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How to manage your finances as a blended family

Growing numbers of children are being raised in households made up of a mix of step siblings, half siblings and full siblings. They're often called blended families.

The number of households living this way is on the increase, with some reports suggesting as many as one in three families are made up of a mix of children from different sets of parents. That can make for joyful chaos, challenging logistics and also tricky financial decisions for parents and their new partners as they try to keep things fair.

From birthday present spending to holidays to making a will – suddenly family finances can be far more of a balancing act and with far more pitfalls.

That was the topic of a recent special episode of Money Box Live, where Felicity Hannah spoke to parents, step parents and adult children about fairness, finances and families. Here are their tips on making the money work.

Listen to the full episode on BBC Sounds

Talk about the money in advance

One of the most important pieces of advice was to accept that financial decisions can be more complex in a blended family and it’s vital to recognise that in advance.

Conversations need to happen before families are brought together.

“We know that money is a big factor for all families, regardless of the circumstances,” says Jo Thurston, a parenting coach and advisor for Parent Talk, the free online support service from the charity Action for Children.

“But yes, there are more strains and difficulties surrounding a blended family. Merging two lives together with different families, different children, different incomes and different expenditure, that can be really, really difficult to do.”

“Communication is the key,” agrees Liz Wyatt, family lawyer and partner at Anthony Collins Solicitors. “I think a lot of people get very excited about new relationships and new family setups, and they think that things will go smoothly.” She believes that conversations need to happen before families are brought together, to tease out some of the financial issues that might arise and lay ground rules.

Fairness doesn't always mean even

A lot of contributors agreed that being fair doesn’t mean every child has to get exactly the same amount spent on them.

“When I met my husband, I already had two [children] – my son is now 23, my daughter's 22,” explains Helen. “He had three children who are now 20, 19, and 12, and we've got a son together who's seven.

“When we first spent together as a family, we were desperately trying to make everything fair, to the point we actually just bought so many presents, because we were trying to get the number of presents the same… The children actually got bored opening presents and we had to say to ourselves, ‘this is ridiculous!’ One of the things we sort of worked out is fair is not always even. Different children need things at different times and just because one child needs a new coat or a new pair of trainers doesn't mean they all do.”

Avoid counting every penny

It won’t be possible for everyone but Helen says it’s best not to keep receipts and try to tally everything with the other biological parent.

“When I went 50-50 with my ex-husband, the idea was we split everything, you know, school uniforms, school trips. But the smaller day-to-day things [I didn’t want to] go ‘oh, you owe me £30’ because it just creates bad feelings.”

Changing families can change the financial support

When parents separate, living arrangements can mean that one pays child maintenance to the other. However, that amount can change if they then have another child or even move in with a new partner and their children, if they become financially responsible for them.

Jo Thurston says: “If they have another child together, then the Child Maintenance Service will then reassess the amount of money that they need to be paying for each child. So it can cause concerns and issues and a little bit of anxiety along the way as circumstances change.”

Being aware that the financial support for a child can change is important for parents and step-parents to consider.

Talk to the children about the spending

When children live in different households and with step and half siblings, it can make them more sensitive to when others are treated differently. Helen says it’s extra important for blended family parents to explain differences in spending to their children.

“I think the big thing we do is to just really communicate things with the children, especially as they get older, so they know we’re not picking favourites. We've got two at uni, one’s moved out, one of my stepsons is still with us full time. But there’s been times we've also then taken my youngest on holiday, just him.”

She also says that simply managing the logistics of an affordable holiday can be a struggle: “The biggest issue we've had about holidays is when the children were younger, was just the logistics of it. So you find a holiday that's affordable, it fits everybody, it’s fun. And then you start asking the other parents – my husband has two ex-partners, I have one. Two say ‘yep, that date’s fine for us’ and then the third says ‘we can’t do that date’!”

Inheritances need careful thought

While a lot of parent thinking goes on making things fair in childhood, having a blended family can make adult financial planning more complicated too. That’s especially true when it comes to wills and inheritance.

Denise contacted the programme with her story: “We’d never really had a close relationship with my step-mum, if you want to call her that. She’d been in our lives since I was probably about 10, I’m 50 now. They weren’t married. So once my dad passed, she changed the will and then made sure that just her children were listed in the will. We were told that we weren’t included. It just was an awful situation.”

Liz Wyatt says this can be a common but deeply upsetting issue for families made of children from different parents. “If Denise’s father’s will was valid and he left everything to his wife then legally she would own all his assets outright after his death. This meant that she had full control to decide what to do with them in her own will. So, unfortunately, verbal promises or informal agreements generally have no legal weight unless they’re documented.”

She also warned that so-called mirror wills, where two people draw up matching agreements, can still be changed so there is no guarantee that money will pass to a partner’s children after their step-parent has died.

Get the help you're entitled to

For households where money is tight, managing the finances of a blended family can add to the pressure. That’s especially true if children are moving between households on very different incomes.

Jo Thurston says: “There’s a lot of mum guilt and parental guilt around, maybe not being able to provide as much as the other parent, not having the same holidays, not having the same activities to go to. If you’re really struggling with money, it’s always good to check whether you’re entitled to any benefits, any grants. It’s surprising sometimes to find that a lot of people don’t know what they’re entitled to. Organisations like Turn2Us are really good to contact because they will do a benefits calculator for you and let you know what you may or may not be eligible for.”

She also encouraged parents to look for free local activities, library events and toy swaps. “You can still give your children lovely things without having to necessarily spend the same amount of money as the other parent. And of course, time and attention is always what they really, really want.”

You can hear more from the parents and experts featured in Money Box Live's blended families episode by listening on BBC Sounds now.

The information in this article was correct at the time of broadcast on 17 December, 2025.

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