1435: That's us done - 'We Are The Champions'-style double thumbs up for all the emails, texts and Tweets, as always. Anyone fancy a game of French cricket in the park this afternoon?

1432: Hug between the two batsmen, warm applause from the sparse crowd. Easy enough in the end, and England will go to The Oval on 18 August with a whitewash in their sights.

1430: Eng 118-1 WIN BY NINE WICKETS
Strauss misses a straight one, but so does Haider - it'll be a bye, and that's the victory in the bag. Solid. Very solid.

From Tim H in London, TMS inbox: "At what stage does it become impossible to jinx an England win? Is there a Duckworth/Lewis style formula for predicting the likelihood of the commentator's curse striking? Can one of the sharper readers research this for me so that I know whether to be worried the next time someone asserts that "this one is in the bag?""

1428: Eng 117-1
Juicy-loosey from Malik, tossed up perfectly for Trott to cream through the covers for the four that takes him to his own half-century. One needed for the win...

From Tom Preece, TMS inbox: "Slow down England! As much as I'll value the victory, my unemployment means once it's over I can no longer fool myself that by forlornly emailing TMS (with limited success) I'm giving my life purpose."

1423: Eng 112-1
Fear not the rain - it's nothing but a light mist. Strauss to his 21st Test half-century with a clip off the pads for two - more ropey fielding - and England are within six runs of a 2-0 series lead.

1419: Eng 108-1
Rain in the air - repeat, rain in the air. Not much, to be fair, but a brolly or two is up. Trott nearly plays on but gets his back leg in the way of a frightening inside edge. Clunky drive to mid-on, and that goes straight through a feeble effort from Umar Akmal. 10 needed for the win.

From Paul Cook, Scotlandshire, TMS inbox: "Please don't use this comment, I'm supposed to be working and it's really quite incriminating."

1414: Eng 101-1
Strauss drives for two against the spin. Sweep to follow, and he's lucky that turns past the top of off. Two slips and silly point in - Strauss goes for a bash down the ground, and he's surely a goner here - high in the air, Asif underneath it... dear oh dear, he somehow fails to even lay a finger on it. Anyone seen Nacho Libre? Asif's got more than a touch of Black's sidekick about him, and that hapless stagger was entirely in character.

From Dave in London, TMS inbox: "I realise that 'Not all comments can be used', but I really think this one is as valid as any I've seen today."

1408: Eng 93-1
Shoaib Malik on for some double-twirl, and he's dinked away for a casual single. In the stands, a man wearing a beige jacket of the sort favoured by Alan Bennett and flashy sunglasses as sported by Robin Smith carefully unpeels a large banana, breaks it into chunks and squashes it into his cavernous maw.

1405: Eng 92-1
Strauss will have a joust at Ajmal here - sashay down the track, hoick towards long on - Asif is running backwards, but he's lost that in the gusting swirls. in the building site behind him, a large digger roars into life. Don't worry about us - you crack on with it.

From Alex, Bath, TMS inbox: "This won't be posted, mainly because there seems to be an aversion to ever posting anything I've ever sent in, which only fuels the fear that I'm just inherently boring. and adds a nice touch of irony to this whole comment."

1402: Eng 89-1
Trott finding his groove now, repeating the sumptuous drive of the previous Amir over but this time sending it a little straighter. Same result. Tipper off the hipper for another, and the target comes within 29 runs. Clouds parked but with doors shut. For now.

From Stephen, TMS inbox: "Fordyce, stop turning this text commentary into a live friends reunited session with Allan. Incidentally, I sang with Allan in previous years, so do send him my regards."

1359: Eng 84-1
Ajmal twirls, Strauss defends. Maiden. Clouds gather overhead. Surely not...

From Chris Hughes, TMS inbox: "You will print this. Nothing to say about the Cricket, just wanted to dispel the myth that you need to start the text with 'You won't print this'. You won't print this, will you?"

1355: Eng 84-1
Mmm, solid shot from Trott - big step forward, crunching into Amir's fuller one and pinging it past the despairing dive of point for the first four of the afternoon session. 34 to win, the wind getting up but the weather just about holding...

