Kim & The Bump

The life of a first-time mum from bump to baby and beyond...

Pizza Passionista

6 months and 1 day old

What a special evening... you’ll never guess who else was there celebrating a half year birthday... Vicky and Big Bouncing Ben... she was there with Geraldine... we decided to get a table together... not the intimate, little, family gathering that Neil had in mind... but... it was good fun. Geraldine had made a cake... with six half candles... and the restaurant gave us balloons for the birthday babies... I looked at Neil... and thought... this is happiness... for a moment I thought my libido had returned... but... alas... no such luck... for Neil that is!... Me?... Give me chocolate instead!!!

Back to Work

6 months and 1 day old

Almost forgot... Vicky’s gone back to work... Geraldine’s delighted... but... it must be hard... it IS hard. Dianne is looking after Ben for some of the time... and her Mum is helping out... needs must... but... when she was describing leaving Ben every morning... she was almost crying... so glad I don’t have to go back to work just yet...

Cappuccino and Cake

6 months and 5 days old

Mums on the Run again today... just Roanna and I... Jasmin has stopped coming... hasn’t come back since the first time we went when she didn’t feel well... says she doesn’t fancy it... each to their own... We love it. Tracy the leader still has to run with us... because... if she doesn’t, we talk so much that we get left behind and suddenly we find ourselves losing the others... you’d think it would be pretty difficult to lose 27 jogging Mums in pink lycra... but... believe you and me... it isn’t. Looks hilarious... you pass all these people standing, gawping and sniggering behind their hands at you... who cares... we’re having fun. Best part is still the cake and cappuccino at the end... I’m up to burning 156 calories now and eating 575 calories of cake and coffee... Not a bad ratio!!

Reality Check

6 months and 10 days old

Spent the last few days helping out my friend Diane... Knackered!... Sorry have to continue tomorrow... YAWN... YAWN... Good night!

Reality Check (continued)

6 months and 11 days old

Still knackered... where was I?... been helping Diane... her Rick is still in prison and they just move him from one prison to another without any consideration of how inconvenient it is for his family... or... without hardly any notice... can you believe it... one day he’s in a prison within half an hour’s drive and the next they’ve moved him to a prison in Manchester!.. say it won’t be for very long... just a temporary move... but come on, he’s got a wife and four kids!! Diane asked if I could go over and help with her kids while she went over to see him... just do the day stuff like... (gulp)... pick the older ones up from school, look after the twins... she managed to get rid of... (not literally)... the other ones that she looks after!!!! But that makes FOUR children!!!???... Could hardly say no... It’s not as though I have a million and one other things to do...

I am knackered... can’t move... feel as though I’ve done a whole week’s work... how does she do it? She is AMAZING... a real life SUPERWOMAN! Those older kids ran rings round me... the babies were sort of ok... at least they’re kind of similar to Emily and they JUST need to be fed, watered, changed and put down to sleep... it’s the coordination that’s the hard bit... BUT the big ones... I only had to look after them a few hours before Diane’s Mum Jean came... but... I let them do whatever they wanted... just to give me a break... sweets, PlayStation, crisps, PlayStation, pop, PlayStation... how does she do it?

At least Diane got to see Rick... she said he was ok but he misses the kids and he hates it in there... glad she saw him... hopefully he’ll be back in Leeds soon... God... it must be so hard for her... we have no idea.

Thought for the Day

6 months and 12 days old

Should you be sent to prison if you’re a parent?... Actually... I will change it to... should you be sent to prison if you’re a mother with young kids... I guess there are lots of Dads in prison... maybe you could have a lighter sentence if you’re a father. I guess they could have parenting classes in prison about how to be a good Dad... captive audience... if you’ll pardon the pun... simple... if you can’t do the time don’t do the crime.... and so endeth the lecture by the Rt Hon MP for South WhatHoHingHam!

From Prison With Love!

6 months and 16 days old

Wow! This is amazing! Actually... it’s absolutely freaking me out! I have loads of... (well some)... readers in prison and some of you have taken the time to get in touch and tell me your stories... well... I guess that time is not a problem you generally have... but then like so many things that I’ve written about with this blog... I could be very wrong. That’s what I love about writing this blog... is that I learn new things all the time.

You’ve got such fascinating stories... and... so many of you have young children... who... you miss desperately. God... it must be heartbreaking. It seems to be that crime is not a thing that you suddenly wake up one morning and decide to do... but... it’s gradual... something that’s been slowly creeping up on you since you were kids and getting more and more serious... and... getting you more and more involved with the police... a lot of you have had such tough upbringings... it’s like some of the kids at school... you can see it happening before your eyes and you feel helpless to be able to do anything about it... OMG... feel as though I’m back at work... this blog is giving me so many ideas of other things I can do with my life... social anthropology... prison outreach... yummy mummy keep fit manuals... maybe not!!

