Literally! Social media parodies: Video playlist

DRAMATIC JAZZ MUSIC
BIRLING FAMILY: We are the Birling family.
GERALD: And Gerald. Gerald Croft, Crofts Limited.
SHEILA : And we’re here to play…
I’m Sheila’s fiancé.
SHEILA: Yes. And we’re here to play Finish the Line with Inspector Goole.
INSPECTOR: Hello, that is me. I have gathered the Birlings.
That’s us.
That’s us.
INSPECTOR: Minus Eric, who predictably has gone missing.
BIRLINGS: We don’t talk about him.
INSPECTOR: To see if they can remember what they said earlier tonight.
Are you ready?
SHEILA: Please, I was born wealthy.
Uh, ready, I was born ready.
INSPECTOR: Finish this quote.
“The world’s developing so fast that it’ll make…”
BIRLING: Money.
INSPECTOR: Wrong.
INSPECTOR: The world is developing so fast that it’ll make war impossible.
Congratulations, Mr Birling, that is correct.
SHEILA: Well done, you.
INSPECTOR: Well, you are wrong, very wrong.
BIRLING: Fiddlesticks! It’s 1912, nobody wants war.
Do you want war?
GERALD: I don’t want war.
I mean, there’s too much at stake these days. Quite.
SHEILA: Daddy’s very clever.
INSPECTOR: Yes, I am absolutely certain there’ll be no wars at all in the 20th century.
BIRLING: Listen here, funny man, it is the age of progress.
I mean, have you heard of the Titanic, hm?
They made a boat that is unsinkable.
SHEILA: Unsinkable. Daddy really is very clever.
BIRLING: I am, so give me my point, please.
INSPECTOR: Right, well, this has been enormous fun.
But I think it’s time that us girls leave these men to it.
INSPECTOR: No, no, we’re not finished, no, that… do you think that was it?
BIRLING: Oh. No.
INSPECTOR: No, I’ve got loads of questions. Sit down, thank you.
Oh, well then. She does have plans.
Time for round two.
So, this is a quote that I said to all of you about the deceased.
ALL: Oh.
SHEILA: Why are we talking about the deceased?
INSPECTOR: Eva Smith.
SHEILA: Oh, that!
What a rotten shame.
BIRLING: Why the devil do you want to go upsetting the child like that?
You should be ashamed, okay? She is a baby. An innocent baby.
GERALD: Uh, but also, uh, an adult. Not marrying a baby, just to be clear.
INSPECTOR: Finish this quote: “Regarding Eva Smith’s death, each of you helped…”
BIRLING: Oh, yes, I… I think we did, yes. We are charitable people.
We do our best to help others all the time, don’t we?
Yes, always trying our best, yeah.
INSPECTOR: Fantastic, well done, Birlings.
Well, this has been enormous fun, you.
SHEILA: Toodle pip!
INSPECTOR: But I think it’s time—
No, no, sit down!
Sit down, sit down. That’s not the quote!
It’s, “Each of you helped…”
SHEILA: To kill her.
ALL: (Shouting)
SHEILA: You, you!
BIRLING: Sheila, don’t talk nonsense.
INSPECTOR: Congratulations, Sheila, that is correct.
SHEILA: What?
INSPECTOR: Sheila, I’m going to take your paddle, okay?
SHEILA: No!
BIRLING: Give it to Mummy. You can’t be trusted.
SHEILA: No, give me my paddle!
BIRLING: Give it to me, or there will be consequ—
SHEILA: I’m… Give her the paddle.
INSPECTOR…trying to tell the truth.
Give me the paddle.
ALL: Give her the paddle!
Give me the paddle!
Give her the paddle!
BIRLING: Give me the paddle. Do you know what?
You ought to go to bed.
I think you’ll feel better in the morning.
MRS BIRLING: Mm. She’s had a long, exciting and tiring day.
BIRLING: Exactly.
SHEILA: He means I’m getting hysterical.
INSPECTOR: And are you?
SHEILA: Probably.
INSPECTOR: Final question.
BIRLING: Ha!
INSPECTOR: I’m losing all patience with you people.
Inspector, perhaps you and I better go talk this over quietly… in a corner.
INSPECTOR: It’s my duty to ask questions.
BIRLING: And it is my duty to keep labour costs down!
BIRLING: Sure, not directly relevant, but I’m just saying we’ve all got things going on.
INSPECTOR: Okay, final round, final question.
Plenty still to play for, plenty still to own up to.
Here goes.
BIRLING: I don’t like that.
INSPECTOR: Finish this quote, please.
“We are members of one body, we are responsible for…”
GERALD: Crofts Limited.
BIRLING: Exactly.
Keeping labour costs down. Didn’t I just say that?
SHEILA: Yeah, you did say that.
INSPECTOR: The quote was, “We are responsible for each other.”
SHEILA: Oh, right, it was each other.
INSPECTOR: “And the time will soon come when, if men will not learn that lesson, then they will be taught it in fire and blood and anguish.”
SHEILA: I don’t remember that bit.
BIRLING: You’re such a drag.
INSPECTOR: But Sheila, you got the vague idea.
I mean, you basically just said the same thing twice.
So I will give you the point. SHEILA: Yay!
SHEILA: It should feel good, but it doesn’t.
INSPECTOR: So the final scores are Sheila with two,
Mr Birling with one.
But the real loser is society.
INSPECTOR: So, uh, you know, well played, everyone.
Oh, Titanic sinks, by the way.
BIRLINGS: (Protesting)
SHEILA: Thank you. I have learnt something tonight.
BIRLING: (Laughs)
MRS BIRLING: Wait, hang on.
Oh, darling… well done.
Oh no, um, Sheila, the wedding’s still on, isn’t it?
GERALD: What do you mean it sinks?
Hey, funny man, come back here!
MRS BIRLING: I’ve actually had enormous fun.
Ah, yeah.
Good to get out.