1351: Eng 78-1
Ajmal to the Skip, and there was a definite edge on that one - outsider, flicking Haider's webbing as the in-fielders scream. Never easy, those, but maybe he should have clung on - unlucky too that the ball failed to fly on to slip. Ajmal grimaces and tugs at his lower lip. Mike (below) - everything she says is lies, unless it's complimentary, in which case it is of course all entirely accurate.

From Mike in Broxbourne, TMS inbox: "This wont get printed, but I just drove through Harrogate and saw someone walking around in a 'fact not chat' sandwich board. Also Tom, I work with someone who claims to know you, who is regularly abusive about the fact that you have a job watching cricket. When she returns from lunch i will ask her whether you have prior history with regards to Ubogu's thighs."

1346: Eng 76-1
Hello again - all good? Sun has gone, but the players are out - Amir to get us underway again, a short extra cover in for Trott... ooh, tempting slower one, and the batsman takes his hand off the bat to keep the ball from looping up to the waiting man. Singles here and there, and a little surprise for Strauss as a throw from Butt whizzes in to his pads. Mo malice intended, just stuck in the claw a touch. Worrying news reaches me from teamCBA via Twitter: "15miles west of Edgbaston... just started to spot with rain."

From dyrewolfe on 606: "Ah, I see this has turned out to be the formality I hardly dared to dream of last night. I was pretty sure England would find some way to have us chewing our nails, but... can you believe it... they're actually doing a thoroughly professional job. Apart from poor old Cookie, that is! Wonder if his place is under threat yet?"

From Chris in London, TMS inbox: "Ode to Mike in Harrogate. 'The game of cricket is a serious matter/ No time for silliness, or idle patter/ A detailed ball-by-ball commentary/ Is far more important than some daft repartee.
So please, I beg, speak of nothing but the scoring/ Because I much prefer the world/ When we're all being boring.'"

1259: LUNCH Eng 71-1
Cheeky surprise before lunch - quick over of tweak from Shoaib Malik. Very full, and Strauss has to jam the toe of his bat down to keep timbers intact. That's lunch - England's morning after the horror of that early Cookie loss, and we'll reconvene with just 47 more runs needed for victory.

From Alex in Oxford, TMS inbox: "This won't be posted. Why is BBC website's Live Text Commentary so often full of conservative, humourless whiners with a shaky grasp if the English language? As I sit in my jacuzzi drinking beer, I often wish more space was afforded to the excellent and often detailed cricket commentary."

1255: Eng 69-1
Decent ding-dong between Strauss and Ajmal. Skips goes down on one knee for a premeditated slog-sweep for two, but is then fooled by the flight of a cunning drifter - edged towards slip, but the soft hands drop the ball just short of the pouch. Touch too much length on the next one, and Strauss will get that front elbow high to drivre with a meaty thunk through cover for four more. Strauss to 36, England well over halfway there.

From Hugh Jermoe, TMS inbox: "Re. Mike in Harrogate. This nonsense is hardly smug, we're just much better at it than everyone else."

1251: Eng 63-1
Asif, all loose arms and airy action - mmm, lovely from Trott, turning it off middle-and-off with Swiss timing to the midwicket fence. Woof - super response from the seamer, bringing one back in and trapping him on the crease. Huge appeal, and Trott does that guilty rapid shift of pad to outside leg while looking in panicky fashion at the umpire... ooh, missing down leg. 50 partnership, lunch drifting into view.

From Pablo, TMS inbox: "You won't print this, but I've noticed over the last couple of days that when somebody writes You won't print this, it gets printed. I just wondered if this is the new craze to get things printed?"

1246: Eng 57-1
Ajmal tip-toes in - nice flight on that, and Trott is caught in two minds - the ball thunks into his back pad as he shuffles nervously, and there's a huge appeal - just turning past the leg peg, I'd wager. Looks like the dooseroo to follow, but Spot has trotted it - I beg your pardon, Trott has spotted it - and runs it away off the face to two.

