Loast by Anne Donovan

• Loast is a short story by Anne Donovan.
• It is the story of an elderly woman who is losing her memory. She may be in the early stages of dementia.
• The woman struggles with these changes and the emotional aspects of ageing as she tries to recall words, complete basic daily tasks, and maintain a sense of her own identity.

The story explores themes of:

• loss
• loneliness and isolation
• memory and identity
• confinement and escape
• motherhood
• voice and silence
• resilience

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A sense of displacement and loss

The narrator of Loast begins the story by describing how the tree outside blowing in wind somehow moves things around in her room. She blames either this wind or her sister, Agnes, for moving things.

It's thon tree ootside the bedroom windae […] It waves in the wind and muddies the light and things move aboot. You put them in the drawer an they turn up in the wardrobe

However, she tells us that she is also losing vocabulary, which allows the reader to conclude that she is struggling with loss. Loss is a common theme in Donovan’s stories.

Words, too, keep gettin loast inside yer heid somewhere.

Strained relationships and isolation

The narrator lives with her sister Agnes, although she does not particularly get on with her:

Folk think, because you're sisters and you live thegither, you must be close

Their relationship is portrayed as strained and distant, and the reader is given the impression that Agnes finds her sister to be a burden.

The narrator wishes her other sister, Jean, had wanted her to stay after Jean’s husband died and her children left home, but she never asked. Now the narrator is unable to leave Agnes as she has come to depend on her for too much. She hates living with Agnes, who seems to take a dark pleasure in being uncomfortable.

Changing identity

The narrator tells us of how she was once vibrant, wearing beautiful, colourful and coordinated clothing, that she was always dressed well. She no longer recognises herself, and that pride she held in her appearance is gone. She feels like ‘a loast shape’ now. In her youth, she was productive and sociable, and her ‘bletherin’ was appreciated when she worked in a clothes shop and provided effective customer service.

She used to be proud of her ability to earn a wage. She describes feeling ‘lik a millionaire’ but now she can't find joy in spending money:

You cannae buy anythin you want wi it any mair, because there is nothin you want.

Her ability to communicate is no longer what it was, and is not appreciated by her sister, so the narrator now feels invisible and isolated. She reminisces about times she spent shopping with her niece, and she longs for the warmth of human connection, especially with the daughter she never had.

Her memories drift between past happiness and the confusion she feels in her current existence. Throughout, she reflects on all the things she has lost: opportunities, relationships, motherhood.

The greatest excitement she has is a visit to the doctor. She describes getting ready especially for it, like it is a big event. She enjoys smiling at and talking to other people in the waiting room but these conversations are ‘no difficult, no a real conversation that you huv tae answer.’

She reflects on how a daughter would help her at the doctor's and with her physical and emotional decline:

A daughter would come tae the doctor's wi you an explain things tae him; a daughter wouldnae let you go on your ain an get all mixed up wi your words tae you burst oot greetin.

She longs for a daughter who would be ‘saft’ with her. The reader feels sympathy because the narrator must, however, live with the ‘hard an fiece’ sister.

Our attention returns to the tree outside the narrator's window. She believes that if council workers arrive to cut back its branches, light might return to her room. With that, she also hopes that a fragment of herself will return. She thinks:

these shadows will go

The reader is left with a sense of her hope, but also with a sense of sadness as the reader is clear that this woman will never return to the way that she was when she was young.

Loast is written in the second person, which is quite unusual for a short story. The narrator uses “you” throughout, talking about herself in a way that:

• gives us an intimate sense of how she feels
• mimics the disorientation she feels
• gives the impression that we are hearing her internal dialogue (how she speaks to herself)
• distances her from her own life and her own experience

As she loses her sense of self, using “you” becomes a way for her to observe herself from the outside:

You cannae see yoursel any mair jist a wee loast shape…

The use of second person also mimics how fragmented her memories have become and how far she feels from being the person she used to be. It’s like she’s talking to another person – this new person she doesn’t recognise as being herself. Or maybe she’s talking to her old self – the one who was stylish and successful. This is an effective way to show the themes of identity and memory as these are being damaged by the ageing process and the narrator’s cognitive decline.

You put them in the drawer an they turn up in the wardrobe.

The narrative voice also creates empathy. The reader is drawn into her experiences – suggesting that ‘you’ could one day be ‘us’. This creates an emotional impact and can be described as pathos..