I guess that sometimes prison gives you a chance to have a breather from it all... and have a think... bit like having a baby...

Thank you Blog and thank you to all my readers... does that sound cheesy?

Friends

6 months and 19 days old

Roanna, Jasmin and I took Diane out for lunch today. They’ve been reading the blog... Jasmin arranged it and asked Diane. Roanna and I met as usual for our run and then Diane and Jasmin met us at the cafe later with Dianne’s brood and Jasmin’s princess. Diane found us hilarious jogging with prams... she says she always wonders what sort of Mums do that sort of thing... and... HOW DO THEY find the time... now she knows!!!

Diane had us in stitches... telling us about this prison warden who couldn’t understand her Yorkshire accent... sounds hilarious... and... then it happened again... I looked at Roanna and she looked at Jasmin and the leaking is still there... makes you laugh even more... so much for our pelvic floors and running... Diane asked us what we were laughing about... so we told her... and... do you know... she doesn’t have a problem... she put it down to... housework!!!!... Forget that!!!!

Roanna is finding the house that she is renting with Simon... small and damp... think it’s a bit different to what she’s used to... compared to either her old marital palace or her in-laws’ castle... at least she doesn’t have her in-laws with her... that’s the main reason she’s staying there.

I was filling them in about Vicky finding it hard returning to work. Strange her being at work, while, Big, bouncing Ben is there staring at you surrounded by his friends in various stages of playfulness or sleep.
Very different women... very different situations... all new mothers... all good friends...

Funny... Jasmin was very quiet... not like her... not much news there...

Smitten Kitten

6 months and 22 days old

I know I am biased, but Emily is just so beautiful... I can’t help staring at her... and... thinking... how clever am I... I made her... well... Neil helped as well... but... it’s incredible... I’ve never done anything very clever in my life... and... then... look at this...

Reaching Out

6 months and 25 days old

Emily is so desperate to crawl... she’s really reaching for things and keeps putting her hands out... and... then trying to get into a crawling position and then collapses in a heap... it’s really quite funny to watch... ends up looking like a beached whale... not sure that I want her to crawl yet... but... it’s one of those steps in life that I’m going to have to let her do... like hurting herself for the first time... going to school... meeting someone who’s horrible to her... having her first kiss... ok... I’m getting carried away... she’s about to crawl for God’s sake... it’s no big deal... I’m being ridiculous... really???

Candid Camera

6 months and 27 days old

Neil is determined to get her first attempt at crawling on film... talk about me slowing it down... he’s doing his best to speed it up... every night when he gets in from work... he gets the camera... and... gets poor little Emily into the crawling position and then tells her to ‘go’... and... then she collapses and then he starts again... she’s certainly not dancing to his tune... good girl... she’s learning that lesson early in life... do things in your own time...

Hospital

7 months old

Went to St Catherine’s today with Rosie... ok... I might as well tell you all... because... I want to write about it so much... and... I’ve been avoiding the subject... plus... Rosie has given me her blessing... yes... the worst kept secret... she is 6 months pregnant... can’t believe that it’s taken me so long to mention it, but I guess it’s none of my business writing about it... but... now Rosie is cool and has got used to the idea... more than that... she and Jude can’t wait. She asked me to go to the hospital with her because they wanted to see her for a scan... she’s fine... just routine... and Jude had an exam today... crazy... isn’t it... When I was pregnant with Emily, it was one of my nightmares... that... I’d be sitting in the clinic and then one of my pupils from school came in and said, “Hi Miss Hall”, and we’d both be sitting there, me having my first when I’m old enough to be a grandma in their eyes.

Here I am now... sitting with Rosie... and... they always have to ask me, “Are you Grandma?” and both Rosie and I... for very different reasons... shout... “No, just a friend” at the same time. Thank God, it was Geraldine who dealt with us today... so... didn’t have to explain anything. It was funny sitting there with Rosie, being back there again... I’m definitely not ready to go through that again... she’s doing brilliantly though... confident... self-assured... a brilliant Mum... with so much to deal with:... living with her Mother-in-law; boyfriend in the middle of exams; Dad seriously ill in hospital; Mum passed away; all her friends are still at school with very little in common any more... and taking everything in her stride... one amazing woman!

