Inama eshanu zoroshye zagufasha kwirinda kuba inshuti mbi?

Intambwe nke zoroheje wakurikiza kugira ngo urusheho kugirana n'abandi imishyikirano myiza, zishobora gutuma nawe uba inshuti wifuza ko nawe wagira.

Abantu muri rusange ntibamenya vuba amakosa yabo. Dushobora kwinubira ubwibone, ubujiji, kutamenya cyangwa ubupfapfa, tutitaye ku makosa akomeye bashobora kubona mu mico yacu.

Izo ntege nkeya zigaragarira mu mishyikirano (ubushuti) iyo ari yo yose tugirana n'abandi.

Iyo dukoze ibintu tutatekerejeho, bishobora kubabaza abo dukunda cyane, nubwo twaba tutabigambiriye.

Ndavuga ubugizi bwa nabi bworoheje aho kuba ibikorwa bibi byakozwe nkana – ingaruka z'uku kunyerera mu myifatire ziba ari mbi.

Igihe nandikaga igitabo cyanjye giherutse ku bumenyi bw'imibanire y'abantu, nasanze "umubano urimo kwivuguruza" – aho umuntu rimwe aba mwiza, ubundi agahinduka akaba mubi – ibishobora kwangiza imibereho ya muntu kurusha umuntu ugira nabi kuburyo bugaragara kandi buhoraho, uba usanzwe azwi imiterere ye.

Igishimishije ariko, ni uko ubushakashatsi bwagaragaje ko dushobora gushyiraho uburyo bworoshye ariko bw'ingirakamaro bwo kumenya ingeso mbi dufite no kuzigabanya.

Hano hari uburyo butanu(5) nkunda cyane bw'ukuntu twakwirinda kwisanga twahindutse inshuti zitari nziza.

1. Ba umuntu udahindagurika (ugira ihame)

Nta muntu wishimira kubaho mu rujijo – kandi ibi bishobora kugaragarira no mu buryo abantu bakira ububabare bwo ku mubiri.

Archy de Berker wo mu kigo cy'ubushakashatsi mu by'imyakura cyo mu Bwongereza, hamwe na bagenzi be/ n'abo bakoranaga, basabye abantu gukina umukino wo kuri mudasobwa aho igihe cyose ubonye inzoka yihishe munsi y'urutare ubyerekana ariko ugafatwa n'amashanyarazi mu buryo butoya.

Kugira ngo basuzume ingaruka ziterwa no kutamenya ibigiye kuba no guhangayika, abashakashatsi bahinduye uburyo bishoboka ko urutare rwaba ruhisha inzoka igihe bakoraga ubushakashatsi, maze bapima ibimenyetso by'umubiri byerekana guhangayika harimo kubira icyuya no kw'aguka kw'ijisho.

Igitangaje ariko, ni uko abitabiriye iryo gerageza bagaragaje ko barushijeho guhangayiko igihe bari bafite amahirwe 50% gusa yo gutenguhwa, ugereranyije n'igihe bari bazi neza ko baza gufatwa na ya mashanyarazi.

Imyitwarire ihindagurika ishobora gutuma abantu bari hafi yacu bitega ibintu nkibyo.

Mu bushakashatsi ku inshuti zidahoraho, abahanga basabye abitabiriye gutekereza ko bagiye kureba inshuti ngo ibagire inama, ibafashe gusobanukirwa cyangwa ubufasha.

Babasabye gusubiza ibi bibazo bikurikira ku gipimo cyo kuva kuri 1 (igipimo cyo hasi) kugeza kuri 6 (igipimo cyo hejuru):

Ese uwo mubano ufasha ute?

Ese uwo mubano ugutera agahinda cyangwa umujagararo?

Uwariwe wese utanga igipimo cya 2 cyangwa hejuru kuri ibi bibazo byombi afatwa nkufite umubano uhindagurika kandi gushidikanya kubirebana n'icyo bashobora kubivugaho bishobora gutera kumva utameze neza mu mutwe(stress).

Mu bushakashatsi bumwe, kumenya gusa ko incuti zabo zihindagurika zari zicaye mu cyumba cyakurikiragaho byari bihagije kugira ngo bitume umuvuduko w'amaraso w'abari muri ubwo bushakashatsi uzamuka.

Ntabwo buri gihe dushobora gutanga ubufasha inshuti zacu zikeneye, ariko dushobora kugerageza kuba abizerwa mu buryo tubasubiza.

Urugero, dushobora kwiga kugenzura ibyiyumviro byacu mu buryo bwiza, kugira ngo tutihutira kubwira nabi inshuti zacu mu gihe zije tutari mu bihe byiza-aho kugira ngo tugire umujinya mu gihe incuti zacu zituvugishije mu gihe kidakwiriye.

