Episode 5

Naoki reveals how, as a child, he used to dream of a version of himself without autism.

In his imagination, if he could be as others were, all would be well in his world. Now, though he still yearns to pass as an 'ordinary' person, to walk through the world without being noticed and watched all the time, he has come to see that dream as a childhood illusion, and his autism as part of his true self.

While as a child he often wanted to vanish, now, as a young adult, Naoki feels happiest at the centre of his family. Even if he can't express his pleasure externally, these are his moments of greatest joy and belonging.

Written by Naoki Higashida.

Translated by David Mitchell and KA Yoshida.

Read by Matthew Beard, and introduced by David Mitchell.

Abridged by Robin Brooks.

Producer: Allegra McIlroy

First broadcast on BBC Radio 4 in July 2017.