Hooked by the law

Newcastle United's Clarence Acuna has, allegedly, joined the ranks of football's drink-drivers.

No laughing matter in itself, perhaps, but there is an outside chance the police officers will have had a smile to themselves at the time.

For the Chilean international was, at the time of his arrest, dressed as Captain Hook, being as he was on the way home from the Magpies' Christmas fancy dress party.

According to the Daily Express newspaper, Acuna was bailed and will appear before Newcastle magistrates next Monday.

It is not known how much trouble Old Captain Hook is due to find himself in with his manager at St James' Park, but someone should have told him Sir Bobby Robson is known as the Peter Pan of football.

Wright way to go

Everton goalkeeper Richard Wright had an unusual way of guaranteeing his place in Sunday's Merseyside derby against Liverpool.

The glovesman's wife Kelly had the birth of their first baby induced to ensure hubby would be able to stand between the sticks in the big game.

It is not known whether baby Bo will be taken to the match, but there is growing speculation that Wayne Rooney has asked Wright whether junior is coming out to play at all next week.

Blair hitch project

A blow for Tim Henman, with news that he is as likely to win Wimbledon next year as Cherie Blair is to release a fitness video.

Bookmakers have put Henman at 10-1 to become the first home winner at the All England Club since 1936, the same odds as those being offered on Mrs Blair to join the likes of Jane Fonda and Geri Halliwell.

But things are even worse for football followers in England's second city - an FA Cup final between Aston Villa and Birmingham is apparently twice as unlikely as the Loch Ness monster being discovered.

Reliable sauce

Finally, David Beckham's old nemesis Diego Simeone has told his team mates to be more manly after they celebrated goals by doing 'The Ketchup Song' dance.

"A goal is a goal - it should be celebrated in a stronger manner, not with that dance," said the Argentine spoil sport, who obviously has not been seduced by the craze introduced by Spanish popsters Las Ketchup.

Frankly, here at BBC Sport Online we are sceptical about this ketchup tale, even though it came from a reliable sauce.

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