England won the Test series against West Indies 3-0 as a confident final day performance at the Riverside gave them victory by seven wickets.

Monty Panesar finished with 5-46 as West Indies were bowled out for 222, leaving England needing 110 to win.

Shivnarine Chanderpaul's valiant 70 - he was the last man out - was in vain.

England lost wickets either side of tea to be 29-2 but Michael Vaughan hit an unbeaten 48 to get England home with more than 30 overs remaining.

By Ben Dirs

606: DEBATE Your thoughts on the final day's play

e-mail tms@bbc.co.uk (with 'For Ben Dirs' in the subject) or use 606

ENGLAND SECOND INNINGS

''I've been trying all day to get an e-mail printed...I'm naffed off and going home. GOODBYE.''
Dave Sankey, Ulverston, in the TMS inbox

1748: Right you lot, I'm going to take this opportunity to check out early. Many thanks, as always, for all your emails, sorry I couldn't publish all of them and I'll see you...not sure when I'll see you next to be honest. Bye!

"I played in a charity dodge ball tournament last weekend, against a team all dressed as Monty. Every time they won a game they jumped and whooped. I wish I�d been in that team."
Mike Dowell, Richmond, in the TMS inbox

1742 - Eng 111-3 Collingwood rocks back and misses with an attempted cut and is beaten again by a quicker Gayle delivery. But that's the win, Colly leaning back and slapping the ball to the point boundary. Good, workmanlike win for England, but let's face it, the West Indies are one of the poorest Test outfits you will ever see.

1740 - Eng 107-3 England are one lusty blow from winning the match but local boy Colly is only able to scratch about a bit before nibbling a single from Samuels' final delivery.

"Re. Angharad's picture, it's very good, but it looks more as if Mr Tickle's 'playing the Monty' (some kind of instrument) and has his hat down for passers-by to give their loose change."
Peter Fenn in the TMS inbox

1735 - WICKET: Pietersen c Samuels b Gayle 28, Eng 105-3
KP's gone! The big man goes back, attempts a drive and Samuels bags the catch at slip. My decision that Fry's Turkish Delight would make my chocolate World Cup final has been met with a muxture of dismay and utter disgust. I wouldn't have expected such a reaction had I announced I was a necrophiliac. Sorry...

1734 - Eng 104-2 Four byes take England to within eight of victory and KP picks up a single with a flick to mid-wicket. One more for Vaughan with a work off his legs and we're almost home.

1731 - Eng 98-2 Two singles from Gayle's over and England now reqire 12. Sorry, can't chat, spinners are a ruddy nightmare...

1730 - Eng 96-2 All a bit weird this, England homing in on victory against the West Indies and they've got spinners on at both ends who don't even spin it. Four more singles from Samuels' over, England in sight of victory.

"I can't believe you just said that! My head feels like it is going to swell and explode as if it was Aldaran being destroyed by a fully operational Death Star. How can you seriously put Fry's Turkish delight (the confectionary of Sultans) alongside a Picnic (a chocolate bar that never really broke into the mainstream for a very good reason. It�s completely rubbish)."
Joseph Sheehy in the TMS inbox

1728 - Eng 92-2 Grenades from both ends now as Gayle is wheeled into the attack. Gayle keeps his chunky sweater on, he looks like Val Doonican lobbing a few up for his grandson on Christmas morn. Nudge and nurdle from England before Vaughan picks up a couple with a work off his legs.

1725 - Eng 87-2 Samuels and his darts and England pick off three singles from his over.

1722 - Eng 84-2 Vaughan dispatches a half-bunger through long-off for four before KP gets in on the act, rat-a-tat-tatting Powell through mid-wicket for another boundary. Another single apiece for Vaughan and Pietersen and England require 26 more to win.

"Has Mr Tickle lost weight? Another victim of the size 0 trend..."
Tarquin Dunn in the TMS inbox

"Very creative by Angharad, but it looks more like Monty is about to be ingested by an enraged mutant Pac-Man." Jo, Maidenhead, in the TMS inbox

1717 - Eng 73-2 KP picks up three with an ease through mid-on and England are coasting. A couple for Vaughan with a whip to square-leg and there are a lot of hands in pockets and bowed heads among the Windies players now, they know they're toast. Vaughany latches onto a short one and swings Edwards away for four. This is the best I've seen Michael play for ages.

1711 - Eng 63-2 Sorry, forgot to include the picture below, it's in now. Back-foot drive through the covers from Vaughan and he picks up another two when it should have only been one with a flick off his pads. Dan's decision to award the chocolate bar World Cup has been met with apoplexy by one and all. My final would see Picnic and Fry's Turkish Delight fighting it out for the title.

