Having to work antisocial hours or ‘bad shifts’ over Christmas can be really frustrating, but for many of us, it’s a key part of the work we do.
Being a parent can add an extra layer of challenge, both in terms of planning and emotions if you feel like you’re missing out on a key family moment.
So how do you manage working long or late shifts over the holidays? We spoke to three parents in this exact situation for their tips on managing anti-social hours and keeping the balance between career and family…
Tip #1 - Focus on the quality time you do have
Working tough shifts might mean that you have less time to spend with your loved ones.
James Matthews, a shop owner and parent advises making the most of the time you do have rather than worrying about missing out:
“Maximise the time and experience you do have together,” he says.
“Make that time you have special and make memories. I always make sure that, when I get home, I have fun with my family before my little one goes to bed.”
Here are our top tips for establishing a great bedtime routine!
Christine Walsh, an NHS infant feeding support worker adds that quality time is what children are looking for most.
“All they want is you. It doesn’t matter how many fancy toys or presents they’ve got, all they want to do is spend time with you,” she says.
“As long as, whilst you’re there, you’re spending that quality time with them, that’s what they’ll remember more than anything else.”
Tip #2 - Fit festive moments around your schedule
It’s easy as a parent to feel like things are out of your control.
“As a parent there will always be moments that you just can't get to,” says Christine, “It’s about controlling the controllables”
One way to manage this is to fit festive moments around your schedule.
Rosie Wall, an NHS resident orthopaedic surgeon and mum of two daughters was working last Christmas Day.
“My daughter was one year and three months last year and she didn’t grasp properly that it was Christmas Day.“She saw that there was lights and fun, but to her the whole season was similar. And she had a fun day with her grandma and grandpa and dad that day while I was at work.”
Rosie suggests hosting Christmas at a time that suits you.
“When they’re young enough to not really be able to tell the difference between the days, I’d just do what I did last year and have Christmas on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day.
“When they’re that little they won’t remember that they had turkey on the 24th!”
Remember - there are no hard rules about Christmas. You can always be flexible to make the festivities suit your needs!
Tip #3 - Teamwork is key
When it comes to childcare, you might have to lean on your loved ones - family, friends, or even colleagues - for support and as part of your festive planning.
“You lean on your family a lot,” says Rosie. “I look to my husband and my mum in particular because of the awkwardness of shifts”
“Fortunately for me, my daughter gets up very, very early, so I do tend to see her before I go on shift. And that’s exactly what we did last Christmas.”
Christine adds it’s a good idea to team up with colleagues to support each other.
“It’s always helpful to find someone who works the same kinds of shifts so you can coordinate that childcare.”
Christine also says, if you have a partner, it’s important to make time for each other around your schedule.
“It does mean you’re passing ships in the night for a while, because one’s starting whilst the others finishing to help with childcare.
“But childcare costs are so expensive - if you want to be at home with them it’s a bit of a balance.”
Tip #4 - Be honest and kind to yourself
As the saying goes, you can’t fill from an empty cup.
The way you treat yourself has a huge impact on the way you treat others including your children, so it’s key to always be fair and check in, Christine explains.
“I think it’s important to acknowledge how much you’ve done before you get to work,” she says.
James adds that being open with your colleagues is key to making the day run smoothly.
“Everyone in retail is in the same boat at Christmas,” he says. “It’s all about communication and making sure that everyone knows who's where and when and that everyone is fully committed.”
And remember, while it can be challenging to leave your kids, you might be surprised at how accepting they can be at a young age.
“My daughter already has an understanding that Mummy goes to work, Mummy helps poorly people, so she’s already grasping that,” Rosie says.
Tip #5 - Think about your frame of mind
Many people find that a separation between work and home helps ease the emotional transition between them.
This is sometimes called ‘compartmentalising’ - where you divide your feelings between different places and keep them separate to manage stress.
Rosie says this approach really works for her.
“Once I’m at work, I’m in work. I’m focused on what I’m doing there and it helps that shifts are always busy. You almost don’t have chance to remember.”
Whereas Christine feels she is a mother, partner and NHS worker all at once.
“I don’t think you can ever keep your home at home and your work at work.
“There’s always going to be overlap and I actually think it’s important for your wellbeing to let yourself acknowledge that.”
But she also says it’s important to have a moment to decompress. “Think about your day on the way home. How did that go? How am I feeling? Do whatever it is to decompress so that by the time you’re home you’ve let all that weight off”
“Give yourself understanding, give yourself time. We’re not superhuman, we can only do what we can do each day,”
