Dad
These are low aren't they? Leg day.
Mum
Ah right.
Dad
Which one's… Which one's yours?
Mum
Oh, Evie. She's just over there.
Dad
Oh she's just in there is she?vYeah, that's mine there. Aww…Look at him, little tearaway. Oh dear. Yeah. Just like his dad.
Mum
Need those reins do you?
Dad
Yeah, well, he hasn't got the reins. I've got the reins. Every time I ask to go to the pub. Missus is like that. Absolutely not.
Mum
Well quite right.
Dad
Well, yeah. I mean, it's like a trouser leg each. Do you know what I mean? Like I do my bit you know? I've got sick on my jumper. You know? I've got him here. He's socialising with other kids like, just call me Freud.
Mum
I studied Freud in University.
Dad
Did you? Yeah, Yeah. Me, too.
Mum
Which Uni did you to go?
Dad
Erm, B…B…Br… .Bridgend. Yeah. BA Hons in Psychology and…stuff. Yeah he's going through the 'terrible twos' phase, you know?Oh he's young. Well he's eighteen months like, but he's basically two.
Mum
Well I mean there's quite a big difference isn't there between eighteen months and two?
Dad
Well it's only two months.
Mum
Well no, it's six months, isn't it?
Dad
Oh yeah, like he's basically two, isn't he? Do you know what I mean?
Mum
Yes.
Dad
He's just like me, mind. A little rascal. There was this one time when I was about two. Well I was eighteen months, or two, or maybe five, I don't know. My mum had this mobile hairdresser called Debbie.
Mum
I've got a mobile hairdresser called Debbie!
Dad
Really?
Mum
Yeah!
Dad
I mean. It probably wont be the same one, because this was years ago.
Mum
Oh, right.
Dad
But anyway, so she came round now, right and my mum was like, 'Gareth!'. Dad's upstairs, she was like,'Gareth, will you please look after Geraint for twenty minutes.
Mum
Watching football was he?
Dad
Yeah, he was like 'Yeah, don't worry about it.' He didn't have his eye on anyone apart from the TV screen. Anyway, right. She asked Debbie to turn the hairdryer off right? Obviously complete silence.
Mum
Oh it was too quiet was it?
Dad
Too quiet. Yeah. Yeah something wasn't right. And that's why my mum then starts panicking. Can't find me anywhere, right, go out in the street, nowhere to be found. What I'd done was right, this is how advanced I was at two and a half. Well, five. Or however old I was, right, I was young. I'd managed to unlock the back door and managed to hop, well, climb over six different fences. My mum's like 'Where is he Gareth, it was your responsibility!. Going absolutely mental. Anyway, turns out I was literally six doors down with Annette having beans on toast. But imagine twenty minutes now as a parent. Oh you'd be so worried. Heart in your mouth wouldn't you? Heart in your mouth. Well yeah got to keep an eye out. Yeah.
Mum
So where is he now?
Dad
He… He was there… Uhh… Jase?! Jason. Oh, he's there. He's there. Oh phew. Oh my heart! Oh god, I feel a bit sick.
Mum
Now you know how your mum feels.
Dad
Yeah. I was more scared of my missus to be honest.
It's an instinct a lot of parents have - when to worry because things are just a little bit 'too quiet'.
