So, we asked you which pair of mis-matched celeb-types you would like to see the Love Doctor work his magic scalpel on. And a ridiculously large amount of you suggested that if Simon Cowell did the nasty with Paula Abdul, it would make you very happy indeed.

Leaving aside for one moment what kind of sick mind would take pleasure at the thought of grown-ups (in their forties, no less) all kissing and cuddling and stuff (ICK to the power infinity squared, right kids?), this still leaves us with a thorny problem. Namely how do we get these two together? Eh? Time for the good doctor's Big Pink Tongue Depressor Of Love to do its thing...

WHY IT WOULD WORK:

Well, there's the age thing for starters. Simon and Paula could spend many a happy hour sitting about, talking about the good old days when trams ran on clockwork steam and you could have a night out at the talking picture show for sixpence, and still have change for a fish supper.

And it's not as if they don't already know each other's strengths and weaknesses, right? You can't spend all that time sharing the same hideous trauma (all of that hideous singing, Simon's trousers etc) without getting to know one another a bit.

Plus all that arguing they do, right? They say love and hate are two sides of the same coin (as opposed to being two sides of two different coins, which would be a stupid thing to say). And no-one tests this theory out quite as thoroughly as our American Idol pair. All that bickering is surely just a remedial and shy way of saying "let's hold hands", right?

And also, anyone with as much interest in nurturing new talent would make excellent parents, wouldn't they? Well, for the first year or so at least. Naturally after that any Cow-Dul offspring would be left to fend for themselves, but what do you want from them anyway? Eh? These are VERY BUSY PEOPLE we're talking about here...

WHY IT WOULDN'T WORK:

It's just possible that all that bickering and narkiness might be a sign that Simon and Paula don't actually like each other at all. Or at least, they don't like each other anywhere nearly as much as they like arguing, being right, and arguing again.

Plus they don't exactly live near each other, do they? Paula is based in the States, Simon's home is over here, and both of them have to have extra houses in which to store those enormous egos as they hibernate over the winter months. The egos that is. We're not suggesting Simon and Paula need to hibernate, although it might be a good way to avoid media overkill.

Finally - and let's not mince words here - making love with someone as notoriously nasty as Simon Cowell has to be pretty damn scary.

Can you imagine how crushing it would be to be lying next to him, sheets all pulled up by his armpits, only for him to say "that has always been one of my favourite positions...NOT ANY MORE"?

No amount of "can I just say, you look amazing" is gonna protect you from a crushing blow like that.

A romantic liaison between these two pop judges would definitely work, due to their intense personal chemistry. But it wouldn't work for very long, due to their intense personal chemistry. Which is the risk you take when you put these kind of things up for public vote...