1705 - Eng 59-2 Peerless stroke from Vaughan, standing tall and marmalising Edwards through the covers for four - shot of the day that. The England skipper shows the maker's name and picks up another three straight down the ground. Leg Spinner is off at Ascot...I'll let you know if he wins or not. KP stands tall and paddles Edwards through mid-wicket for one. Leg Spinner came in fourth - who was it who told me to stick a monkey on him? You muuuuuuuuuug! Sorry, it's all this talk of Danny Dyer...

1701 - Eng 49-2 Classic cover-drive from Vaughan for three before KP swats a Powell bouncer away for four. England cruising towards the victory target.

1658 - WI 42-2 Edwards serves up some chin music and Vaughan hooks him for four...Collymore was made to look a bit silly down at fine-leg, the ball landing and spinning over his shoulder and away for four. Angharad has sent in a lovely picture of Monty being chased around by Mr Tickle! Lovely stuff and many thanks Angharad. Mr Tickle's hat has fallen off because he is tickling Monty so vigorously, says Angharad.

"Any man who has a fridge at work doesn't deserve to return to any chilled confectionary." Richard McLeod in the TMS inbox

1654 - Eng 37-2 Silly from the West Indies and Vaughan picks up six, including four overthrows from Morton. "I can imagine Fred Trueman saying 'there's no oil in that lad's lamp'", say Sir Boycs on TMS.

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"In response to Bob: Clearly the Kitkat! In a recent chocolate bar World Cup in my office, the Kitkat was defeated in the final by the Twix. The Mars Bar went out in the quarter-finals to the Aero on a coin toss."
Dan Smith in the TMS inbox

1644 - WICKET: Strauss b Powell 13, Eng 29-2
Strauss has gone, and that's no real surprise. Powell gets one to nip back and the Middlesex opener loses his off-stump. Straussy needs plenty of time in the nets, he really is half the batsman he used to be. KP is on a pair and the Windies fielders start shrieking like a bunch of girls at a Bros gig as he drops his first delivery into the ground and thinks about a run. Pietersen shoulders arms and Powell gets one to nip back, but the ball just misses off-stump...and KP is off the pair with a nurdle to leg.

"Bob, Bob, are you serious? The Kit Kat, man, the Kit Kat. No choice if they are in the fridge. Cold crispness is an asset in a Kit Kat, but a Mars should be room temperature and at about 8.2 on the international gooiness scale."
Luke Williams, Neuchatel, Switzerland in the TMS inbox

1642 - Eng 29-1 Strauss still hasn't got his feet moving and he's beaten outside the off-stump again. And Strauss is dropped! Flashing hard with stakes through his feet again, but Gayle puts down a straightforward chance at first slip. Gayle must have got his hands caught on some rolled up string in his pockets.

"I'm thinking of stealing a Kitkat or a Mars from my assistant Ojesh's fridge (he's in Nepal on annual leave). Which should I go for?"
Bob in the TMS inbox

1639 - Eng 28-1 Right, we're off again and Vaughan picks up an easy single from Powell's first ball. Strauss plays off his toes for one before the England skipper works Powell to leg for another bread and butter single.

"In response to Andrew Roberts (see below) - Madonna thinks that she is the Queen of England and as a result makes a concerted effort to appear quintessentially English at every opportunity. She fails to comprehend the fact that Bernard Manning was something of a xenophobe in his heyday."
Allan Hobbs in the TMS inbox

"On last night's episode, Dyer told a Dutchman that his pal had 'a right naughty boat'."
Dan in the TMS inbox

1626: I'm not sure why, but I feel I have to spring to Danny Dyer's defence - a number of you have accused him of being a 'mockney'. I just googled him, and he's "out of" Canning Town, which is slap bang in the middle of East London. You'll be telling me Babs Windsor's a mockney next...

"Danny Dyer also likes to say 'I can't get my nut round it' whenever he sees something unfamiliar to him. Like not having pie and mash shops every 10 steps, 'I can't get my nut round it!'"
Matthew Williams in the TMS inbox

"Regarding Danny Dyer: I think he suffers from a condition know as Hyper-Cockney Syndrome, whereby his brain informs him to use every Cockney cliche known to man in the space of several sentences."
Chris in the TMS Inbox

"I'm trying to come to terms with the startling news in the paper that Madonna was a big fan of Bernard Manning. Can anyone shed any light on this?"
Andrew Roberts in the TMS inbox

1610 - Eng 24-1 Sorry, tea at 1610! I'm not very good with my 24 hour clock...Strauss still struggling with his footwork, that right trotter's not moving at all and Edwards gets one past his outside edge. Vaughan slices one through backward point and gets a single for it. Streaky. Bit slippery from Edwards, and Strauss arches his back and makes his excuses. That's tea time - isn't cricket a silly game sometimes?

