics shot putt event were tied up with appearances in Christina Aguilera's next 12 videos. Luckily, Chico likes the look of himself (thank you very much) and with over 1,000 hours of mirror time logged, we reckon he'd make the perfect match for himself, while he watches.

Interests:
Judging by his X-Factor performances, Chico likes to have FUN! Not like ice cream and fairground fun. We're talking CRAZY FUN! Like "Yow!" fun! Like, "Somebody get me my tablets - Argh! It's too late - muahahaha!" kind of fun. Y'know, someone who can have fun at the flick of a switch, preferably at the expense of everyone else in the room. Unfortunately, the one person who matched this profile, (mentioning no names, cough, Daniel Bedingfield, cough!) has no interest in goat herding. Sigh! Round #2 to Chico then.

Sense of humour:
Anyone attempting to date Chico would need a proper sense of humour. No wait. That's not what we mean. Actually it is what we mean. Chico likes a good laugh. If laughter was medicine, Chico would be the happy surgeon, slicing through the moody mist with his scalpel of joy (Brr! Did it just get colder in here?). However, after careful study with a mirror and some proddy things, we discovered that the best source of potential for Chico laughter was Chico jokes. And until we've solved the mysteries of the Chico giggle gland, it looks like Chico completes himself.

There's only one Chico, but just in case there is another, please tell it to get in touch with Dr Love, there's a Chico here who would very much like to be reunited with its Chico. Sniff!