By Tom Fordyce BBC Sport Online

Enjoy watching Wimbledon? Of course you do - when British players aren't involved.

While Venus Williams cruises through her matches without a care in the world, Tim Henman insists on teetering on the edge of defeat at least twice a set.

Gutsy Henman into last eight

Support Venus and you're guaranteed an easy ride where you can sit back and enjoy the quality of her tennis.

Watch Tim and by the end your nerves will be shot to pieces, your fingernails chewed to stumps and your stomach awash with bile and ulcers.

Henman's smelly solution

But, as Henman stumbles into the quarter-finals, BBC Sport Online is at hand to help you through...

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No sound, no pain

When watching a scary film as a child, turning the volume down and humming a chirpy song did wonders for your nerves.

'Jaws', a film so frightening an entire generation are still terrified of using lilos in light surf, could be rendered as threatening as a nature documentary by careful use of the volume button on your remote control.

"Eh? What did he do that for?"

The same approach works wonders when Tim goes to work on your health.

At two sets to one and a break down to Michel Kratochvil, fans watching on television were eating themselves alive with anxiety.

All that could have been avoided if they had simply hit the 'mute' button and started belting out Supermen Lovers' 'Starlight' as loudly as possible.

Learn from the commentators

Let's make no bones about it - Henman's struggles with Wayne Ferreira on Saturday left many of us with sweatier armpits than Jose Camacho.

It was no way to spend a Saturday afternoon - but taking a leaf from Barry Davies' book would have saved us from perspiration hell.

By adopting a strict policy of neutrality like BD, we would go from being in a position where every Henman error was like a knife through the heart to being able to enjoy each point on its merits.

Instead of tearing your hair out with frustration as Tim netted a simple volley to let Ferreira off the hook, you would have been able to raise an admiring eyebrow and politely applaud the South African's gutsy running.

Who cares who takes the set? As far as you're concerned, tennis is the only winner.

Go corporate

Follow the example of hundreds of corporate fat-cats and Wimbledon hell need never trouble you again.

Abandon your seat in front of the television and stand instead in an adjoining room with other men in blazers, drinking free champagne, ignoring the tennis and shouting at the top of your voice about some enormously dull City takeover.

At the end of the day's play, stagger back past the TV, wiping strawberry juice off your chops with your old school tie and ask random people what the score was while drunkenly dabbing at a mysterious stain on your chinos.

Use the force

When fury grips you like a vice as Henman loses his serve to take the match into a fifth set, let it go.

Tim feels the pressure against Michel Kratochvil

Don't lose it. Use it.

You've wanted to knock the living-room into the kitchen for some time. Now's your chance.

Pick up a sledgehammer and, every time Tim misses a winner, let out a maniacal scream and smash away at the brickwork.

Win or lose, by the end of the day you've got the open-plan house you always dreamed of.

Cushion the blow

Okay, none of the previous suggestions have worked. You cannot tear yourself away from Tim's struggles and, try as you might, you still care about the result.

Fine. You can still ease the pain of possible defeat, and not just by drinking heavily from the word go.

Simply pop down to the bookies and whack a tenner on Tim's opponent. Then, if the Brit loses, at least you trouser a tidy wad of cash at the end of the day.

Sure, Henman's out. But you've got a bulging wallet and the alluring charms of south London laid out before you.

Suddenly, life doesn't seem so bad, does it?