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Hard: Upper intermediate level and above, B2 and above 

Introduction

Read the article and answer the questions below. To listen to this article, click here for an audio download.

Read 

1      Apologising is one of the first relationship skills we're taught as children. "Say sorry to your friend for stealing his toy", "Apologise to your mother for being so rude!" Children often apologise because they are told to by adults, regardless of whether they mean it, and the recipient is often told to forgive, regardless of whether they feel it. But the skill of making a heartfelt, genuine apology must grow as we become adults if we want to nurture healthy relationships.

2      Dr. Aaron Lazare, psychiatrist and apology expert, says a good apology should have four elements. The first is to acknowledge the offence and admit that you have wronged someone. Next, there's an opportunity to explain what happened, without excusingyourself – in fact, it's sometimes best to simply say, "There's no excuse for my behaviour." The third step is to express remorse and show that you understand how the behaviour has impacted the other person. Lastly, offer to make amends. If the mistake involved physical damage, have it repaired. If it involved emotional pain, promise to be more sensitive in the future.

3      Research shows that an apology is more effective when it is more costly to the apologiser, whether that's in terms of money, effort or time. For example, a study called 'Do sincere apologies need to be costly?' found people were more convinced by an apology if the apologiser had to inconveniencethemself in order to deliver the apology. For example, if that person made a journey to say sorry, rather than just waiting for the next meetup. A 2025 study called 'Sorries seem to have the harder words', found that people use longer words when apologising than when they're not apologising. It also found that people perceived apologies with longer words as more apologetic than apologies with shorter words.

4  So, be sincere and own your mistakes, remembering that forgiveness can't be forced – the other person has the freedom to forgive or not to forgive. But what's better: harbouring guilt for the rest of your life, or taking that weight off your shoulders?

Questions

1.   Read the article and answer the question.

Which paragraph contains results from studies?

2.    Choose the correct option based on the content of the article.

1. What does the author imply is wrong with apologies made by children?

a. They are often not genuine.
b. They don't take responsibility.
c. They blame the person receiving the apology. 

2. Dr Aaron Lazare believes a good apology involves excusing your behaviour.

a. True
b. False
c. Not given 

3. Dr Aaron Lazare believes you should always apologise for hurting someone, even when you don't think you've done something wrong.

a. True
b. False
c. Not given 

4. What do we learn from the research given in the article?

a. Apologies are more effective when they are costly to the apologiser.
b. Apologies are more effective when they contain longer words.
c. Both. 

5. In paragraph 4, what does 'it' refer to in the sentence? 'It also found that people perceived apologies…'.

a. the study 
b. the scientist
c. the apology

3.    Use the words from the list to complete the summary of the article.

If you have 1) ________, the first step is to acknowledge it and 2) ________. In order for your apology to sound convincing and 3) ________, you should show genuine 4) ________. You can explain yourself, but make sure you don't 5) ________, or it can sound like you want to shift the blame.

own your mistakes
remorse
harbour
inconvenienced 
wronged someone 
excuse yourself
sincere

Vocabulary 

heartfelt
deeply and strongly felt

genuine
real and is what it seems to be

wrong someone
treat someone in an unfair way

excuse yourself
defend your behaviour so that it seems less bad

remorse
deep regret or guilt for something wrong you have done  

make amends
do something good to make up for something bad you have done

sincere
honest and not fake

inconvenience yourself
make something more difficult for yourself

own your mistakes
take responsibility for something you have done wrong; admit wrongdoing

harbour
keep a thought or feeling in your mind

Answers

1.    Read the article and answer the question.

Paragraph 3. It begins with 'Research shows…' and includes results from two studies.

2.    Choose the correct option based on the content of the article. 

1. a. Children often apologise because they are told to by adults. The fact they are told to apologise by adults implies the apologies are not genuine.  

2. b.False. Next, there's an opportunity to explain what happened, without excusing yourself.

3. c. Not given. In the article, we are given Dr Aaron Lazare's tips for how to give a good apology, not when.

4. c.an apology is more effective when it is more costly to the apologiser. Another study found that people perceived apologies with longer words as more apologetic.

5. a. 'it' refers back to the previous sentence: A 2025 study called 'Sorries seem to have the harder words'.

3.    Use the words from the list to complete the summary of the article.

If you have wronged someone the first step is to acknowledge it and own your mistakes. In order for your apology to sound convincing and sincere, you should show genuine remorse. You can explain yourself, but make sure you don't excuse yourself, or it can sound like you want to shift the blame.

Next

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