Chart Attack #7 - Most Annoying Christmas Songs Ever
So this is Christmas, and what have you done? As ever, November had barely even begun and every time we flicked our dial to a radio station it was wall to wall enforced merriment and oh-so-cosy festive bo... sorry... frolicks. We love Christmas, don't get us wrong, but for every Fairytale of New York there is a seasonal abomination that makes us want to boot an elf from here to Lapland and back. "Bah humbug", we say to the purveyors of X-mas tat, here is our list of the top five worst holly-be-decked offenders. Sir Cliff gets a bye, because we met him once and he smelt very nice.
5. Shakin' Stevens - Merry Christmas Everyone
The raven-haired welsh faux-rocker may have generated a frisson with an air of danger among some pensionable ladies in Rhyl in the mid-80's, possibly because he was modelling the exact same hideous woollen jumpers they were about to inflict on their grandsons, but this slice of Christmas cheese really is a monstrous carbunkle on the nose of music.
4. Mariah Carey - All I Want For Christmas Is You
3. The Beach Boys - Santa's Beard
Brian Wilson is surely in the uppermost reachest of the songwriting pantheon, and most of his cast-off B-sides are still better than many bands' entire creative output, but everyone has an off day. Yes it sounds like the Beach Boys, but this sounds like the Wilson brothers had been more than generous with the eggnog in the studio that day. Santa don't surf.
2. Paul McCartney - Wonderful Christmastime
Under severe duress from the rest of the office, I must add, this has been voted in. It seems that the synth-pop sounds of fab macca's post Beatles escapades offends some people. Pah! The video is an absolute stinker of the highest order in fairness. Even Christmas, the season of goodwill, does not excuse the use of jazz hands.
1. Band Aid 20 - Do They Know Its Christmas?
Well, just where to begin? Is it the pungent whiff of PR opportunity that is hanging off most of the participants? Is it the fact that we have no idea who half these people are already? Is it the so very urban element of the rap to please da kidz? The original was at least epoch-defining, but this was in reality a shocking admission that the music industry is utterly bereft of any spark of originality.
Comment number 1.
At 13:07 4th Dec 2009, Steven Rainey wrote:There are some songs where the intro just screams, "SATISFACTION GUARANTEED."
(Like 'Love Action' by the Human League, for example)
Conversely, there are other intros which serve as a warning to LEAVE THE BUILDING!
And 'Wonderful Christmastime' is one of them.
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Comment number 2.
At 10:14 7th Dec 2009, ATL Bell wrote:Poor old Shakey. You not like the Welsh Elvis McClean? Shame on you. All he wants to do is wish you a merry Christmas. As for the worst one - Kim Wilde & Mel Smith doing 'Rocking Around the Christmas Tree' ring any bells for anyone? Horrible.
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