Crime Doesn't Pay...but...

By Tom Foreman, aged 13

Major General Boris Codsworth plunged his hands into the cobweb encrusted cupboard to explore for the rarity of baked beans. There were none. The poor pensioner slid his finger into the dark hole of his piggy bank, only to find a chocolate button and some dead flies. He surely couldn’t live like this anymore. In his heyday, Boris had been Major General of the Royal Marines but sadly he had to sell his medals for a month’s supply of canned food. The year was 2025 and the Prime Minister was Oliver Jameson, he stood for large taxes and no fun. This meant that the elderly had no pension to live off and for many, this was a struggle.

Codsworth had had enough of this nonsense, so he phoned up Linda. Linda Richards was 75, a genius, a fiendish crossword puzzle solver and was once a member of Mensa. He dialled the number on his flip-phone and waited.

“Good evening, Linda old girl, I have a splendid idea I wish to share with you. “

“Hello darling, what would that be?”

“Well, you know this Prime Minister of ours? We should take action immediately and confront him about this miserable pension nonsense once and for all. I believe the best course is to inspire our generation to action. Crime is the way forward! To get it off the ground, we should start with a publicity stunt – get on the news. How about the supermarket around the corner - a spot of theft?”

And that’s where it all started, The Silver Crime Wave and their capture. Linda rather embarrassingly trying to force an overlarge tin up her jumper and being caught immediately.

Before they knew it, the police were shoving them into a van. Codsworth spotted some old ladies coming out of the dry cleaners and bellowed:

“We must fight for our right to a decent living. Follow our lead and spread the word!!!!.”

That night, the word was spread across every old peoples' home and bingo club in England. Unknown to Linda and Boris, a passing youth had also caught it all on video and soon the footage had gone viral.

The next day the country woke up to pandemonium! The Silver Crime Wave was upon them. Elderly on mobility scooters were snatching phones out of peoples hands, threatening postmen, and biting small children. More and more pensioners were being caught for petty crimes and thrown into filling prisons. Prison guards were busy being hit with handbags, tied up untying knitting, searching for false teeth and making tea. The prison system was on its knees.

The Prime Minister couldn’t ignore things any longer and arranged to meet up with Boris and Linda. Major General Codsworth and Mrs Richards fought their case valiantly and the P.M. knew he was beaten. Pensions were raised and the mission accomplished. Order was restored.

As for Linda and Boris, they became the most successful and popular pension’s advisors to the Government….ever.

“Crime doesn’t pay… but…”