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Journey back to Victorian London with us for the fifth episode of The Importance of Being Earnest, based on the original comedy by Oscar Wilde.

Algernon is pretending to be Jack's younger brother, Ernest, so he can win Cecily's heart. But Jack arrives and says his brother Ernest has just died. What will happen when Jack sees Algernon there? This can't end well...

Narrator
Jack has returned earlier than expected to his house in the country. He's just told Miss Prism and Reverend Chasuble that his younger brother Ernest is dead. What they don't know is that Algernon is at the house at this very moment, pretending to be Ernest.

Chasuble
I am very sorry about your brother, Mr Worthing. I shall, of course, mention this tragic event in my sermon next Sunday.

Jack
That would be most kind, Reverend.

Chasuble
I can usually adapt my weekly sermon to almost any occasion, happy or sad – weddings, christenings...

Jack
Christenings... Ah! That reminds me, Reverend Chasuble. I suppose you do know how to christen?

Chasuble
Well...

Jack
I mean, of course, you often christen people, don't you?

Chasuble
But which baby do you want to christen, Mr Worthing? Your brother wasn't married, was he?

Jack
Oh no. But it's not for a child, Reverend. No! It's me - I'd like to be christened... this afternoon.

Chasuble
But surely you have been christened already?

Jack
I don't remember anything about it.

Chasuble
Well, what time would you like the ceremony performed?

Jack
Oh, around five if that would suit you?

Chasuble
Perfectly!

Narrator
Just at this time, Cecily comes out of the house into the garden.

Cecily
Uncle Jack! Oh, I am pleased to see you back. But why are you wearing those awful clothes?

Miss Prism
Cecily!

Cecily
Oh! What's the matter, Uncle Jack? You look so sad, and I've got such a surprise for you. Who do you think is in the dining room? Your brother!

Jack
Who?

Cecily
Your brother Ernest. He arrived about half an hour ago.

Jack
But I haven't got a brother.

Cecily
Oh, don't say that. However badly he may have behaved to you in the past, he is still your brother. I'll tell him to come out. You will shake hands with him, won't you, Uncle Jack?

[Cecily leaves]

Chasuble
This is happy news...

Jack
My brother here? That's quite absurd.

Narrator
Cecily comes out of the house again, this time holding Algernon's hand.

Jack
Good heavens!

Algernon
Brother Jack, I've come to tell you that I'm very sorry for all the trouble I've given you, and that I plan to lead a better life in the future.

Narrator
Jack can't believe his eyes and stares at his friend. Algernon puts out his hand, but Jack ignores it.

Cecily
Uncle Jack, you are not going to refuse to shake your own brother's hand?

Jack
Nothing will make me shake his hand. I think him coming down here is disgraceful. He knows perfectly well why.

Cecily
Uncle Jack, do be nice. There is some good in everyone. Ernest has just been telling me about his poor sick friend Mr Bunbury whom he often visits. And there must certainly be a lot of good in someone who is kind to a sick friend.

Jack
Oh! He's been talking about Bunbury, has he?

Cecily
Yes, he has told me all about poor Mr Bunbury, and how ill he is.

Jack
Bunbury! Well, I won't let him talk to you about Bunbury or about anything else.

Algernon
Of course I admit that I have not behaved well, but I expected a more enthusiastic welcome, especially as it's the first time I have come here.

Cecily
Uncle Jack, if you don't shake hands with Ernest I'll never forgive you.

Jack
Never forgive me?

Cecily
Never!

Jack
Well, this is the last time I shall ever do it... There!

Chasuble
I think we should leave the two brothers together.

Miss Prism
Cecily, you will come with us.

Narrator
And so they all go off leaving the men alone. Jack tells Algernon he must leave immediately, but just then, the butler, Merriman, arrives.

Merriman
I have put Mr Ernest's things in the room next to yours, sir. I suppose that is all right?

Jack
What?

Merriman
Mr Ernest's luggage, sir.

Jack
His luggage?

Merriman
Yes, sir.

Jack
Merriman, order the carriage at once. Mr Ernest has been suddenly called back to London.

Merriman
Yes, sir.

Algernon
What a terrible liar you are, Jack. I have not been called back to London at all.

Jack
Yes, you have.

Algernon
Well, I have to say, Cecily is lovely.

Jack
You are not allowed to talk of Miss Cardew like that. I don't like it.

Algernon
Well, I don't like your clothes. Why don't you go and change? It is perfectly childish to be in mourning for a man who is actually staying in your house as a guest.

Jack
You are certainly not staying with me as a guest or anything else. You are leaving... by the four-five train.

Algernon
Well, I won't leave you while you are in mourning. It would be most unkind. If I was in mourning, I think it would be very unkind if you didn't stay with me.

Jack
Well, will you leave if I change my clothes?

Algernon
Yes, if you are not too long. I've never known anyone take so long to get dressed and with such little result.

Jack
Well, it's better than always being over-dressed as you are.

Algernon
If I am occasionally a little over-dressed, I make up for it by always being immensely over-educated.

Jack
Your vanity is ridiculous and your behaviour is an outrage. You have got to catch the four-five back to London. This Bunburying, as you call it, has not been a great success for you.

Narrator
Jack leaves.

Algernon
[To himself] I think it has been a great success. I'm in love with Cecily. I must see her before I go. Ah, there she is watering the flowers.