Typically for Donovan, this story is written:

• in Glaswegian Scots
• in a conversational tone

This makes it seem like we are part of a conversation with the narrator; that she is confessing something to us, or that we are hearing her private thoughts.

The use of Scots is a vital part of the story as it links the narrator to her cultural identity and to her past. We see she is a working-class woman and that she came from the wartime era. This anchors her in time and place.

One of the key themes is the gradual erosion of her language, and if her use of Scots language represents her identity, this also echoes the erosion of her identity. Her unique vocabulary and phrasing – things that make her who she is – are beginning to disappear.

In the short story Loast, Donovan creates a narrator whose fragmented memories, emotional vulnerability and sense of disconnection reveal her character. The unnamed narrator finds herself experiencing memory loss, which is likely due to the onset of dementia. She tells us that she finds it difficult to remember words, that she loses objects, and is confused by everyday tasks, such as paying for her bus. Although her narrative is thoroughly believable, and her account appears to be honest, these other factors could make her an unreliable narrator, as we cannot be sure that she's always perceiving the world around her as it actually is.

Her internal monologue is disjointed and repetitive, mirroring the fog of her mental state:

words… keep getting loast inside yer heid somewhere.

The narrator is a poignant character. She was once lively and independent, now feels “loast” and adrift. The world is no longer a place she remembers – and she certainly doesn’t feel part of it. The use of second person narration amplifies this sense of detachment: it makes her feel both present and absent. She seems like a woman slowly vanishing from her own story. She tells the reader that

All you want is to get back tae bein yoursel

It is suggested that the narrator is deeply isolated, both physically and emotionally. Her relationship with Agnes is cold and distant, and it is like they have just been left alone together “like two auld bits a leftower furniture”, neither of them being particularly pleased about the situation. Agnes seems to be ‘hard’ on the narrator, who blames Agnes for moving her things. When she does this, Agnes “gies you wanny her looks that makes you want tae greet”, creating a sense of sympathy for the narrator.

Previously, the narrator was an effective communicator, particularly in her workplace:

your bletherin was a gift then, the customers came back time and again, you made them feel special, remembered all their names

But now, because of her cognitive decline, she often finds that, when speaking:

you wish you'd never said anythin in the furst place, and mibbe next time you'll no bother.

The reader is given a clear sense of how vibrant she was in the past – how she used to love being paid for her work and ‘felt lik a millionaire’ when she was able to spend the money on socialising and fashion.

Her speech is rich with nostalgia, suggesting a life once full of colour, connection, and purpose. She took pride in her appearance and was “aye turned oot lovely in thae days”. Whereas now she feels invisible, in the past she:

loved bright colours lik yella an red an emerald green an you had everythin matchin, bags an shoes and beads

She was clearly always a very well dressed person. She was also productive and creative, being able to create her own clothing with “neat and clever” fingers which she remembered “whizzin alang” on her sewing maching. Now, though, she is dependent on Agnes. She struggles with managing money, travelling alone, and communicating clearly with others. Her sense of agency is eroded — she’s trapped in a house she hates, in a life that feels increasingly out of her control. She no longer even feels like she can take care of her own body as it “disnae seem lik your body, it's hardly worth the trouble”.

Another area where Donovan creates sympathy for her narrator is through the sense of unfulfilled maternal love. The narrator mourns the absence of a daughter she never had and the husband that never materialised due to a post-war shortage of men, which left her unmarried. She imagines what it would be like to have a daughter, describing scenes with a “wee lassie” in a velvet coat and red ribbon - a child who exists only in her imagination but who would support her in her later life instead of leaving her struggling. The reader sees that the visits to the doctors leave her confused and that she is prone to “burst oot greetin” when she is overwhelmed at these appointments. She yearns for a daughter who would care for her. The narrator doesn’t understand why her sister has changed from someone she used to laugh with to someone who is now so hard on her.

Her final, senselessly hopeful thought is that when the workmen come to trim the tree outside her window:

the light will come into this room again and these shadows will go. Mibbe then you 'll stop lossin things.

She still clings to the hope that she can improve, which is the last, heartbreaking thought the reader is left with: her decline will only get worse, and no amount of daylight through the window will change that.

The character of Agnes is quietly devastating, not because she’s cruel or nasty, but because she is cold, detached, and rigid. Her lack of warmth enhances the narrator’s sense of isolation and feelings of loss. Agnes could be seen as a villain because she is a deeply painful presence in the narrator’s life; however, there is potentially more to her than this.