"The Windies have been proper naughty. They better sort it out, or their Gregory's could be on the line. When they go back to their manor, they could find themselves doing plenty of bird."
Christopher Mooney in the TMS inbox

1605 - WICKET: Cook c Bravo b Powell, Eng 16-1 Lip-smacking cover-drive from Cook and that runs away for four. But the Essex man falls two balls later, Powell getting the ball to cut across Cook and Bravo taking the catch at second slip. Only if Powell bowls England out will Sir Vivian forgive him for his two rubbish shots in this match. Calm down Viv, he's not even a batsman...Vaughan is off the mark with a time through wide long-off for a few. We'll get one more over in before tea.

1600 Eng 12-0 Strauss punches Edwards through wide long-on for four - nice stroke that. But Strauss clearly isn't with it and he almost plays on again, swishing outside off-stump and picking up a run down to fine-leg. Cook edges, but the ball bounces a foot or two in front of Bravo. Tea will be at 1410, by the way. Cook gets up on tippy-toes and paddles Edwards round the corner for one.

1557 - Eng 5-0 Strauss is the fastest ever, in terms of time, to 3,000 Test runs. He picks up a couple with a clip off his pads before Bravo shells him at second slip - difficult chance for Bravo, diving to his left. One run for the shot.

"Strauss has got problems - any top-class bowling attack is going to sort him out..."
Sir Vivian Richards on TMS

How to listen to TMS

1553 - Eng 1-0 Edwards to have first go, but he pulls out of his run-up. He doesn't look comfortable, Edwards, but he doesn get one down the other end at his second attempt. Strauss very nearly plays on, Edwards getting one to swing back at him, but the Middlesex man reaches 3,000 runs in Tests with a single down to fine-leg.

"Not sure at all how I can fit this in with the cricket, but did you know that 'Mad' Frankie Fraser's grandson has just signed for Bristol Rovers?"
Ian, Hackney, in the TMS inbox

1546: The West Indies players huddle and here come Strauss and Cook. Anyone ever seen that programme about football hooligans with that Cockney wide boy actor Danny Dyer? He walks about dodgy parts of Eastern Europe in his pastel Lacoste shouting "I'm well out of my manor!" every now and again. I suspect that's what the Windies are here - well out of their manor.

WEST INDIES SECOND INNINGS

1540: I would like to say, 'when the fat lady's singing, the Windies will still be swinging', but I just can't see it going like that, I think England will knock these runs off with plenty of wickets and time to spare.

"This infuriating obsession with KP really gets my wick. He's no more Flashman than I am Tintin. A more apt comparison would be Captain Darling - an utterly charmless toad. Notice the glee with which he ran out Brian Lara (a true legend) in his last ever international innings. Gower would have missed..."
Steve Tram in the TMS inbox

1536 - WICKET - Chanderpaul b Panesar 70, WI 222 all out Uppish from Collymore, the ball falling just short of Sidebottom diving forward in the covers. Chanderpaul decides to step it up, slapping Monty over mid-wicket for four. This is turning into an extremely vexing little stand...but Monty's got five! Chanderpaul attempts to hoick him over mid-wicket and is bowled behind his legs. Peche de la peche. England need 110 to win, and they should have until 7 o'clock to get them.

1532 - WI 217-9 Sidebottom gets one past the crooked bat of Collymore, but the Windies number 11 tucks Harmison away for one to escape the strike. Just one from the over, however.

"A sudden image of Mike Brearley, chewing on a pipe and looking at the aircraft symbols being moved around the war-room map, muttering 'God, I wish I was up there with them...'"
Ivor in the TMS inbox

1528 - WI 216-9 A maiden from Monty and Sidebottom will now have Collymore in his bendy sights.

1526 - WI 216-9 Collymore gets stuck into Harmison, whipping him through wide long-on for four before tickling him down the leg-side for another. Collymore moves to 14 with a nurdle to square-leg. Full-bunger from Harmison and Chanderpaul eases it through long-off for four. Ropey fielding from Vaughan, and to add insult to injury, his strides fall down mid-dive. Devon Malcolm didn't get stuck into Viv in 1990-1, the series you are thinking of was 1989-90, says Gary P.