I promised Rosie that we’d go for a coffee afterwards and I’d buy her cake... carrot; chocolate; coffee; cream... all of them... and... do you know what... I’m sure I saw Jasmin walking into the clinic as we were walking out... I could have been mistaken but I’m sure it was her... she was with Dev too... she didn’t see me... looked in my direction... and... I smiled but she looked straight through me... can’t have been her then... sure it was though...

... Hope she’s ok...

No Worries!

7 months and 1 day old

I shouldn’t have worried... Jasmin’s been in touch... after reading the blog... silly me... she’s absolutely fine... she was just visiting someone... ... it’s good to know that there’s people out there who care about you... another word for nosy cow!!

On the Move

7 months and 3 days old

Hey!! Emily crawled for the first time today... just when we weren’t looking... Neil and I thought she was sitting on her playmat batting her toy... we were unloading the dishwasher... the most mundane of tasks when we look up and there she is... and... she has crawled towards us... all by herself. Neil is so funny... he runs for his camera and picks her up and places her back on her playmat and waits... poised... for her to crawl again... shouting words of encouragement... and... Do you think it happens? No! She’s definitely not one for playing to the gallery... it might happen again... but when Emily is ready... knocked that one on the head...

Me?

7 months and 8 days old

God, it’s hard some times... it’s not Emily... that’s the easy bit... it’s dealing with yourself that’s hard... having a baby changes everything about you fundamentally... and all that you once you thought you wanted changes... what am I going to do with the rest of my life?... have another baby?... go back to work?... stay with Neil for the rest of my life?

PS Emily is crawling everywhere... she loves being on the move... suddenly... nowhere is out of bounds...

Never judge the book

7 months and 15 days old

Sorry!... I’m getting you all worried again... I’m fine... promise... there’s just been a lot to think about... that’s all.

I went to baby clinic last week and can you remember the woman who annoyed the hell out of me? The mother of Jaspar/Caspar/ Freaky Baby who put on a pound every week? Well, she has a name... lets call her Jenny (names changed to protect the innocent and those who might want to keep their private life private)... and... we got talking... well talking wouldn’t be what it was a lot of the time... because... there were a lot of tears... waterfalls of tears... there’s me thinking that she’s living the perfect life and she’s got it all sorted... has the answer for everything... literally... and she’s depressed... more than a little depressed... she’s had big periods in hospital since having Jaspar/Caspar with severe post natal depression. God... It sounds awful... we’re not talking a bit of the baby blues here but depression when you can hardly speak, and can’t see anyone and don’t even want to know your own baby. I didn’t realise, but the man who sometimes comes to baby clinic is her husband... he brings the baby when she’s in hospital... there’s me being delighted when she wasn’t there... that’s so bad... I am a terrible person... a real cow. She’s a partner in a Law firm... no history of depression...

How can I have been such a cow? We’re so lucky... my little group... none of us has had post natal depression... apparently it’s about 30% of women who suffer from it... so statistically we’re fortunate to have escaped.

Down but not Out

7 months and 18 days old

Loads of you have had depression... maybe writing this blog has helped me because it has allowed me to share with different women and express myself... women need to communicate... but some of you have plummeted to the darkest depths and yet others have discovered new heights of joy and contentment that you thought impossible to reach... that roller coaster again of childbirth again... apparently the older you are and the more successful you are... the more likely you are to suffer from it. These young mums seem to take having children in their stride... don’t give it a moment’s thought... but... these geriatric Mums in their 30’s and 40’s (like me) over analyse and think about everything too deeply... some people think that’s the reason for them having more complications at birth... demanding to see the manager if their birth isn’t going to plan... too used to analysing and thinking in their jobs and trying to treat childbirth like a project when in fact it’s just a natural process... like going to the loo... enough said...

Stars in their Eyes

7 months and 23 days old

We’ve all joined a baby singing group... Diane asked us whether we fancied doing it... a childminder friend of her’s has started it so we’re all lending her support... all of us except Vicky... but Ben is... even Rosie’s doing this one... for now... and Jasmin and the Princess Amber... Oh... and I asked Jenny if she wanted to come and she jumped at the idea... hope she doesn’t find us all a bit much.

Hilarious! The only person doing any singing is this woman... Janet... and we try to join in... if we’re not busy retrieving our babies from the stage... or the toilets... or halfway out the door...

The Wheels on the bus go round and round... there goes Sonny... about to fall off the stage... round and round... Zack has just pushed Emily over... round and round... the wheels on the bus go round and round... not altogether now... oh dear... Dinah has just pulled Amber’s hair... all day long... The Mummies on the Bus go Oh My God, Oh My God, Oh My God... The Mummies on the Bus go... what the hell is he doing now?... all day long!!!