2. Irinde kumva ko bashobora kumenya ibyo utekereza

Buri wese muri twe afite ibitekerezo bye bwite, ariko dukunda kwibeshya tukibwira ko abandi bashobora gusoma/gusobanukirwa amarangamutima yacu – ibi nibyo bizwi rimwe na rimwe nko kwibwira ko abandi bashobora kumenya ibyiyumviro byacu.

Ibi bishobora kugaragarira muri 'interview' z'akazi: dutekereza ko ibyiyumvo/ubwoba byacu byanditse mu maso hacu - ariko ibyiyumvo by'ihungabana akenshi biragoye cyane kubisobanukirwa kuruta uko tubitekereza.

Iyo myumvire y'inenge ikunze kugaragara ishobora no kutubuza gushimira abandi, bigatuma bumva ko batitaweho kandi ko nta gaciro bafite.

Amit Kumar wo muri Kaminuza ya Texas muri Amerika na Nicholas Epley wo muri Kaminuza y'i Chicago, bakoze isuzuma ku matsinda y'abari bitabiriye kwandika amabaruwa yo gushimira abantu b'agaciro mu buzima bwabo.

Bifashishije ubushakashatsi ngo bagereranye ibyo abanditse ayo mabaruwa bari biteze ndetse n'abagombaga kuyakira, basanze abantu bakwiriye kwiyumvisha uburyo umuntu azatungurwa n'amagambo meza bamwandikiye, n'ukuntu yamushimisha

Kenshi Batekerezaga ko uwo muntu yari asanzwe azi ukuntu bamwishimira.

Birashoboka ko imyitwarire y'umubiri wacu ishobora kugaragaza urukundo n'uko twishimira abandi, ariko ntidushobora kubyishingikirizaho gusa. Ibi bisobanuye ko akenshi byaba byiza kurushaho tuvuze uko twiyumva.

3. Ha agaciro ibyiyumvo by'abandi (ariko utekereze n'urundi ruhande)

Iyo umuntu ari mu bihe bikomeye, akenshi aba ashaka ko hari abambwumva. ugaragaza ko wumva uko amerewe bishobora ku mufasha ntakomeze kumva kumererwa nabi.

Inshuti ifite imyitwarire mibi cyangwa inshuti mbi ishobora gusuzugura kutita ku marangamutima yawe cyangwa ikagucira urubanza ku kuntu uvuze wumva umeze - ibi bikaba byatera kumva wanzwe, ibyongera umutwaro w'amarangamutima.

Ariko kandi, kuba twishyira mu mwanya w'umuntu runaka bitewe n'uko ababaye, ntibisobanura buri gihe ko tugomba kwemera n'umutima wacu wose uko abona ibiri kuba byose.

Ariko, uburyo bwiza bwo kubafasha mu buryo bw'ibyuyumvo akenshi burimo kubatera akanyabugabo cyangwa inama ishobora kubafasha gukemura ibibazo byabo mu bundi buryo kurusha uko bo babitekereza.

Mu by'ukuri, ubushakashatsi bugenda bwiyongera mu by'imitekerereze y'abantu bugaragaza ko gutera umuntu inkunga yo kuvuga ibimuri ku mutima, ntugerageze na rimwe kumufasha gusesengura ibibazo afite, bishobora gutuma atekereza cyane kandi bigatuma mu gihe kirekire arushaho kumva yihebye.

Iyi myitwarire yo kuba umuntu yamera nkuko mugenzi we ameze - atamufashije kubona igisubizo cy'ikibazo afite nabyo ni ubundi bwoko bw'ubucuti bubi mu mubano.

Ikiganiro kigamije kubaka gisaba ubwitonzi n'ubushishozi bwinshi, ariko inyandiko ya Ethan Kross muri Kaminuza ya Michigan hamwe na bagenzi be itanga ibibazo bike bishobora gufasha umuntu kubona ibibazo mu buryo bwagutse. Muri byo harimo/harimo:

Nyuma yo gusuzuma izo ngingo zitandukanye (uko buri wese abibona), abitabiriye ubushakashatsi bagaragaje ko bumvaga bararuhutse mu mutima kandi bumva barushijeho kumva ibyaba byababaje, ugereranyije n'abandi gusa bari bibanze ku gusubiramo mu buryo burambuye ibyabababaje n'amarangamutima byabateye.

4. Ishimire intsinzi y'abandi (kandi itoze kugira urugwiro)

Kwishyira abandi bari mu bihe byiza na byo ni ingenzi. Kimwe no kwifatanya na bo mu kababaro, ni ishingiro ry'ubucuti.