The narrator depicts Agnes as cold and unsympathetic; however, the reader must also consider that living with a sister who is gradually losing her mental faculties can be very challenging for Agnes. She has faced the same disappointments as the narrator: not finding a partner, not having children, and living with a sister with whom she shares little in common. Although Agnes appears emotionally detached, she might also be struggling, though perhaps less obviously. Her apparent harshness could stem from various sources—and may not be as genuine as the narrator believes. Since the story is told from the narrator’s point of view, the reader only perceive things through her (unreliable) perspective.

Agnes comes across as a very stern presence in the narrator’s life. When she is blamed for the narrator losing things, she gives the narrator

wanny her looks that make you want tae greet

This is heartbreaking for the reader – the fragile, confused narrator is upset and brought to tears, just by the way her sister looks at her.

Agnes appears to be obsessed with maintaining order in the home, often at the expense of comfort. She insists on keeping dishes in high cupboards and sitting in awkward positions to watch TV, suggesting a need for control or self-denial. “That's where they've always been,” she says when Jean asks why she doesn't move them nearer, which might suggest that she is a stickler for tradition. Agnes wants to keep things the same, as far as she can. Ironically, the narrator would also like to keep things as they used to be, but is no longer able to do this. The narrator, however, thinks Agnes makes a deliberate choice to live uncomfortably in order to make life difficult for her.

The narrator portrays Agnes as being fastidious. Agnes’s preferences for the way mail is addressed (to “The Misses O’Halloran”) lead the narrator to believe her sister is fixated on appearances and social correctness. The narrator sees this as another source of isolation – she cannot even claim ownership of a shared communication, or find it comforting, as these have become communal postcards, cards, and letters.

The narrator further presents Agnes as almost a stranger to them. She rarely has conversations with the narrator – they ‘havenae much to say tae each other after aw these years’ – which indicates they have few interests in common.

She’d raither have read a book or sumpn than listen tae you jabberin oan

The narrator suggests that neither of their lives give them new topics to talk about. Agnes also appears to lack emotional warmth or the patience to listen to her sister for long:

She never had any patience wi your conversation even before the words started tae get loast in your heid.

Agnes symbolises the emotional and physical trap the narrator is in: she is confined to a house she hates but cannot leave because she depends on Agnes. However, the narrator perceives this as her sister trapping her:

you cannae get away fae it because she won't let you

This makes Agnes seem controlling and domineering. Yet, Agnes is also caught in this trap. Their relationship is described as “two auld bits o leftower furniture”, evoking a sense of sadness for both. A mismatched pair, they have been discarded by society and both feel purposeless.

The narrator hints at a more joyful shared past: they used to go dancing and giggle over soldiers. However, these memories are now distant, from when both had hopes of marriage. Since then, Agnes has become unrecognisable, even metaphorically monstrous:

Sometimes you look at her hunched over the newspaper and see a big black crow…

Like the crows mentioned at the beginning of the story, this symbol carries very negative connotations. A crow is a carrion bird, scavenging over death. It is also considered bad luck. The narrator feels like she is prey for Agnes, who is picking at her as she struggles. This shift from sister to symbolic predator underscores the narrator’s feelings of betrayal and emotional abandonment.

Agnes appears “pointy and jaggy” and “hunched”, suggesting she is extremely thin, fragile, and not in the best physical condition. This implies that Agnes might be, perhaps, as miserable as the narrator. It could, of course, be that Agnes resents having to care for a sister who is declining, or it could reflect her own grief at what she has missed in her own life. From the narrator's perspective, however, Agnes’s coldness, rigidity, and emotional distance make her a symbol of everything the narrator has lost: the warmth of family, connection with others, and understanding. Through Agnes, Donovan demonstrates that relationships can deteriorate not through drama or conflict, but through silence, disconnection, and emotional neglect.

However, a kinder interpretation of Agnes’s motives might be that she doesn’t move things to help her sister remember where to find them. Perhaps she sits in that seat so her sister might have a better one. Maybe Agnes does not want to be taken for granted or overlooked, or to have people disrespect her just because she’s old. Maybe her grief at never finding love and the stress of looking after a loved one who is slowly slipping away is causing her pain, too. However, since the reader is hearing about Agnes only from the narrator’s perspective, which could be especially unreliable as a result of her decline, the reader will never know if this could be true.

