Someone is so pleased with the BBC's online weather site that there was an expensive-looking ad for it on TV last night.
Online weather is all very well, but it misses the point of a proper weather forecast, whose real purpose is to draw its audience in for a homely chat; ideally about shared suffering.
A good forecast reminds us that, whether we're in the Hebrides or East Anglia, we're also part of something bigger, and all at the mercy of meteorological events.
So, however sophisticated online weather gets, I hope we don't lose the reassuring tones of Helen Willetts (left) and her colleagues, gently bamboozling us with this kind of thing (at 5.30 on BBC Radio 4 this morning):
Rory Morrison:
"Well, that's the news. Now the weather forecast and we welcome back Helen Willetts."
Helen Willetts:
"Rory, thank you very much indeed. What a day yesterday - some lovely sunshine around. Fifteen degrees at Mumbles in South Wales and over six hours of sunshine - not bad - in East Sussex. And we'll see some sunshine again today. I'm going to start the detail actually across the South of England, including the Midlands, Eastern England and Wales. Well, we've got some early misty low cloud and drizzle. That'll clear the South-East fairly quickly. Then we'll see some drier, brighter weather; a little bit of sunshine. Just a rogue shower through the day, then, I think. And, although it'll be windier than yesterday, I think temperatures will get up to between 14 and 16 degrees Celsius - 16 in the sunshine. There will be exceptions though of course, as there always are, and for North Wales it'll turn quite wet. And particularly windy into the afternoon. Which brings me on to the North of England where we're having more concern about some sizeable amounts of rainfall here for Cumbria, Lancashire and possible Yorkshire through the day - up to 50 millimetres, which could lead to some localised flooding. So temperatures fairly academic at 13 degrees, but there will be some reasonably bright weather, particularly east of the Lincolnshire wolds and east of the Pennines, so here hopefully not seeing that much rain, but certainly a lot of cloud. For Northern Ireland, well, southern areas will potentially have a little bit of rain, so counties Down and Fermanagh. And there'll be some local gales in the north. But for the North generally, a little bit brighter with just a scattering of showers and a little bit of sunshine. Temperatures, as I say, 13 degrees Celsius. Forgot to mention as well that Northern England will have some very strong winds as well, as will Scotland. We're talking about gales, locally severe gales here as well, particularly for the Highlands and the Islands, driving in plenty of heavy showers and thunderstorms. Otherwise, I think we'll see fewer showers for the eastern side of Scotland; a little bit more sunshine. So 13 for Aberdeen, just 12 in Glasgow, but obviously tempered by that strong wind and more to come this week I'm afraid Rory ..."
Rory Morrison:
"Hmm, hmm, [or possibly a very muted 'ha ha'], thank you Helen for that."
If you still think you can get any idea about the weather from a classic performance like that, see how many of the following questions you can answer (without cheating):
1. Will it be windier in North Wales this afternoon than it was yesterday?
2. Why will temperatures be 'fairly academic' in Yorkshire?
3. If you are thinking of going out in southern Northern Ireland, should you wait?
4. What is Helen afraid there will be more of later this week?
5. Where in the country should you be prepared for a 'rogue shower'?
6. Which part of England will experience local gales, showers and a little bit of sunshine today?
7. How good would you feel about it being 12, 13, 14, 15 or 16 Celsius today?
8. Which is worse: a scattering or a smattering of showers?
9. Was Paul Simon right to claim he could "get all the news I need from the weather report"?
10. Can you identify any similarities between Helen Willett's report and that given by Matt Taylor (right) on Radio 4 two and-a-half hours later?
"We've got mild Atlantic air with us today. But that will be offset somewhat by a strong south-westerly wind touching gale force in places across the UK, particularly over the hills and around the coast, and it will also bring a little bit of wet weather for some as well. Now, across South-West England, South-East England and also East Anglia, the overnight rain is now clearing. We'll have a predominantly dry day here with some bright or sunny spells, although any sunshine will be a little on the hazy side. But temperatures in those brighter moments will peak at around 15, maybe even 16 Celsius. Pretty mild for the time of year. Across Wales, Midlands and North-East England, a little bit of rain around at the moment, chiefly in North-East England. Most starting dry and bright. We will see some further damp conditions develop through the day, chiefly over the higher ground. And Snowdonia will start to see the heaviest rain later on - temperatures around 13 or 14. For North-West England, rain becoming more widespread, heavier into the afternoon. Strong winds as well; temperatures here only around 12 degrees. Northern Ireland: some bright and sunny spells, and one or two showers this morning, but the afternoon cloudy with rain across the South and a high of 13. And for Scotland, most will see some sunshine, at points through the day, but there'll be some heavy and thundery downpours as well; temperature of 12."