"When is Harmison officially 'back' and where has he been and where is he going? Will this debate continue until he eventually gets dropped after his disastrous 2032 Ashes series, where his only wicket is having Glenn McGrath Jnr caught on the boundary by a still sprightly Ian Bell?"
Andy T in the TMS inbox

1520 - WI 202-9 Collymore flips Monty through mid-wicket for one and that's the Windies 200 - the tourists are 87 ahead. JJ Gass of America asks whether it is inconceivable for Chanderpaul to be named player of the series - I don't think so at all, JJ, in fact I think he's a shoo-in. Shiv nicks a couple with a clip to leg, but Collymore will remain on strike.

1516 - WI 199-9 Chanderpaul nibbles a single through square-leg and Collymore nicks the strike with a tuck off his legs - Monty v Collymore, I know who my money's on...

"I think Ian Bell would look lovely in one of those white sailor hats with the ribbons going down the back, coupled with a nice stripy shirt (not of the burglar variety). Plus, he always looks quite chirpy so I assume he has a bottle of rum filling his tum." Angharad in the TMS inbox

1513 - WI 196-9 More cat and mouse between Monty and Chanderpaul...and England keep Collymore on strike.

1507 - WICKET: Edwards b Harmison 0, WI 194-9
YESSSS! I can use the duck graphic! Edwards misses a straight one and Harmison makes a mess of his stumps. The tourists are in absolute tatters here and England should have this all wrapped up by the time the Six O'Clock news rolls round. Collymore is the last man in and he's off the mark with a clip for two to mid-wicket.

1504 - WI 194-8 Chanderpaul gets down on one knee and sweeps Monty away for four before cutting Panesar into the covers for a couple. Sir Viv now reckons Powell's shot was the worst thing he's seen in ages. The big man hasn't been so worked up since Devon Malcolm got stuck into him back in the Caribbean in 1989-90.

"Does anyone else see the resemblance of Monty's wicket 'dance' to that of a new-born calf that hasn't worked out how to use its legs yet?"
Ruth, Brighton, in the TMS inbox

1500 - WI 188-8 Six slips! Old schooly. Panesar is standing at sixth slip, and he looks petrified. Edwards is the new man and Harmison gets a couple past his outside edge...but the Windies pacemen survives...England, however, are looking like big favourites to win this now - 75 the lead.

"KP wouldn't be in the RAF. The outfits are too dull. He'd be in the Cavalry, lording it with the top brass and acting like Harry Flashman. Flying in a cockpit wouldn't sit well with KP. It might obscure the publicity shots."
Stephen, London, in the TMS inbox

"To play a shot like that, you deserve to be out of the time for a little while. Powell needs to go and have a long, hard look at himself. You've got a better chance getting away with playing Russian Roulette than with playing a shot like that."
Sir Vivian Richards on TMS

1457 - WICKET: Powell c Vaughan b Harmison 4, WI 188-8 Incredible economy of effort from Chanderpaul, flipping Harmison down to third-man for one. But Harmy gets his man, Powell playing a terrible stroke, skying the ball straight to Vaughan in the covers. Sir Vivian is going bonkers in the TMS commentary box - "anyone who thinks that was a cricket shot, come and see me afterwards - that was nasty and Powell hasn't got anything in his head".

How to listen to TMS

1454 - WI 187-7 Chanderpaul nudges a single and Monty spends the rest of the over teasing Powell with some lovely flighted deliveries.

1451 - WI 186-7 Harmy drags one in short and Chanderpaul yanks him away for four. And that's Shiv's fifty, paddling round the corner for one - that's his sixth half-century in a row. Phenomenal. Powell picks up four runs, edging the ball through imaginary fourth slip. Not much luck for Stevo so far today. Good save by Sidebottom in the gully, hair bouncing as if independent of his head.

"Andy's (see below) demonstrating all that's gone wrong with modern welly wanging. All statistics and studies. Where�s the heart?"
Marc Kelly in the TMS inbox

1442 - WICKET: Ramdin b Panesar 4, WI 175-7
Ramdin's a gonner! Monty gets one to pitch on middle, grip and flick Ramdin's off-peg. Off goes Monty, leaping about with those mad, mad eyes, as if he wants to lop off Ramdin's ears and add them to his necklace. Powell is the new batsman and he's off the mark with a nurdled single. Monty now has 4-31.

"Re this RAF fly-boys-cum-England XI discussion. Bell is clearly the chap who shows his chums the picture of his fianc�e, dreams of starting up a dairy farm with her when this dashed war is over and then gets gunned down by some dastardly Hun."
Mark Wilson in the TMS inbox

1441 - WI 175-6 Ripsnorter from Harmison, getting one to rear up off a length and leave Ramdin fencing. Ramdin is done again outside off-stump and, whisper it quietly, Harmy looks like he might be back...and another! Ramdin scratching about out there as if he's batting with a liquorice shoelace.