The tree outside the narrator's window is a symbol of the mental and emotional darkness the narrator feels.

The overgrown branches symbolise the confusion in her mind. The tree blocks the light, which is a metaphor for the darkness she feels and the lack of clarity in her mind.

The possibility of council workers coming to trim the tree provides a tiny glimmer of hope: she sees the possible return of clarity and light.

Colour and creative expression is also an important element of the narrator's identity, especially in how she dresses. The narrator talks about the colourful clothes she used to wear to express herself.

loved bright colours lik yella an red an emerald green

She no longer recognises herself and has become a "a loast shape". Her life seems to lack the colour and vibrancy it once had, describing how the overgrown tree outside her room "muddies" the light and casts "shadows".

Colour is also used as a symbol in the other Donovan stories:

The story contains abundant imagery as the narrator describes her past and present lives.

At the start of the story, the narrator describes the crows as:

big black burds nest in it, swoopin by lik enemy planes

This is effective as it suggests she sees these birds as dangerous to her and it also shows us that she lived through the war and that this is an image familiar to her.

Birds appear as a common piece of imagery which is likely due to the looming presence of the large tree in the narrator’s life. She describes herself as: “jabberin oan lik a daft wee burdie” which suggests she makes a lot of noise without really adding any sense to a conversation.

Another use of simile is the description of the two sisters who are “jist here thegither like two auld bits a leftower furniture”. Mismatched and unwanted, these two sisters have been left behind, getting tattier by the day.

Finally, the narrator explains how she finds that money has little meaning to her any more and that she sometimes has the urge to scatter it:

Sometimes you feel lik takin it oot an throwin it roon the place, lettin it fly in every direction lik pee-the-beds blown by the wind, for whit use is it to you noo?

"Pee-the-bed" is a nickname for dandelions, particularly in Scotland. By saying she wants to let her money fly like dandelion seeds, the reader gets the sense that she is also ready to let go of all the things that cause her to worry.

The tree outside the speaker's window is personified as a hostile force:

It's thon tree ootside the bedroom windae […] It waves in the wind and muddies the light and things move aboot.

The narrator suggests that the tree deliberately makes her room draughty and dull.

The symbolism of the tree blocking the light is important. The narrator's life was once full of colour (she "loved bright colours") but in her current state, her life is dark and dingy. The fact that the tree is also described as moving things around reflects the uncertainty the narrator feels in her life. She feels unsettled in her environment.

Her speech is rich in metaphor too. When describing how she tries to remember things, she compares it to rummaging about – but not in a bag or drawer to find something, instead she describes it like rummaging in your own head.

you're rummlin aboot inside yer heid

She also describes the insider of her head as

cottonwool stuff that seems tae float aboot inside yer heid

This suggests her brain feels like it’s lightweight, full of ‘fluff’ rather than knowledge.

She often describes her cognitive decline in metaphors, such as “you look in the mirror and you cannae see yourself” – obviously she can, she just doesn’t recognise the person she sees.

She calls herself “a wee loast shape, faded away in the distance” again, showing how far away she is from her own memory of herself. She calls her mirror:

misty and milky as though somebdy hus smeared it wi poalish and forgotten tae rub it aff

This again shows how she struggles to understand who it is she sees.

In reference to her sister, she returns to the crows from the opening of the story. Equally as threatening, Agnes is described as “a big black crow, pointy and jaggy” suggesting the narrator finds her sister to be a hostile force.

Finally, the tree retains its symbolic importance at the end. The narrator hopes that

when aw the branches are cut aff, the light will come intae this room again and these shadows will go. Mibbe then you'll stop lossin things

Rather than this literally meaning she wants the light back, it also represents that she wants to lose the fog and darkness from her mind and to return to the lightness of her younger days.

The story explores the themes of loss, memory, and the poignant relationship between language and identity. Written in her signature Glaswegian Scots, the story focuses on an elderly woman who is beginning to lose her memory, revealing the fragility of the self as memories.

The theme of loss is central to Loast, as the title would suggest: it is not just lost objects or words that she is losing, but she is losing a sense of who she is.