From Oliver, Birmingham, TMS inbox: "Mike in Harrogate. Speaking as a licence payer with the best part of 40 years cricket watching and playing behind me, I couldn't agree less with your pompous observations. There are many other places on the internet you can go for 'drier' coverage. If you want commentary such as: 14.3 Mohammad Amir to Trott, no run. Personally, I'd rather take one from Shaun Tait in the crackers..."

1241: Eng 54-1
Haider decides to stand up to Asif. Judging from the bowler's reaction, he feels rather insulted by that - bouncer, somehow snagged with one hand by the leaping stumper. Yup, he's decided to go back again. Coincidence, surely. Strauss waits - ooof, foxed with a slider across his chest. He takes guard a further stride out. It makes an instant difference - he's now done by the same ball a further stride down the pitch. Cunning.

From Neil Church, TMS inbox: "All credit to Mike from Harrogate for helping create that authentic 'live' atmosphere - by imitating that miserable sod whom you wish wasn't sitting near to you."

1236: Eng 53-1
Sir Geoff of Boycott piling into Cook on TMS. "Ee's gone, for me," he rumbles. "Bradman were dropped, Hutton was dropped. I would a' liked his runs." Strauss sweeps for two, and if it didn't guarantee his instant dismissal I'd say he was looking we... nope, that's more than enough already.

From Dominic in Milton Keynes, TMS inbox: "RE: Mike in Harrogate. You are right Mike, as a license payer you are entitled to a completely tailored service which meets your specific situation and requirements. It doesn't matter how many people love the BBC Cricket text commentary (and the sport commentary in general) you should get the exact service that only you require. Puerile and childish? What do you mean anyway? Stop talking rubbish you smelly silly-head."

1229: Eng 47-1
That's nice from Strauss, going forward to drive Ajmal through point for two, exchanging singles with the anchoring Trott and then rocking back to drive off the back foot for four more between cover and extra cover. 71 more needed for the 2-0 series lead; half an hour to luncheon.

From Daniel Ward, TMS inbox: "I think Mike from Harrogate needs to neck a beer to chill him out."

1222: Eng 39-1
Amir maybe ready for a blow here - Trott finally looks to be settling, cutting with muscular forearms for four backward of point. A chap in the crowd clutching three plastic pint pots pauses halfway down the stand steps to watch and is forced to apologise to the craning punters behind.

From Peter Meachem, TMS inbox: "Mike in Harrogate: it should be puerile, ain't has an apostrophe and license payer is two words."

From Kevin in Bristol, TMS inbox: "Re: Arthur Moose comment about his wife coveting Victor Ubogu's thighs. I'm with you mate - if my wife had thighs like Mr Ubogu I'd be looking to end my marriage too."

1222: Eng 35-1
Starting to misbehave now, this track - that one shoots along the deck and is well taken by Haider as Strauss lunges desperately, but that's not so tidy from the stumper - spinning down leg, possibly the doosra, skimming past Strauss's rumpo and away for four byes.

From Ben in Oxford, TMS inbox: "Why don't the England batsmen shave off two millimetres from either side of their bats thus significantly reducing the number of edges to slips and wicketkeeper?"

1215: Eng 29-1
Strauss blinks under the brim of his blue lid, golden ring hanging from the chain around his neck, substantial chest-thatch peeping through the vee of his open-necked shirt. Nasty spitter from Amir, jumping up from just shy of a length - prodded down by the leaping skipper. Single tickled off the pads, before a slingy bouncer whistles past Trott's retreating snout.

From Mike in Harrogate, TMS inbox: "This won't be posted . Why is BBC website's Live Text Commentary so often infantile, purile, smug nonsense, with no understanding of cricket beyond that of a couple of drunken yobs sitting in a jacuzzi at their first 20-20 game? As a license-payer, who spends time abroad working, and the audio is too expensive to stream, this is my only option to tap into 'live commentary' to get a feel of the game, but it aint possible within this laddish playground. Maybe the subject should be 'For Mark Thompson' then perhaps it'll go the same way as other parts of the website and the Asian Network - le's hope."