We should film it... put it on YouTube... we’d be millionaires... there is this one gorgeous guy... all of us spotted him... well... he does stand out, as he’s the only man... Richard... he’s got the only child who is doing what he is supposed to be (except Hope of course)... she just sits on his knee looking totally gorgeous and making him look even more attractive... there is something about a lone man being in the company of women... which... makes him very attractive... do you know... the woman who was flirting the most with him was Diane... I guess she was sitting there with Hope... while we chased after Zack... glad he took her mind off Rick... wonder what his wife is like... saw that he was wearing a wedding ring...

As we were into our third verse of the Wheels on the Bus, Roanna and I caught each other’s eye as we were about to set off after our babies yet again... forget the jogging... and... we started laughing... couldn’t stop... Diane joined in and then Jasmin... all laughing hysterically... so funny... what the hell are we doing at a music group for seven month old babies in a church hall on a Wednesday morning??... when... our babies do not know how to walk or talk, never mind dancing and singing... they’re seven months old for Christ’s sake... and then... it happened... I could feel the leaking... God... the pelvic floor... feels like the beginning of the end... or just the beginning...

On the Go

8 months old!

I CANNOT believe that Emily is 8 months already - I know it’s a cliche but it just flies by - one minute she’s a babe in arms... and... the next... she’s there climbing up stairs... falling down stairs (only kidding) and I’m run ragged chasing her... can’t relax for a minute... she’s pulling on some wire... pulling out a plug socket... pulling down a table cloth... pouring bleach down the toilet... drinking mugs of coffee... smokin’ a fag... no exaggerating here... but this mothering is different now. Everything is out of the way now... either packed away or high up and out of reach... thank God we don’t have stairs.

Romance isn’t Dead

8 months and 3 days old

Flashback: The night Emily was born

Neil and I are having a date night... tonight - going out for dinner and then to the cinema. He’s booked a table at this restaurant that he’s had his eye on for a while.... got a babysitter booked... well... don’t think you can call Jude a babysitter - he’s her brother... half brother to be precise... Sounds stupid... but... I’m terrified... never left her before... Neil has been so excited all day... singing to himself... the way he does when he’s in a good mood and looking forward to something... and... then there’s me... I keep looking at Emily and thinking... I can’t leave you... pathetic!... Most Mums can’t wait and certainly wouldn’t leave it to 8 months!!

I can’t let Neil down... or Jude for that matter... think he’s looking forward to spending some quality time with his baby sister... as well as having no other women around for a few hours...

Romance is Dead

8 months and 4 days old

Couldn’t do it... I’m pathetic... Just not ready... got to half an hour before we were about to leave and I had to give Neil the sorry news... what’s wrong with me? Mothers leave their children every day... doesn’t mean they’re a bad mother... it’s me who has the problem... Neil looked forlorn when I told him... can’t blame him... I’m the loony toon... I wouldn’t have had been able to relax... guess there are no rule books here...

Neil went out with Jude instead... had a great time. They needed some persuading... but it was good for them... used to go out just them two all the time and haven’t done it for ages... abandoned the restaurant for Nando’s... and... saw a different film from the one he had planned with me... think he enjoyed it more... all action and sci fi... made me feel better too... the selfish gene!!!

Straw Poll

8 months and 6 days old

Well... according to my readers... a small majority of you think I am pathetic and I need to “woman up” and get out and have some time with Neil - just the two of us. Not a lot of sympathy from some of you... thanks!! Neil gets all the sympathy! Not good for my relationship.

However... a sizeable minority of you think everyone’s different and why hurry these things... I’ll be able to leave her when she’s sixteen... or even sixteen months so why be worried about 8 months... I’ll do it in my own time...

Attachment Parenting

8 months and 9 days old

Thank you to ClosetoyouMum08 for getting in touch and telling me about attachment parenting... think I’m more in that club than the controlled crying club... not sure about the breastfeeding until Emily starts school!!??... think Neil would leave me... but... at least I shouldn’t feel guilty about not leaving her at 8 months. There are more cultures in the world where the baby goes everywhere with Mum until they start walking than where Mum leaves Baby… So I’m not alone!

Diane My Hero

8 months and 13 days

Diane went to see Rick again. I went over... with Rosie this time... as back up... to look after the children while she went to see him. She took the older ones out of school for the afternoon to see their Dad... hadn’t seen him for ages... while... we... looked after the twins. Actually... Rosie did everything... she was brilliant... a natural... had them all lined up with their rattles and toys... entertaining them. I was redundant... Emily adores the delightful and delectable Dinah and wants to do everything that she does. Zack just keeps himself amused while Hope... who is much smaller... sits in her bouncy chair... playing with a toy. Rosie is seven months pregnant and has three times the energy that I have... she’s a phenomenon.

