My husband and I first started fostering teenagers over 20 years ago, when our own children were 14 and 11-years-old. We came into it by a very unusual route. Being keen caravanners, we took our kids on a caravan rally, where we met the warden of the local children's home who was also there with three of the children.  We were rather idealistic at the beginning, but we soon realised that there was more to fostering than giving him a home and family. | Wendy Lewis |
One of the boys attached himself to us for the weekend. Then, we got home he continued to visit, and eventually his Social Worker came round to see us and told us that he badly needed a proper family. As my husband had been a foster child, and I love the company of teenagers, we took him on. He struck us as being a very lonely, unhappy child, with a lost look in his eyes, and we really thought we could make some kind of difference to his life. Unfortunately, we were rather idealistic at the beginning, but we soon realised that there was more to fostering than giving him a home and family. He took quite a while to adjust. Anyway, through the years we have fostered about 35 teenagers, and yes, it's been traumatic at times, and great fun at times. We couldn't have done it without the tremendous support which our own children have given us. They have been wonderful. We've had some quite funny incidents. On one occasion I hid the shoes and coat of one boy whose Educational Welfare Worker was calling to see. I was scared he would leg it! He legged it anyway, and I had a phone call from the Parish Priest about half an hour later to say that he had found him sitting on his wall and had taken him in to give him a cup of tea. He must have wondered why I had let him go out without being properly dressed! Another incident which caused some amusement was when the three boys I had at the time asked if they could sleep in a tent in the garden overnight as they wanted to play "Glastonbury". They spent the evening playing music, and we went to bed. At one o'clock in the morning I suddenly realised what Glastonbury could entail, so I flew downstairs and into the garden. But the little darlings were fast asleep, and there was no "pot" in sight! | One of the most dramatic moments was when I was putting some clothes away in the wardrobe of one of the boys and found a hand gun on the top shelf. | Wendy Lewis |
One of the most dramatic moments was when I was putting some clothes away in the wardrobe of one of the boys and found a hand gun on the top shelf. I panicked. I just thought that I'd better get rid of it as soon as possible so, for some reason that I still can't explain, I buried it in the garden! I then worried about it for hours before asking his Social Worker what to do. She told me to tell the police immediately. When they arrived at the house I showed them where I had buried it and ignored their funny looks. We dug it up and it was taken away in a plastic evidence bag. It turned out to be a replica but I wasn't to know that. I can laugh about it now, and so can my kids who never let me forget it! I suppose the highlight in the last 20 years has been meeting Prince Charles about five years ago and chatting to him at one of our conferences. I was so surprised that he picked us to come and chat to, and he was so relaxing to talk with. He even gave us a very small insight into life with his own teenagers. If I could go back 20 years, I think I would start as I meant to go on more, and not be soft at the beginning of a placement. You have to put your foot down from the start otherwise you get walked over - like you would with any child really. If you start to feel sorry for them it really doesn't work, but the two most important qualities you need are a lot of patience and a sense of humour. I'm still working at the patience! Some of the kids have extraordinary talents, but have never had the chance to develop them, so its really rewarding when you see them develop their gifts and make use of them. Take Clair for instance. She came to us at 15 with no self-confidence at all and was very shy, quiet and introverted. She was too scared to talk to anybody and kept running out of school, not through cockiness but fear. | The two most important qualities you need are a lot of patience and a sense of humour. I'm still working at the patience! | Wendy Lewis |
But slowly, with patience, understanding and lots of chats she got better. She went to art college and became Student of the Year! Another thing that helped her were long talks with my son who had left home but still popped in regularly. They found that they had a lot of interests in common. One morning she was refusing to go to college when he happened to stop by and he persuaded her to go in, even driving her there himself. Eventually she confided to me that she had a crush on him and wrote him a note telling him so. He wrote back saying that he was proud to have her as a foster sister. Then one day he gave her a lift to her mums. They both got out of the car, she flung her arms around him - and they never looked back. That was five years ago now. It hasn't been all plain sailing but they got married about a month ago, two days after Christmas! Read Jim Lewis's childhood story >>
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Wendy Lewis talks to BBC Three Counties Roberto Perrone
