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Hard: Upper intermediate level and above, B2 and above 

Introduction

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1      When your emotions cause you to fly off the handle, sob uncontrollably or seethe with envy, it can be hard to see the good in them. It's a common belief that there are 'good' and 'bad' emotions, and that for successful emotion regulation, we must live a life free of the bad ones. This is a misconception, according to Ethan Kross, world expert in the psychology of emotions. "In the right proportions" he says, "all emotions are useful." We can't control the thoughts and feelings that automatically pop up, but we can choose how to engage with them.

2      Vicki Botnick, a therapist in Tanzana, California, agrees. She says we should aim for regulation, not repression. Instead of sweeping feelings under the rug, we should practise accepting them. Reframe them, not as 'good' or 'bad', but as messengers, giving you important information that you can use. This may sound easier said than done, so when intense feelings make you feel overwhelmed, try the old classic: deep breathing. Breathe in slowly, hold the breath for three seconds, then breathe out slowly. For some, it may help to repeat a mantra, such as "I am calm."

3      So, chronically avoiding your problems and negative feelings is not recommended, but that doesn't mean distraction is all bad. "We can be flexible and do both" says Ethan Kross. He uses the example of heightened emotions after a heated argument. It can be beneficial to sort it out in the moment, but it can also help to immerse oneself in something totally unrelated and return to the problem later, perhaps with a new perspective and a diminished temper.

4      Another way to distract yourself is to change your environment. Anyone that's been on holiday will know that being in new surroundings, free of associations of work and usual routines, can help us de-stress and recharge. If you're unable to get away, try exploring locally. A 2024 review of research called 'The role of nature in emotion regulation processes' found all 27 of the reviewed studies reported positive impacts of nature on emotion regulation. If green spaces are hard to reach in your neighbourhood, try curating your home environment. Add house plants, pictures of landscapes, photos of loved ones, or any objects that bring you joy. 

5     Learning to accept, reframe and regulate your emotions puts you back inthe driver's seat of your life. But if this feels hard, remember: no feeling lasts forever. 

Questions

1.   Choose the best summary for this article

a. Ethan Kross's advice for emotion regulation.
b. How to distract yourself from your emotions.
c. How to handle your emotions.

2.    Choose the correct option based on the content of the article.

1. Both experts in the article agree that we should always distract ourselves from negative emotions.

a. True
b. False
c. Not given

2. Which phrase could we use to mean the opposite of 'sweep (something) under the rug'?

a. bring (something) to light
b. keep under wraps
c. spill the beans

3. In the sentence 'This may sound easier said than done…' in paragraph 2, what is the writer referring to?

a. sweeping feelings under the rug
b. thinking about negative feelings in a different way
c. avoiding feelings

4. Which sentence best describes Ethan Kross's view on avoiding feelings in paragraph 3?

a. It's best to confront problems and feelings the moment they arise.
b. Avoiding negative emotions is the healthiest way to regulate them.
c. It's beneficial to acknowledge emotions but also use distraction when needed. 

5. If you can't go on holiday, the writer recommends spending time in nature and improving your home environment.

a. True
b. False
c. Not given

3.    Use the words from the list to complete the summary of the article.

To get you 1) ________ of your emotions, you should try 2) ________ them; to imagine they are giving you important information, rather than having an entirely negative impact on your life. But when your feelings get 3) ________, try not to 4) ________. Instead, try 5) ________ your home environment with all the things that make you feel calm.

reframing
in the driver's seat
curating
overwhelming
recharging
repress
fly off the handle

Vocabulary

fly off the handle
suddenly become very angry

sob
cry noisily and uncontrollably

seethe
feel angry but unable to express it

repression
an unconscious process of ignoring unwanted thoughts or feelings

sweep (something) under the rug
(idiom) ignore a problem

reframe
think about something differently

overwhelmed
a sudden feeling of strong emotions

temper
the tendency of someone to become angry

curate
select things for and organise an environment

in the driver's seat
(idiom) in control

Answers

1.    Choose the best summary for this article.

c. How to handle your emotions.

2.    Choose the correct option based on the content of the article.

1. b. False.Vicki Botnick thinks that instead of sweeping feelings under the rug, we should practise accepting them. Ethan Kross thinks we can be flexible in our approach.

2. a. 'Spill the beans' is similar but is more about revealing a secret. 'Keep (something) under wraps' is a synonym (not opposite). 

3. b. 'This' refers to this sentence: Reframe them, not as 'good' or 'bad', but as messengers.

4. c. "We can be flexible and do both" says Ethan Kross.

5. a. True. If you're unable to get away, try exploring locally… If green spaces are hard to reach in your neighbourhood, try curating your home environment.

3.    Use the words from the list to complete the summary of the article.

To get you in the driver's seat of your emotions, you should try reframing them; to imagine they are giving you important information, rather than having an entirely negative impact on your life. But when things get overwhelming, try not to repress your feelings. Instead, try curating your home environment with all the things that make you feel calm.

Next

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Learn more phrases and expressions like 'sweep something under the rug' in The English We Speak. 

Learn more about emotions and feelings in English.