Wacky Wheelie Bin Races

By Thomas Fielding, aged 9

“Ding-a-ling! Ding-a-ling!..Hear ye the great towns-children of Squiggly Botham” shouted the Town Crier. Thomas Trubshaw, a local kid overheard his cries and yelled to his friend Daniel Diggleswick, to go and see what all the kerfuffle was about. “Hey Dan come and check out Mr Snozz-Wrinkles over ‘ere” said Thomas. Daniel was just about to enter the village shop for his weekly treat, Thumpers Original Phizzgungi-Gum.

As they walked across the square to where “Mr Snozz-Wrinkles” stood they noticed lots of children gathered around the odd looking man.

He was overly large, wearing a bright red coat with gold buttons and frilly lace. As they got closer his voice got so loud they had to cover their ears. “Tom, now I know why you call him Snozzer-Wrinkles, HIS NOSE IS HUMUNGOUS!” said Daniel.

The town crier told the children of a local wheelie-bin race down Squiggly Botham Tor. The race organised by the Wheelie-bin Honorary Industry Foodstuff Federation, (W.H.I.F.F for short) set out rules for the children. They have to customise their own wheelie bin. Avoid three downhill obstacles, the methane-moo-mines along with the napping nee-naws (sleeping policemen), but the worst obstacle is Farmer Boggles’ bog as it’s right on the bend; it got its name because it is a full U-bend.

Extra points are given for speed, style, efficiency and if the children manage to collect and bin trash on the way down, this will put them ahead.

The prize?...a 24 garat gold trashy trophy awarded by W.H.I.F.F and as many sweeties they can fill their wheelie bin up with. SSssh! The children are unaware the sweets are out of date! Anyone caught cheating will get dunked in the grotty, scrumsy-squag-poozy dunk tank.

3 weeks later....

“Welcome to the 1st Wacky Wheelie-Bin Race” shouts the Lord Mayor of Squiggly Botham.

Thomas and Daniel were raring to go in their customised stealth wheelie. Its features have fibre glass wings for balance and hydraulic brakes to tackle Boggles’ U-bend. The wheelie was an array of hotchpotch colours but it certainly got them noticed.
“Are you ready for this Dan” said Thomas with his round wogglers covering his eyes. “Ready for battle Tom” said Daniel with his wonky plume of feathers stuck in his humple-wangle helmet. 5...4...3...2...1...0 and they’re off!

Tom let go of the brakes while Dan was steering, and rolled down the hill at about 70 mph! Unluckily they struck a flour bomb left by the cheaters ahead and typically couldn’t see anything for 11 seconds. So they had no hope until they dodged a methane moo mine and hit a napping nee-naw. The stealth wings boosted them high up into the air. “WOO HOO!” said Dan

“WEE HEE!” said Tom and after 15-20 seconds they realised they had flown through the finish line and came first! “Dude we’ve won!” said Dan, “YES!” said Tom.

"Congratulations! Here’s your trophy, fill up your bin and dunk those pesky cheaters!” said Squiggly Botham’s Mayor.