1437 - WI 174-6 Chanderpaul turns Panesar to leg for one and Ramdin eases the wily finger-spinner through the covers for a couple. All very tense since Bravo's dismissal, England still have a sniff.

1435 - WI 170-6 Harmison has found a decent rhythm and there's a strangled appeal for leg before against new batsman Ramdin. Not out, says umpire Dar.

1428 - WICKET: Samuels c Collingwood b Panesar 2, WI 169-6
Bye bye Samuels and off goes Monty again, bounding around with a big grin on his face as if he's being chased around the ground by Mr Tickle. Samuels lunging and Collingwood snaffling the catch at slip.

"To Wang a Welly (see below), I prefer the 'hammer throw' style, grasping the upper shin of the boot in my right hand and the upper calf of the boot in my left and then rotating anti-clockwise at increasing speed a few times, before launching the boot in the intended direction. Right boots go further than left, in my experience."
Johnny in the City in the TMS inbox

1424 - WI 168-5 Chanderpaul has now been batting for 1000 minutes since his last dismissal - and that's the third time he's done it! He also holds the world record - 1513 minutes in 2002. Who would win between him and David Blaine in a staring contest? Harmison beats Samuels' outside edge with the final ball of the over - that was a jaffa.

"There's nothing at all masculine about any type of shower gel. My dad was a real man and he would never be seen using anything but soap on a rope shaped like a rugby ball."
Kate, Chester, in the TMS inbox

1422 - WI 167-5 Raucous lbw shout by Monty and Co against Samuels, but that was missing leg stump. Chanderpaul picks up a single with a sweep. I have had a couple of emails accusing me of picking on KP. First, I'm sure KP couldn't give a monkey's what I think about him, and second, I'm actually a big fan of the Big Man. He's the kind of bloke who would buy his girlfriend's mum a new Renault Clio for Mother's Day without telling his girlfriend he was going to do so beforehand. Still a possible 72 overs left today...

1419 - WI 166-5 Samuels tucks Harmy off his legs for an easy two. Big innings this for Marlon, he could well be playing for his Windies future.

"For Stuart G McRobbie - Holding the welly by the toe rather than by the top gives a much better wang."
Stuart Thomas, City of London, in the TMS inbox

"Re welly wanging. Distance is a function of angle of attack, rotational velocity and speed. Studies have shown 36.8 degrees, 174 rpm and 23 mph produce the best results. Clear enough I think."
Andy White in the TMS inbox

1410 - WICKET: Bravo c Sidebottom b Panesar 43, WI 162-5 Boycs has got the raving hump about the Windies batters calling for a drink and he's probably got a point, they've only been out there 30 minutes. Chanderpaul actually left the field there, he must have been down Pzazz Kebabs for lunch. We finally get some play and Bravo advances down the track and clips Monty one bounce into the mid-wicket fence...but that's Bravo gone next ball, skying Panesar to Sidebottom at mid-off. Silly sausage - West Indies lead by 49, Samuels is next up the ramp...and he survives the over, despite being beaten by Monty's final ball.

1405 - WI 157-4 Harmison serves up a bumper and Bravo has a go at it, moving to 35 with an authentic hook. Lovely roll of the wrists, Bravo looks in pretty good nick. Harmison looking pretty humdrum out there, not sure where all his pace has gone.

"In response to Dan Jay, I can easily imagine Freddie putting pants on his head and sticking pencils up his nose - not to get out of service, but just because it seemed like laugh..."
Ivor Owen in the TMS Inbox

1402 - WI 148-4 It's Monty time...and Chanderpaul sweeps him for one. Bravo nurdles a single and there are just two from the over.

"I'm slightly concerned at these supposed blokes talking about using Foamburst. Foamburst is a woman's shower gel, hence the scent of mango and the like. Boys' shower gel smells like lager."
MB, Shenfield, in the TMS inbox

1357 - WI 146-4 Some chin music from Harmy and Bravo has a dart, the ball dropping just short of Sidebottom at backward square. One run for the shot. Swiss timing from Bravo, off-driving Harmison for four.

"My work are having a charity sports shindig today. Does anyone have any tips on the correct technique with which one might Wang the Welly?"
Stuart G McRobbie in the TMS inbox

1354 - WI 140-4 That's not a clever stroke from Bravo, waving his wand at a delivery from Sidebottom that cuts right across him. Did everyone know how much Sir Boycs loves Twenty20? Who'd have thought it. Top man, Geoffrey, even if he does currently appear to be holding a conversation while munching on a chicken drumstick.

How to listen to TMS

1348 - WI 139-4 Still no weather about at Chester-le-Street and we could get a full day's play in after all...sorry...Shiv picks up one with a tickle down to third-man.