Gusa ijambo 'compassion' rikomoka mu Ikilatini risobanura "gusangira ububabare", riramenyerewe cyane kurusha 'Confelicity' ijambo na ryo riva mu kilatini risobanura gusangira ibyishimo.

"Confelicity' ntabwo rimenyerewe cyane nyamara naryo ni ishingiro rikomeye ry'ubucuti.

Abahanga bavuga ko abantu bashishikazwa no kugaragaza ubucuti mu bihe by'akababaro nyamara ntibabigenze batyo iyo abo bita inshuti bari mu by'ibyishimo.

Ubushakashatsi bwinshi bwerekana ko ibiganiro byacu ku byerekeye ubutumwa bwiza bw'ibyishimo bishobora kugira akamaro nk'ako kugira impuhwe mu guteza imbere no kubungabunga imibanire myiza.

Inshuti igushyigikira igomba gusubiza mu buryo bwiza kandi bwubaka- ikabaza ibisobanuro birambuye, ikaganira ku ngaruka z'ibyabaye, no kwerekana umunezero cyangwa ishema ryabo.

Abantu benshi, ariko ntibitwara neza – urugero, bahita bahindura ikiganiro vuba – mu gihe abandi bake babikora mu buryo butari bwiza, bagatanga ibitekerezo bigerageza kugabanya akamaro k'ibyabaye.

Mu muvundo w'ibyo dukora buri munsi, dushobora kwibagirwa guha agaciro n'umwanya ukwiye igikorwa runaka ariko niba dushaka kuba inshuti nziza , tugomba gufata umwanya no gushaka uko twizihiza intsinzi z'inshuti zacu yaba intsinzi nto cyangwa nini, uko ingana kose.

Dushobora kandi gutekereza neza ku buryo dusangiza abandi ibyishimo byacu.

Dushobora guhangayikishwa no kuba bishobora kugaragara nk'ubwirasi cyangwa ubwibone, maze tugahitamo kugira ibanga ibyo twagezeho, ariko na none ubu buryo bushobora kuduhungabanya, nk'uko bigaragazwa mu bushakashatsi bwakozwe na Annabelle Roberts wo muri Kaminuza ya Texas i Austin, Emma Levine wo muri Kaminuza ya Chicago, na Övül Sezer wo muri Kaminuza ya Cornell.

Muri rusange, basanze abantu bababazwa cyane no kuba twabahishe amakuru nk'izamuka mu kazi cyangwa ku bantu bari hafi yacu.

5. Ba uwa mbere gusaba imbabazi

Buri muntu arakosa, ariko bake ni bo basaba imbabazi mu buryo bworoshye.

Iyo usabye imbabazi wabanje no kuvuga ibindi, bituma umujinya n'agahinda bikomeza gukura mu mubano wacu n'abandi igihe kirekire nyuma y'uko icyaha/ikosa ryabaye.

Ubushakashatsi bwakozwe mu birebana n'imyitwarire y'abantu bwagaragaje ko hari imbogamizi enye nyamukuru duhura nazo, zituma tudasaba imbabazi:

Kuba tudasobanukiwe neza uburyo twababaje abandi, tukumva ko gusaba imbabazi ubwabyo bizaba bikomeye cyangwa tukumva biteye isoni, twumva ko gusaba imbabazi bizahindura utuntu duto mu mubano wacu, bityo nyuma yaho ntidusobanukirwe icyo gusaba imbabazi neza bisobanuye - bikarangira tunaniwe kuvuga amagambo yari ingirakamaro kugira ngo dukemure ikibazo.

Muri rusange, abantu bumva baruhutse iyo bemeye amakosa yabo, kandi dushobora gusubiza ibintu ku murongo kurushaho kurusha uko twabitekerezaga- niba gusaba imbabazi kwacu byakozwe mu buryo bukwiye.

Kugira ngo imbabazi zawe zigire akamaro, ujye uha mugenzi wawe igihe gihagije cyo kugaragaza ibyamubabaje.

Nyuma, ugomba kwemera ko ari wowe wagize uruhare mu gukosa, ukagaragaza ko ubabaye mu by'ukuri, ukagaragaza ko wifuza gukosora aho wakosheje ukanasobanura uko uzirinda kongera gukora ikosa nk'iryo ikindi gihe.

Buri mubano ugira ibihe byiza n'ibibi: iyo niyo kamere y'abantu kandi akenshi imibereho yacu n'imibanire n'abandi irushaho kuba urusobe.

Icyakora, iyo ushyize mu bikorwa izo nama eshanu zoroshye zagufasha kugirana ubucuti bukomeye n'abandi, ushobora kwirinda amakosa akunze kugaragara, kandi ukaba inshuti wowe ubwawe wakwishimira kuba ufite uzi neza ko uri incuti nyakuri.