Features

When BBC Radio Suffolk's Sally Goodwin said she needed volunteers who "couldn't sing" for a singing competition, I for one thought that the opportunity to take singing lessons was too good to miss after years of torturing others in various churches.

Andrew Woodger

My colleagues Steve Martin and Andrea Davidson also gamely agreed. In my opinion Andrea always had the best voice and I like to think I had a better one than Steve. We all knew it would be down to who could perform best on the day.

Blind terror

However, as the day got nearer and nearer (and we only had a month of weekly singing lessons) we all began to wonder what we'd let ourselves in for. We were being coached by Belinda Gillett of Felixstowe and she was always very encouraging and enthusiastic with little regard for her own reputation as a singing teacher given that there was a high chance we could fall flat on our faces.

Myself and Steve got kitted-out at Chuckles fancy dress shop in Felixstowe. Steve was originally going to sing 'Tainted Love' and had a leather jacket and cap, but then he changed his tune and ditched the clothes.

Belinda Gillett

Live for one day only

I would describe my version of Meat Loaf's 'You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth' as starting off well and then losing it a bit in places and generally nerve-wracking. 

Andrea sang 'Tainted Love' with gusto "It all passed in a blur. I must have blanked it out immediately, because I can't actually remember what it was like performing. Probably a good thing!"

Andrea Davidson

Steve was on last with 'Amarillo' which got the crowd sha-la-la-ing "I thought the other two were always the better singers, so I tried to choose a popular song and enjoy myself."

Judge dread

Simon Warr, Bob Shelley and Barry Dye were the judges on the day at the BBC Radio Suffolk stage. We knew Simon was going to slate us, Barry Dye would probably take pity and Bob would be encouraging.

Simon did as expected, Bob described me as 'flat as a tack' while Barry said I looked like Rod Stewart - the second time in a week that a complete stranger had said that to me, and no-one had ever said it before! They agreed Andrea was the best singer but that she didn't use the stage as well as me and Steve. Overall Simon Warr voted for me, Bob voted for Steve and Barry Dye voted for me. Cue smug feeling inside!

The panel: Dye, Shelley and Warr

Clap-o-meter

So, having thought I had it sewn-up, compere Nick Pandolfi did the full Hughie Green/Opportunity Knocks audience reaction thing. Everyone got some clapping at least, but Steve Martin was declared the clear winner. More proof that the British still love an underdog! Me and Andrea applauded graciously while cursing under our breaths to each other as Steve soaked up the glory.

I personally think we all did jolly well and it was certainly a buzz to be on stage. We appear to have survived the ordeal with our dignity more or less in tact and we are still talking to Steve. In fact myself and Steve spent several hours in the Trinity Bar in the afternoon and then went back to his house to cringe as we listened to a recording of ourselves. Judge for yourselves using the audio links on this page.

All good fun, but next year that Goodwin woman can pick on someone else!