1345 - WI 136-4 Players are back out after lunch and we'll be off in a moment...Sidebottom's first ball is flicked away for a single by Chanderpaul. Bravo outside-edges for four before the Notts seamer gets a lifter past Bravo's perpendicular bat. Anyone else noticed how anonymous KP manages to remain in the field? It's the equivalent of 1970's playboy private investigator Jason King somehow managing to be unobtrusive at a chic ambassador's reception.

"Re Philip Long: 14 down is PLACEMENT".
Paul Radford in the TMS inbox

"Anyone got the answer to 14 down in today's Telegraph cryptic crossword? I'm stumped!"
Philip Long in the TMS inbox

"I think it's important to let anyone thinking of trying Foamburst know just how much that bad boy does burst. I squirted a load in my hand the first time I used it, as I would with any common or garden shower gel, and was almost engulfed by the stuff. It didn't taste of Mango and I was lucky to get out alive. A pea-sized squirt is sufficient."
Mark Thomas in the TMS inbox

"Re cricket songs: How about 'Living in a Box' by the Brit pop-funk group of the same name?"
Robin Braithwaite in the TMS Inbox

"How good is this Foamburst stuff? I�m about to nip out for lunch and I�ve either got time to pop to Tesco for some Foamburst or I can go to the bank and pay in a cheque for �260. As I luxuriate in mashmallows tonight will I scoff at the forgone interest?"
Jim in the TMS inbox

"I recently attended a training course on financial crime presented by a chap who not only looked like Arthur Lowe but sounded like him too. Imagine my surprise when his first slide on 'What to do on discovering a fraud' was big bold letters saying 'Don't panic!' Priceless!" KM, East sussex, in the TMS inbox

1300 - WI 131-4 That's a crackerjack stroke from Bravo, whipping Harmison through backward square for four. Poor old Monty didn't cover himself in glory there, the ball bouncing past his Alan Rough-like parry. Vaughan looks a little embarrassed, like a dad watching his rubbish- footballer son. Some mongrel from Harmy, getting Bravo to smell the leather with a bumper, before Bravo is scythed in two by the final delivery before lunch. England bowled well there, but the tourists are showing some grit...

"Ms Halfhead seems a bit choosey. I suppose Fat Gat doesn't stand a chance?"
Mick, Colchester, in the TMS inbox

1255 - WI 126-4 Bravo gets a rap on the knuckles from Harmy and that's caught him slap bang on the end of the right thumb. Off comes the glove and the physio gets a bit of magic spray on it.

"Which of the England team would resort to putting pants on their head and sticking pencils up their nostrils to get out of service?"
Dan Jay in the TMS inbox

1252 - WI 126-4 Chanderpaul's sticking in there and it's another probing maiden from Sidebottom. My colleague has just told me that Chanderpaul once went 25 hours without being dismissed - extraordinary.

"And would you like to discuss with the group if there is a reason you opt for marshmallows rather than the supermodel-guaranteeing Lynx?"
Stuart, Isle of Man, in the TMS Inbox

1247 - WI 126-4 To Jo, Maidenhead (see below), my current can of Foamburst is Mango - I hear it's excellent on a fruit trifle. Bravo has an airy dart outside off-peg and misses before shaping to hook and thinking better of it. Harmison has found a groove outside Bravo's off-stump, he's looking OK and that's six dot balls.

"Graham from Edinburgh (see below) - Did you mean Captain Mainwaring? Dear old Arthur Lowe, he was so good on the Mr Men TV show..." Phil, France, in the TMS inbox

1243 - WI 126-4 Here's Sidebottom on for Hoggard and that's four leg-byes, the ball evading Prior and running away to the fine-leg fence. Sidebottom's turning it round corners now, but Chanderpaul resists having a nibble outside off-stump.

Re: Foamburst. Sounds magnificent. Before I buy some, I would like to know what it tastes like please?"
Jo, Maidenhead, in the TMS inbox

"I must defend the aesthetic honour of the England team. My female friends and I have often remarked that cricket is the only sport in which they outstrip their Aussie counterparts - in fact, with Freddie, KP, Cook and Strauss in the side it�s really a whitewash victory!"
RJ, Cambridge, in the TMS inbox

1240 - WI 121-4 Big lbw shout from Harmison against Chanderpaul, but umpire Dar looks at the big man as if he's just seen him stubbing a fag out on his new chaise longue. That looked plumb to me...although Hawkeye reckons Dar made the correct decision.

