Twins: Our new carer saved us from heartbreak of separation
When Stacey Dooley was recording her podcast, Fresh Starts, one of the episodes that moved her the most was with Paul and Richard, twin brothers with learning difficulties who faced the unthinkable prospect of living apart when their auntie died.
She visited the brothers at their new home in Wales to find out how they were building a family with their new carer, Tina.
Listen to the podcast episode Paul and Richard: A Family From Another Valley on BBC Sounds!
An inseparable pair of brothers
Identical twin brothers Paul and Richard have not had the easiest life. They have been without their mum, who has mental health issues and lives in a care home, for a significant time.
He always looks out for me, same as I do for him”Paul
The 35-year-olds also both have learning difficulties which means they cannot live alone. Fortunately, their Auntie Glenys was able to carry on their care when their mother was unable to, encouraging them to "live life to the full".
“We’ve been through thick and thin together,” explained Richard.
“He’s such an amazing brother,” continued Paul, “He always looks out for me, same as I do for him.”
The bond between the brothers is so tight that when they go out and – separately – shop for a birthday card, they often end up buying the same one for each other!
An uncertain future
Paul and Richard lived happily with their Auntie Glenys in the Welsh valleys until a year ago, when she sadly died of lung cancer. The brothers faced being split up and going into care.
We were really scared about the future. Where were we going to live?"Richard
It was an unimaginable prospect, especially given their bond. But placing siblings together in a new home can be difficult.
When Richard talked to Stacey about the passing of his aunt, he welled up. “We were really scared about the future. Where were we going to live? Who was going to look after us?”
Paul added: “There was so much uncertainty and there was so much fear about what was going to happen next. There were a few times when I just broke down.”
A new chapter…
There was a lot at stake for Richard and Paul. They could have ended up in different care homes and in an environment that was not suitable for their needs.
Tina asked us if we wanted to live with her permanently and the rest was history"Richard
Luckily, their social worker, Sarah, was in contact with Shared Lives, a charity that helps a wide range of people live together, including older people and people with disabilities. Through the charity, the twins met Tina who took them into her home.
Though a massive relief, it was not plain sailing. Richard recalled that, although he liked Tina, he did not gel with her immediately because he was still grieving for his aunt. As time went on, things shifted.
“It was only going to be a respite to begin with,” recalled Richard, “but then, one night, Tina asked us if we wanted to live with her permanently and the rest was history after that.”
Richard now credits Tina with helping him with his anxiety, which had worsened with his aunt’s cancer. “She is a special person in her own right…like a big sister. She taught us that you don’t have to be blood related to have a family.”
Meanwhile, Paul was also on a journey with Tina; one that ended well. “As time went on, I began to realise that I was part of this family and everybody kept telling me that, and I felt so appreciated.”
Tina’s story
Tina reciprocates the love the twins have for her. “When I first met the boys, they had just lost their auntie and, bless them, all they did was cry. I just fell in love with them.
It's amazing to have the boys as part of my life"Tina
They have the biggest hearts ever, they always buy food for the food banks and give money to Children in Need, and they need looking after. In the best possible way, they look after me too. They really do.”
When she met Paul and Richard, Tina had been working with people with learning disabilities for over 15 years, including with Shared Lives. However, until then, she had never had the space to offer anything permanent.
“It's amazing to have the boys as part of my life and see what, with encouragement, they've become. It's been fantastic to watch, and they call me ‘big sis’ even though they are a lot taller than me, which is quite mad!”
Paul and Richard have a much more settled life now, and they can start to plan more activities.
We’ve got a lot more things to look forward to”Paul
They are both excited about the prospect of going on holiday again, and have their eye set on Benidorm where they can do some of the things they enjoy, such as mini-golf, playing arcade machines and swimming. “We’ve got a lot more things to look forward to,” said Paul.
“Tina doesn’t want us to be stressed or upset by anything,” said Richard, “she just wants us to be happy and enjoying our lives to the full, like our Aunty Glenys wanted us to.”