The central theme is the narrator’s memory loss, likely due to the onset of dementia. She is losing her words, and this struggle to recall words and events reflects a more profound loss of self – the loss of her independence and her sense of identity. She is not even given a name in this story, emphasising the loss of identity. Once vibrant, sociable, and stylish, who she used to be is fading:

You cannae see yoursel any mair jist a wee loast shape…

She lost the chance to be a mother due to the loss of men during WW2. In the story, she mourns the daughter she wishes she had, a symbolic loss that deepens her emotional isolation.

She lost what little positive relationship she had with Agnes – they were once sisters who danced and giggled, but are now strangers who live in the same house.

The theme of loss is also shown in the other stories:

Although she does not live alone, the narrator feels emotionally isolated. Her relationship with her sister is cold and distant, and the narrator longs for connection. Their house becomes a metaphor for their isolation:

two auld bits o leftower furniture.

Like these mismatched leftovers, the narrator feels invisible in her own life. Her isolation is emotional and physical. The narrator is trapped in a house and a relationship that offers no warmth.

The theme of loneliness and isolation is also shown in the other stories:

In Loast, the narrator’s fading memory causes her to lose her sense of identity. She suggests that she no longer recognises herself in the mirror or in her relationships. She also forgets how to manage money, what words to use and where she has put things. She remembers the past very fondly, though, and with a strong sense of nostalgia as she recognises that her identity is changing due to her ageing. Her memory is not a comfort – it is a reminder of all that she could have had and doesn’t.

The theme of memory and identity is also shown in the other stories:

The narrator appears to be confined by her declining mental state. She is also physically confined to her sister's house; she has become dependent on her sister for day-to-day living but hates living with her.

you hate this hoose but you cannae get away fae it because she won't let you; you've hated it for years wi its cauld rooms and ugly wallpaper and uncomfortable chairs, but she'll no move.

She is losing vocabulary, and cannot communicate freely, which is a kind of confinement in itself. Her room, and life, seem dark and dingy.

However, there is a glimmer of hope that she can escape this when she says that:

the light will come intae this room again and these shadows will go.

The theme of confinement and escape is also shown in the other stories:

In Loast, the narrator reflects on her past: her work in the shop, her sense of style, her social life, her interactions with her family. These memories are vivid and colourful, like her fashion sense, in stark contrast to her present reality.

She conveys a deep sense of regret. She has missed many opportunities, potential relationships, and a family life. She is nostalgic about her past fun with Agnes and regrets staying with her and not trying to live with Jean instead. She thinks of her niece with nostalgia.

The theme of nostalgia and regret is also shown in the other stories:

Motherhood, whether it is real or imagined, is a way Donovan explores love, loss, and identity.

One of the most poignant themes in Loast is the narrator’s regret at not having a daughter. This yearning highlights her emotional emptiness and her desire for unconditional love and to be cared for.

She also shows this through her sadness at her niece identifying her as an aunt rather than a mother.

The theme of motherhood is also shown in the other stories:

In all of Donovan’s stories, the use of Glaswegian Scots is key to the identity of the female narrators. The use of Scots offers authenticity and adds to the story’s realism. Her use of Scots carries an emotional weight. The words and patterns of her speech create familiarity, tenderness, and a sense of reality. When the character says things like “you cannae see yoursel any mair jist a wee loast shape”, it has more emotional impact because it feels more genuine.

As the narrator loses her ability to remember words and use her language, she is also losing her sense of who she is. She now finds it difficult to express herself, and instead prefers to stay silent rather than to continually be frustrated by being misunderstood:

You wish you’d never said anythin in the furst place, and mibbe next time you’ll no bother.

Her silence is not peaceful; it’s hard for her and creates isolation between her and others. It’s a sign of her own cognitive decline and her sister’s emotional neglect.

The use of the second-person narrative voice is used to show this sense of dislocation. This makes it sound like the narrator is talking to herself, as if she’s no longer fully present.

The theme of voice and silence is also shown in the other stories:

In all of Donovan’s stories, the theme of resilience is key.

In Loast, despite the many challenges she is facing, the narrator continues to cling to her memories and her identity. Her resilience is perhaps more subtle than that of the younger characters in the other stories, but hers is rooted in emotional endurance. She has dealt with many disappointments in her life and still has hope that things will improve. She holds onto her pride, remembering how good she was at work and how well she looked. Despite feeling like she has lost control of her body, she still takes the time to prepare for the doctor.

The theme of resilience is also shown in the other stories:

Revise Loast and other short stories by Anne Donovan with interactive quizzes for National 5 English.