Cecily
Oh, I just came back to water the roses. I thought you were with Uncle Jack.

Algernon
He's gone to order the carriage for me.

Cecily
Oh, is he going to take you for a nice drive?

Algernon
He's going to send me away.

Cecily
Then have we got to say goodbye?

Algernon
I'm afraid so. It's a very painful parting.

Cecily
It's always painful to part from people you have only just met. It's easy to be apart from old friends for a long time. But being apart for just a short period from someone you have just been introduced to is almost unbearable.

Algernon
Thank you.

Merriman
The carriage is at the door, sir.

Vocabulary

sermon
a talk given by a priest or religious leader during a religious ceremony

adapt
to change something

christening
a Christian ceremony during which a baby is given a name and made a member of the Christian Church

christen
to carry out a religious ceremony during which a baby is given a name and made a member of the Christian Church

absurd
stupid

disgraceful
very bad

invalid
a person who is ill or disabled and cannot look after themselves

liar
a person who says things that are not true

childish
behaving in a silly way, like a young child

mourning
custom of wearing black clothes to show sadness for someone who has died

vanity
the fact of being too proud of your appearance or abilities

outrage
an action that is shocking

parting
the act of leaving someone

Credits

Miss Prism: Catherine Chapman

Miss Cecily Cardew: Alice Brown

Reverend Chasuble: Rob Carter

Merriman: Michael Harrison

Algernon Moncreiff: Darren Benedict

Jack Worthing: Tim Gibson

Narrator: Finn Aberdein

Original play written by: Oscar Wilde

Adaptation by: Sue Mushin

Illustrator: Magdolna Terray

ELT consultant: Catherine Chapman

Producer: Finn Aberdein

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Alice is at the trial of the Knave of Hearts - and she is taller than ever before. The King asks the jury to give their verdict - but will the Queen let Alice escape without a punishment?
Alice in Wonderland: Part 9: Who stole the tarts?
Episode 150424 / 24 Apr 2015
Alice finds herself at a trial. Did the Knave of Hearts steal the Queen's tarts? What does the Hatter know about it - and what's that funny feeling Alice is having?
Alice in Wonderland: Part 8: Croquet with the Queen
Episode 150417 / 17 Apr 2015
Alice plays croquet with the Queen. But what are the rules - and how can Alice play croquet when the ball is a hedgehog?
Alice in Wonderland: Part 7: A mad tea-party
Episode 150410 / 10 Apr 2015
Alice finds the Hatter and the March Hare having a very strange tea-party. They manage to make Alice angry - but how? And do riddles always have answers?
Alice in Wonderland: Part 6: Pig and Pepper
Episode 150403 / 03 Apr 2015
Someone inside the Duchess's house is angry - but who? The Duchess's baby is making some very strange sounds and the Cheshire-Cat smiles while the cook throws things. Will Alice meet anyone who isn't mad?
Alice in Wonderland: Part 5: Advice from a caterpillar
Episode 150327 / 27 Mar 2015
Alice is beginning to wonder who she is, when a caterpillar gives her some advice about a magical mushroom. But is it good advice – and who thinks Alice is a snake?
Alice in Wonderland: Part 4: The White Rabbit's house
Episode 150320 / 20 Mar 2015
Alice is too big to fit inside the White Rabbit's house. The problem is, she's already inside it! How does she get out - and why is everyone throwing cakes?
Alice in Wonderland: Part 3: The Caucus-race
Episode 150313 / 13 Mar 2015
Alice meets all sorts of creatures as she swims around in a pool of her own tears. She joins in a Caucus-race: but how can you win a race with no rules? And who will give the prizes?
Alice in Wonderland: Part 2: The pool of tears
Episode 150306 / 06 Mar 2015
Alice can't stay the same size for more than a few minutes! When she's big, she cries a pool of tears. What will happen to her when she gets smaller again?
Alice in Wonderland: Part 1: Down the rabbit hole
Episode 150227 / 27 Feb 2015
Alice is an ordinary girl, until the day a white rabbit runs past her, saying "I'm late!" Alice follows the White Rabbit as he runs down a rabbit hole, and a whole Wonderland of adventure begins…
A Christmas Carol - ep 05 - The end of it
Episode 05 / 26 Dec 2014
Ebenezer Scrooge has been taken to several different places by three spirits. He saw that if he died, nobody would care because he is a bad man. How will this experience change Scrooge's life?
A Christmas Carol - Part 4: The third of three spirits
Episode 04 / 25 Dec 2014
Ebenezer Scrooge is getting used to the company of ghosts, but here's one he doesn't expect.
A Christmas Carol - Part 3: The second of three spirits
Episode 03 / 24 Dec 2014
Ebenezer Scrooge seems to be changing his ways. He has learnt a lesson from a ghost which took him to the past and now is ready to be visited by the Spirit of Christmas Present.
A Christmas Carol - Part 2: The first of three spirits
Episode 02 / 23 Dec 2014
Selfish businessman Ebenezer Scrooge receives a visit from the first of three spirits. This is the Spirit of Christmas Past.
A Christmas Carol - Part 1: Marley's ghost
Episode 01 / 22 Dec 2014
In this episode, you'll get to know Ebenezer Scrooge. Nobody seems to be able to get a kind word or even a smile out of him.