Diane returned on a high... said Rick was thrilled to see the kids... he was on great form...

One Direction Eat Your Heart Out

8 months and 17 days old

From very sorry beginnings... the Babies and Mummies... and... (not forgetting One very SEXY Daddy)... music group has made great progress - they are even starting to make music... today... Emily grabbed hold of a tambourine and sort of started to bang it... she did chew it a bit too... Sonny had the maracas and banged them in time to the music on Zack’s head... and... Dinah threw some bells at Ben... but it did make a good sound... could catch on... It was Roanna who flirted this time with Richard... she’s terrible... talk about making it obvious... oblivious to the rest of us... I can see how she got Simon now... had him eating out of her hand... apparently he’s a cartoonist - works from home for some national newspapers... his partner... is some superhead... runs three academies... bet he doesn’t see much of... HIM... HAHAHAHA GAY DADS - all that flirting for nothing girls... Although for once my ‘gaydar' failed me...

#losingmytouch

Baby Einstein

8 months and 21 days old

It’s official - Emily is clearly a genius!! I am certain that she said her first word today - at 11.11 to be precise... MOMA... OF COURSE!!... Neil does not believe me... such a doubter... would have been different if she’d said DADA. He’s got the camera ready now for her to do it again... well... that’s the kiss of death... isn’t it?... Won’t be saying that again... that’s my excuse anyway... can say she was a genius until it was knocked on the head by her paparazzi father... this is when she doesn’t speak again until she’s eight!!

Laughter

8 months and 24 days old

Did you know that a baby laughs more than 40 times MORE than an adult... and it just gradually diminishes, the older they get. Probably didn’t know it but you would if you watched a baby for a few hours... and... an adult??? Babies are incontinent too... maybe if grown ups wore nappies too, they would laugh more... guess not.

Baby Shower

8 months and 29 days old

Been busy organising a baby shower for Rosie... where does that come from? Must be an American import - sure we didn’t used to have them... a new invention. I had one before I left work on maternity leave... made me terrified that something would go wrong... but... then that’s me... Miss Paranoid. I’m looking forward to this one... will be a good chance for us all to get together.

Emergency

9 months old

God... what an awful night... spent it in A&E with Emily... rushed her in at 11pm last night... went to feed her and noticed that she was burning... called Neil and he rang 999 and before we knew it we were being rushed through the streets of Leeds with the blue light and siren to the hospital... my heart was pounding and we couldn’t even look at each other... that was the worst thing... in case we could tell what each other was thinking... Emily just slept... red hot. Got her there and you know it’s serious when they rush you straight through and people don’t mind... anyway before I panic you all... turns out she was fine... after taking us up to a ward... and a few hours of Hell... turns out it was just some mystery 12 hour virus... it happens!

Wow... it’s in moments like those that you realise how frightening being a parent is because there is nothing in the world that you won’t do for your baby... they are the most precious thing in your life and nothing else has any importance... it’s terrifying to know that you love somebody that much... I do... we do...

She’s fine now... you wouldn’t guess that anything had happened unless you look at the pair of us... we’re knackered... and... traumatised... and thankful... Thank God!!

Dad’s Drink

9 months and 6 days old

The Dads are taking Jude out tonight - there’s Dev, Simon and Neil of course... the Dad taking the Dad out... Neil was on a high again... he’s so proud of Jude... they were starting off at Dev’s uncle’s restaurant for a curry because Dev couldn’t get off work until 9 because they’re so busy... they didn’t want to start without him... glad they all get on so well... our big day later this week...

A Shower of Friends

9 months and 10 days old

Rosie’s baby shower today... what a special day. Had it at the flat. All the gang came round... Roanna and Sonny (still the Super Sleeper), Jasmin and the Princess Amber... Dianne and the twins... Vicky and Big, Bouncing Ben and Rosie of course with the Delightful and Delectable Dinah. Rosie loved it... think it gave her a chance to concentrate on the baby to come for the first time... instead of the baby that is. She got loads of presents - beautiful teeny tiny baby grows that make you realise how massive ours are now. It’s crawling madness, when we all get together... 9 months has to be the best age ever. They’re all big bouncing babies with oodles of fat on their thighs and smiles that light up the room... our babies... our big gorgeous babies... haven’t we done well... just think what we’ve all gone through... together... and on our own... and... here we are on the eve of the next big chapter of our lives... for some... a new job... for others... back to work... for others... a family again... and... for others... a new baby... how exciting... can’t wait!!