1211: Eng 26-1
Slip, leg slip and silly point in for Strauss as Ajmal skips in, pausing a fraction in his delivery stride - singles run away off the face, and a roared appeal as Trott gets trapped on the back foot - missing down leg, I'd wager. Drinks.

From Max, Islington, TMS inbox: "Could the Ubogu World Championships in the Congo and be sponsored by UmBongo? A suitably exotic location for Rob and his Ministry of Cake."

1207: Eng 24-1
Amir, long locks smeared across his forehead like a man auditioning for a Klaxons cover band - oh, he's done Trott like a spicy kipper there, angling one across him from over the wicket and drawing the anxious waft. Anyone in the Midlands meteorological business know when this rain is meant to arrive?

From Arthur Moose, TMS inbox: "Could you please stop talking about Victor Ubogu. His thighs were a major factor in the failure of my marriage. My ex-wife used to covet them."

1204: Eng 23-1
Cunning old in-out field set by Skipper Butt here, cutting off the runs but keeping the catchers in place. Strauss tries to sweep Ajmal and picks up one, the Edgbaston air full of banter and chat from the exuberant Pakistani fielders.

From Allan Clayton, TMS inbox: "Fordo: I do know Rob - we're pretty much interchangeable as human beings according to most casting directors/mates. Great pair of lungs on the lad, and a fine belly too."

1159: Eng 21-1
This situation is turning Trott's twitching and flinching up to 11. Ants in his pants. Amir, left arm slingy - Strauss beaten all ends up in the corridor of fear. Single squeezed away, and Trott then picks up a fortunate brace off inside edge and thigh guard. Sun still out, no sign of the clouds forecast so far.

From Mike in Cheshire, TMS inbox: "I wonder what you think of rumours that Ubogu is being supplanted by the short form of the game - T20 Ubo where specialists just have to enunciate Ubo as many times as they can in 20 seconds wearing coloured pyjamas. Huge in India apparently but may go the way of the Gillette form of the game - I still bear the scars of Ubogoing for 50 seconds while shaving."

1155: Eng 18-1
We'll have a change of bowling here - first innings destroyer Ajmal for his first twirl of the innings. Strauss waiting - hold on, was that an edge? I think it was, from the reaction of batsman and close fielders - he had a little fence at one outside off, and it went straight in and out of Stumper Haider's gloves. If Pakistan could catch...

From Mark, Reigate, TMS inbox: "Can you get a message to the England dressing room. If at all possible I need this run chase dragged out until about five o'clock this evening as i have absolutely no intention of doing any work. Ta."

1150: Eng 17-1
Trott scratching like a nervous chicken, and Amir has him thrusting at nothing but thin air. As a baby in the crowd flings a '4' card dismissively to the ground, Trott examines his outside edge. Leave it alone, Sir Trottsalot. Paul (below) - the winner actually receives the Victor Ludorum.

From Paul Beasley in Leicester, TMS inbox: "Would the winner of the Ubogu World Champs be declared the Victor Ubogu, and therefore by default gain several England Rugby Caps?"

1144: Eng 17-1
Asif's hardly charging in, sending them down at just 78/79mph, but he's causing all sorts of issues - cheeky tempter laced across Skipper's bows, and it draws the nervy prod. That's better - big step in, head over the ball, solid drive back down the track for the first authentic boundary of the innings.

From Jason, London, TMS inbox: "Just had a tenner at 60-1 on Pakistan to win. I feel dirty. Although £600 affords a lot of baths. Come on erm England!"

1139: Eng 12-1
Full and onto Strauss's toes, and he'll flick that away for a single. Trott goes up on his toes to tip one off his hip for one more. Allan (below) - do you know a chap by the name of Rob Murray? Opera singer like yourself. Reached the quarter-finals of the World Ubogus. Impressive set of lungs.

From Allan Clayton, TMS inbox: "In my capacity as an opera singer, I reckon this Ubogu stuff should come naturally to my expansive lungs and healthy waistline. Plus, as I spend most days chuntering in a room to myself anyway, I have unwittingly been practising for eight years. England to go five down before Collywobbles digs them out again."