"Not sure I'd like to see Harmy battling the Hun over the skies of London with his wayward attack. However, witnessing Monty giving high fives in the mess after downing a Focke would be a joy to behold!"
Lee, London, in the TMS inbox

1236 - WI 121-4 Sir Viv on TMS says it's OK to loan out shirts to team-mates, but not socks, pants or jockstraps. Fine stop from Monty, saving a run at mid-off, and that's another maiden. Apparently, Harmison is wearing one of Hoggard's shirts...not sure if that's interesting or not...play can go on until 7pm by the way...

"The Manic Street Preachers song 'Mr Carbohydrate' has the line 'Have you heard of Matthew Maynard, he's my favourite cricketer, I'd rather watch him play, than pick up my guitar'. Personally, I'd rather pick up my guitar."
Richie, Wales, in the TMS inbox

1231 - WI 121-4 Harmison gets one to rear up at Bravo, the ball catches the shoulder of the bat and runs past Strauss for four - West Indies now lead by three. Another boundary for Bravo, yanking a short ball to the mid-wicket fence. You know the way people get excited about products in adverts that no-one in their right mind would get excited about? Like fabric softener and athlete's foot spray? Well, I have been bounding to the shower Monty Panesar-style for the past week after purchasing a can of Foamburst - extraordinary stuff, like washing with melted marshmallows.

1226 - WI 110-4 Four leg-byes, the ball flicking off Bravo's pads, but it's otherwise another searching over from Hoggy. Chanderpaul has now batted for more than 15 hours without being dismissed - England may need a water cannon to shift the hardy little blighter.

"Surely Vaughan would be ruled out of active service by some kind of ailment and would be rallying the troops from the Home Front, a la Captain Mannering?" Graham, Edinburgh, in the TMS inbox

"Devilishly handsome? (see below) Vaughan? Prior? Harmison? Sidebottom? I think not. Hoggard and Collingwood are kind of lovable teddies, KP only because he's big, tall, charismatic etc etc, Strauss is too like someone you'd take home to meet the folks, Bell is too sweet looking, Cook - well yes he's quite tasty, and Monty - well what can you say about someone who leaps that high! But devilishly - that suggests they have an evil twinkle..."
Harriet Halfhead in the TMS inbox

1218 - WI 107-4 Harmison is into the attack and Bravo moves to seven with a nudge to mid-wicket. Chanderpaul deflects a Harmison delivery, but the ball just evades a diving Cook at short leg. One for the shot. Drinks...

"Mark, Dundalk (see below), consider your words marked - to the tune of �5 on the nose! I was going to spend it on lunch today but this looks like a much better investment! I take it your advice comes with an iron-clad, money back guarantee should this horse end up more Monty Python than Monty Panesar?!"
Duncan, Scotland, in the TMS inbox

1213 - WI 104-4 Hoggard - strong, gritty, dependable, he is to cricket what John Noakes was to children's television. Chanderpaul moves to 30, before Bravo gets an absolute jamspangler of a delivery, the ball moving away late and leaving the batsman tripping over his own willow as if he's batting with an upright vacuum cleaner.

1209 - WI 103-4 Chanderpaul clips Sidebottom to leg before Vaughan mis-field's a Bravo drive in the covers and the batsman runs a couple.

"In response to Richard from Lincoln, I think The Beautiful South had a song called 'It's been a long day in the field', though I suspect the cricket reference was metaphorical rather than literal."
John, St Andrews, in the TMS inbox

1203 - WI 100-4 Chanderpaul picks up another nurdled single. Five slips and a gully in for Bravo - very 1980s - and Hoggard bowls on his pads and is flicked away for four. I recently noticed how devilishly handsome this England team is. Stick rakish moustaches on them and they'd resemble a bunch of RAF hotshots about to take on the Boche above the skies of London. Apart from Hoggard, Sidebottom and Prior, who'd be knee deep in sand in north Africa.

1158 - WI 95-4 Chanderpaul has an airy twirl at a ball that pitches and leaves him but he does pick up a single with a nurdle to mid-on.

"A horse called Leg-Spinner runs in the 4.55 at Royal Ascot today. This horse will not be beaten - mark my words. Let's get the retirement fund and kids' inheritance sorted out from this monster today..."
Mark, Dundalk, in the TMS inbox

1151 - WICKET: Gayle c Prior b Hoggard 52, WI 94-4
Gayle has a couple of wild and windy wooshes outside off-stump... before feathering one to Prior behind the stumps. That's a ropey old shot from Gayle, it's like someone's hammered a couple of stakes through his feet. Bravo is next up the ramp, and he survives the over.

"After Mother Theresa's death, I believe Bernard used to sing a touching tribute to her, 'Sandal in the Wind'."
Carole, Maidenhead, in the TMS inbox1147 - WI 94-3 Just one leg-bye from Sidebottom's over...

