The book they never wrote but should have:
Your Girlfriend 101:
The Rough Guide To The Inner Workings Of The Mysterious Being 1) She is a lady. Ignore the combats, trainers, football jerseys, her ability to eat twice as much as you and still weigh half as much, to beat you at video games and burping contests. So treat her like one (a lady, that is).
2) When she says, "Call me!", she means "CALL ME OR ELSE!". Which would you prefer; two hours of her ranting about the extra pounds she put on, or two hours of her ranting at you because you didn't call her? Wise choice.
3) Ditto when you say "I'll call you".
4) You: "Are you okay?"
Her: "I'm okay" accompanied by sad faces and doe eyes means she's not okay. Ignore it and suffer the consequence.
5) Buy her flowers. It helps. Trust me. Unless she's allergic to them.
6) Cook her dinner, then do all the washing up. Big Brownie Points.
7) Don't be late. She gets ready hours earlier, knowing that she'll take forever, and sometimes the unavoidable happens, so it's understandable if she's a teensy bit late. You don't have waxing, hair and make-up to do, plus you won't exactly be staring into the mirror going "This white shirt or this white shirt?". Besides, it's a bad sign if she's ready before you, especially since women are notorious at taking forever to get ready. It would also take away all your privileges to complain about her taking ages.
8) Be the gentleman. This one's a bit tricky, so you'll need to know which category your girlfriend falls into: the one who likes it or the one who'll bite your head off. Generally, it's safe to say that deep down, most women do appreciate chivalrous gentlemen. This includes opening doors, pulling out her chair, carrying her shopping bags (Big Brownie Points, especially if you don't moan about it), paying for drinks and popcorn - you get the picture. This does not, however, entitle you to be a male chauvinist, unless you already were to begin with, in which case, why are you reading this? Your girlfriend is more than capable of doing all of the above, but it's sweet that you at least offer to do so.
 | | Give her a rose every now and then, that should keep her happy! |
9) Spend one football (or rugby, baseball, basketball, etc) night away from the telly. Spend it with her. She deserves it. Think of all those shopping trips she gave up to spend time with you.
10) Tell her how much you appreciate her. Watch as those eyes widen - either in gratitude or disbelief - and the smile break on her face. Feel good for appreciating her and telling her so. Disclaimer: The above may not work on every female. If all else fails, get her diamonds. It's bound to work. It has to work. Who on earth would say no to diamonds? Oh, this does not mean that your girlfriend is a materialistic bimbo who lives, breathes and eats shopping. She just happens to like it, that's all. And the diamonds too. Okay, so maybe I'm not going to be the next Carrie Bradshaw, but I'm sure my boyfriend, and numerous others, could use a handy guide such as the one above. It's amusing how they pick up our latest copy of Cosmopolitan magazine and diligently read through the tips and guides. Mr. Boyfriend entertains himself with one of these magazines whenever I'm making dinner, and it has actually helped. He knows a lot more than he did six months ago - there's still a long way to go, but he'll get there. Eventually.
So why hasn't anyone written one of these guide books anyway?
Mariam
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