1134: Eng 10-1
Trott the new man, and he's almost the old one first ball - edged just short of second slip. Nervy times, these. Singles stolen to relieve a little pressure - oh my Lord, how did that miss? Trott way back in his crease, and as the ball shoots through he survives a castling by the squeakiest of margins. And again!

From Rob Bancroft, Ministry of Cake, TMS inbox: "Tom - I'm up for the Ubogu World Champs - as long as it's in a suitably exotic location. Bearing in mind I'm currently in Taunton, I'd take anything north of Bristol."

1130: Eng 7-1
That has done him all ends up - angled in, feet planted, stumps taking a terrible pasting. Cook trudges off, his technique taken apart again, and this match is very, very alive.

1129: WICKET Cook b Amir 4, Eng 7-1
Aaagh...

1124: Eng 6-0
Quick point of order - you couldn't manually refresh for me, could you? Technical stuff way over my head. Cook now, under pressure after his sketchy run of form - gagh, edged off a tempting angler from Asif, and the ball shoots past second slip for a streaky four. Re the World Saunas, Dirs is both sombre and cocky this morning - sombre that the Saunas had to end as they did, cocky that his dismal performance in the heats now looks rather more impressive.

From DCR Private, London, TMS inbox: "Cordelia, you need to take the Fordyce & Dirs book with you next time you go abroad. I did recently, thereby ruining what should have been a wonderful holiday. Tom - in the light of today's very sad news from the World Sauna Championships, I presume you will be acknowledging Dirs's courage/stupidity in entering the most insane of your 12 chosen sports."

1119: Eng 2-0
Two slips and a gully in for Strauss, Amir cantering in, fringe flopping - short, pulled away off the bottom edge for two. Ooof - that one stays low and angles in to boot, and Strauss, having decided not to play a shot, gulps with relief as the cherry whistles past his unprotected timber.

1114: Rapid turnaround - the Pakistan fielders out already, Skipper Strauss and El Cooke striding to the crease. They're not playing games. Except for the obvious one.

From Christopher Gardener, TMS inbox: "Yesterday ended in disgrace at Edgbaston police station picking up my friend for his afternoon jog across the pitch. Back in the safety of the office today. Never been so pleased to be at work."

1108: Well, at least it solves the conundrum mentioned at 1040. Quick survey - how many wickets will England lose chasing this? Cordelia (below) - how many times you can say the world 'Ubogu' on a single breath, with each Ubogu discrete. World championship versions see top eight qualifiers go mano-o-mano, with alternate Ubogus and last man to Ubogu the winner. Which reminds me - time that me and Dirs organised another World Ubogus. Any takers?

From Cordelia, TMS inbox: "A Google search leaves me none the wiser as to what Uboguing is. Can you explain?"

1106: WICKET Asif c Pietersen b Broad 14, Pak 296 all out
Broad will have a crack regardless, face half-hidden in shadow - short, fended towards gully... bagged!

From Rob, Birmingham, TMS inbox: "I backed the draw yesterday at 100/1, after a few afternoon bevvies. Come on the rain!"

1102: Pak 296-9 (lead of 117)
Swann for the first over, Asif waiting with his brand-free blade. Full bunger slapped away through midwicket for one, leaving the hamstrung Umar Gul on strike - slip, leg slip, forward short leg, silly mid-off, and he takes them all out of the equation with a lusty sweep for two. Broad the man in the deep, wearing the chastened expression of a man fined half his match-fee overnight.

1050: Decent weather up above - blue skies, just a little white wisp. Rain forecast for this afternoon, I'm told. Gulp. Here come the fielders, to the overblown strains of Jerusalem.

1040: So what do we fancy this morning - get this last wicket out of the way sharpish and smash off the runs before luncheon, or see the last pair stick on a rapid-fire 40 before the seamers gets to work and England win an absolute thriller by two wickets some time around 5pm?

1030: Before we start, an announcement: I've decided to retire from international football. I know, I know - but I just feel it's time to let the younger generation come through. I will, however, still be available for cricket, crown-green bowls and Uboguing.