Telescopic Christmas Trees - Christmas Trees (82)
Del's Spiel: It's no ordinary tree, even the Archbishop of Canterbury has one in his front room. 'This is a new advanced micro chip christmas tree as advertised on Tomorrows World.'

The Real Deal: The telescopic trees are small and extremely tacky. Yet sells once one is donated and used in the local church.

Alpine Ski Suits - Fatal Extraction (1993)
Del's Spiel: The jacket is padded in pure fibre-glass and quilted in natural nylon. 'All this equipment is manufactured by the one country that leads the world in Alpine clothing - namely, Fiji.' Comes in all fluorescent colours.

The Real Deal: These Ski-suits are as fashionable as a plonker in a shell-suit.

Festive Pine Candles - J Hammett, Welwyn Garden City(Hooky Street winner!)
Del's Spiel: 'Get the smell of real Norwegian pine without the trouble and cost of a pine tree. Here we have festive, natural pine scented xmas candles, freshly in from Norway this morning. If you look closely they're still shining with the sap, (laughs) only joking, ladies and gentlemen, that's the forty-two carat stars of Bethlehem, lovingly shaped around the sides there (tilts candle towards the crowd).'

The Real Deal: A consignment of 'church' pillar candles sprayed with 'pine' air freshener, with 'stars' of gold glitter stencilled and glued around them!

Nativity Scene - Ali Morris, Plympton
Del's Spiel: 'Traditional hand made nativity scenes, a perfect ornament for decorating any home this Christmas.'

The Real Deal: Delboy's been lumbered with 125 doggy nativity scenes, made in Syria. A snip at £2.50 only there is one small omission from each; baby Jesus! Enter Rodders, with his GCE in Art, plasticine and some superglue!