1144 - WI 93-3 Hoggard is quickly introduced into the attack and he should be a handful in these gloomy conditions. Chanderpaul eases forward and flicks Hoggy away to mid-wicket for one. Did you know that Bernard Manning's hero was Mother Theresa? Apparently she was a regular down the Embassy Club in her salad days. Two more runs for Chanderpaul, easing Hoggard into the covers. No drama so far for the two Windies left-handers.

1136 - WI 89-3 Sidebottom to continue and he strays onto Chanderpaul's pads and is tickled away for four. One more for Chanderpaul with a push into the covers and he keeps the strike.

"In answer to Richard from Lincoln, the great maverick English singer-songwriter Roy Harper wrote 'When An Old Cricketer Leaves The Crease' in the mid-70s. With lines like 'it could be Jeff and it could be John, with a new ball sting in the tail', it was obvious Roy was a great cricket fan. Lovely brass band on there as well, from what I remember."
Nic Oliver in the TMS inbox

1133 - WI 84-3 KP still has four balls of his over remaining and his first delivery is cut away for a single by Chanderpaul. It's sweaters all round up in Durham and there's a big bat-pad shout against Gayle, but umpire Bowden reckons there was no wood on it.

1128: Righto, England enter the fray and out pop Gayle and Chanderpaul from the Riverside pavillion. A huddle from England, from which Monty emerges with a broad grin on his face, as if someone's just told a particularly fruity joke.

"To Lee (see below), it's only cruel if you are thinking of painting a bullseye and throwing balled-up socks at it. A nice floral design or some 60's psychedelia brightens up any tortoise in my view."
John, Manchester, in the TMS inbox

1122: Right, we have an 1130 start time, although, as someone just pointed out on TMS, the umpires will probably have to offer the light pretty soon after. Boycs has just ruled his mother out of the running as England's one-day skipper...

"Lee (see below), I believe it would be cruel to paint the shell of your pet tortise. How would you feel having your house painted some garish colour and then forced to live in it for the next 100 years?"
Andrew Hunter in the TMS inbox

"For Tim Fawbert - Usually at Canterbury there is a great atmosphere at Twenty20 games and the drink of choice is obviously Spitfire! As for after the match, there are several good watering holes around the ground, one outside the entrance and one just down the road called the Cross Keys. In town there are loads of pubs depending on your requirements."
Neil, Aldershot, in the TMS inbox

"How long has Snoop Doggy Dogg been doing the weather for Cricinfo?"
Barry, Devon, in the TMS inbox

"Are Lord Beginner's 'Cricket Lovely Cricket' and 10CC's 'Dreadlock Holiday' the only songs ever written about the game? If so, could the MCC please commission someone to write something new and appropriate?"
Richard, Lincoln, in the TMS inbox

1108: This could be a tremendously frustrating day, although umpires Bowden and Dar are out in the middle checking the pitch. News in that Steve Harmison has got a hernia problem and may require an operation...

"All the kids in the country want to be Pietersen, they don't want to be Collingwood...Pietersen plays outside the norm, going for the safe option is too bland..."
Sir Geoffrey Boycott on TMS

How to listen to TMS

"I don't think I ever hear the Sky presenters or commentators talking in such a way about the BBC coverage, TMS presentators etc (see below). Would you mind being less insulting about people and concentrate on what is going to happen in the game itself?"
Ashley Price in the TMS inbox

"I'm thinking of buying a pet tortoise - would it be cruel to paint its shell?"
Lee, London, in the TMS inbox

"Five German colleagues of mine have caught the bug for cricket and are flying over to 'the Insel' as they call it to watch Kent-Essex in a Twenty20 match on Saturday. Can anyone out there offer some friendly advice on how they should conduct themselves on the day, and indeed where they can find post-match hospitality in Canterbury?"
Tim Fawbert in the TMS inbox

1054: Covers are coming off...but the weather woman on TMS, Susan Powell, reckons "drizzle will be a feature throughout the day". She didn't mention "mizzle".

"Just been giggling at 'Sir' Geoffrey's views on KP as potential one-day captain - [the English public] 'don't care what colour his hair is, if he has got danglers in his ears or round his neck' - class!"
Sarah, Canterbury, in the TMS inbox

1049: According to Cricinfo (thanks chaps) there is "mizzle" in the air at the Riverside and we're not going to be starting at 11. There is plenty of activity in the outfield, however, and Aggers, on TMS, tells me the umpires will take a look in 10 minutes...

1047: Look, I'm going to level with you, I haven't got a clue whether we're starting on time or not - Gower, Athers and Bumble are mincing about talking a load of old rubbish on Sky...I'll just have a look on Cricinfo...