Stop laughing at me!

Sir Alex Ferguson had to win four Premiership titles and the treble before he was made a knight - but it will only take one bad result next Tuesday for him to become a laughing stock.

Hands up who'll be cheering on the Hungarians.

Jeepers keepers

Arsenal have been linked with an Argentine goalkeeper who doesn't like playing on Saturdays.

Carlos Roa, who was between the sticks for Argentina in the 1998 World Cup, gave up football three years ago because he believed the world was about to end.

Roa, 33, is a member of the Seventh Day Adventist Church, who are against working on Saturdays, but if he becomes David Seaman's number two, he probably won't have much to do.

The South American ended England's hopes in France, by saving David Batty's penalty - but he insists he would much rather be a fighter pilot.

Looks like he might have to settle for being a Gunner instead.

Holland & carrot

A 12-year-old schoolboy has offered Ipswich Town his pocket money to try and tempt Matt Holland to stay at the club.

Martin Lambert is prepared to hand over his five pound weekly allowance to help pay the player's �15,000 a week wages.

Thanks Martin - I could do with the cash

Martin, from Mill Pouch, Trimley St Mary, made the bid after seeing Holland's performance against Walsall on the opening day of the season.

Sadly, his efforts look like being in vain, with Aston Villa favourites to secure the �4m signature of the Republic of Ireland international.

Never mind, Martin, if Ipswich get really desperate they could probably put your fiver towards securing the services of Ade Akinbiyi.

I'm sure someone else would stump up the other �1.50.

Finger yobs

A new football game has been criticised for including make-your-own hooligans.

The Finger Football version of Subbuteo comes complete with thugs to recreate pitch invasions and a phrase book with charming sayings like: "You're gonna get your cuticles kicked in!"

The FA claim the game "glorifies criminals", but makers Flair insist it was intended as a bit of fun and are thinking of sending a set to Roy Keane.

Rather them than me.