Ali Plumb's Top Five Greatest Peep Show Episodes

Photos © Channel 4

Friends: American. The Simpsons: American. Time for a British TV show top five, I think. Here, then, are my five(ish) favourite Peep Show episodes ever.

Sure, at 54 episodes strong compared to say, The American Office's 201, there are fewer to choose from, but that doesn't make this any easier, no sir. Like The Simpsons, there are just too many utterly brilliant episodes, so ultimately it's all a matter of personal taste.

And with that in mind, let me say straight out of the gate that I do not care for the "Eating the dog's leg" moment of 'Holiday' (Series 4, Episode 5). To me, it goes way over the top and breaks the always-somewhat-realistic Peep Showiness (my term) of Peep Show. I'm not saying it jumps the shark, but it does undeniably eat the dog.

I should also point out that though there are exceptional moments I haven't mentioned here, what I am looking for are the very best episodes as a whole. So while the 'Mark flailing about like a collapsing windmill' boogie wonderlandery of 'Dance Class' is excellent (and just so Rainbow Rhythms), the rest of the episode doesn't quite live up to it. Perhaps you could say the same of the sectioning back-and-forth of, um, 'Sectioning' (Series 3, episode 2), but... what am I saying? That's an amazing episode and a terrible example. I guess I just wanted to flag it up because I feel guilty about not including it in my top five.

But enough phumphering, let's do this, for El Dude Brothers. *does truck horn noise and hand gesture*

I partly include 'Threeism' because I wanted to tip a cap to the impressively bleak final season, and things being as they are - spoiler alert - I ended up choosing the rest of my top five from the first half of the show’s run. Now’s probably a good time to remind you that at nine series over 12 years, Peep Show is Channel 4's longest-running sitcom ever, winning the Rose d'Or and a clutch of BAFTAs along the way. In short: it’s good. But you knew that.

Anyway! At this point in the saga, Jeremy is a life coach - one who’s sleeping with his clients, Joe and Megan (pictured), forming a very awkward and typically Peep Show love triangle. Mark meanwhile has been keeping tabs on “the one that got away”, April, the shoe shop clerk he’d followed back to Dartmouth Uni in a desperate attempt to win her over years earlier (‘University Challenge’, Series 2, Episode 3, another stellar episode). Despite April being married, Mark invites her over for a “dinner party” where the other unreliable guests “won’t turn up” in an attempt to seduce her. Needless to say, that doesn’t happen, with April, her husband Angus, Joe, Megan, Jez and Mark all crowded round a tiny table to maintain the pretence that everything is totally normal and fine.

In a nutshell, this is the one where the incredible writers behind it all, Jesse Armstrong and Sam Bain, pull the trigger on the tried-and-true sitcom staple of “the uncomfortable dinner party”, doing so in such a brilliantly Peep Showy way. It starts off with one of my favourite Jez ‘n’ Mark conversations ever (over a fruit corner), before barrelling into Indiana Jones references, Mark’s blue eye make-up, mashed-up baked beans mixed with pasta, toe-clashing three-way footsie, drawing lines on cheddar to make it look like stilton and just so much Mark madness you can’t help but snort with laughter. I love that they bring April back and I love just how utterly bananas Mark is by this point, and come the ninth series, I feel like we’ve earned it.

Favourite quote:

Mark, after hearing Angus and April are on the rocks: [voiceover] "Stop actually rubbing my hands"

Absolutely prime Peep Show here: the first appearance of Big Mad Andy, Mark being horribly ill, Mark pretending not to be horribly ill, Jeremy "drugging" Mark, Jeremy trying to seduce Big Suze with shrooms, Mark being locked in his own bedroom whilst also really needing the toilet... the list goes on and on.

It's a lovely / not-so-lovely comedy of errors, with Mark finally calling up Johnson for help, only for him to see him mid-motion, embarrassing himself as everyone but Mark and Jeremy leaves. It's just a perfect Seinfeldian dovetail ending, where all parties and all plots come together and explode awkwardly at its deranged denouement. Plus: toilet humour, always funny. Okay, sometimes funny.

Favourite quote:

Jeremy: "You da man!"
Mark: "I'm a man!"
Jeremy: "It's you da man."
Mark: "Whatever, Jeremy, let's not quibble. I'm a man!"

I'll admit it straight up: I am totally fudging this one. Ultimately, of the 'Sophie and Mark get married for all the wrong reasons' episodes, 'Wedding' is my favourite - Jeremy's bladder nearly bursting somehow always gets me, if only for reasons outlined earlier - but I can't help but watch 'Quantocking' (Series 3, Episode 6), then 'Sophie's Parents' (Series 4, Episode 1), then 'Wedding', all on the bounce, so they tend to smush into one awkward countryside lump. In a good way.

If we concentrate on 'Wedding' however, you've got some real gold. After all the barn-burning and books-through-the-postbox, we at long last come to the day of days: Mark and Sophie finally getting hitched. Yes, there are the big broad moments like Super Hans vomiting into hats (and shoes), but what makes this such a special episode is how fantastically ludicrous and still truly realistic it all is.

This situation could happen, "We're over the hump" and all. Not to many people, fine, but it really could. It feels so perfectly possible in Peep Show land, Mark’s inaction and worry resulting in complete catastrophe, the whole affair managing to be properly emotional and flat-out hilarious one moment to another. You really feel for Sophie, you really do - almost as much as you feel for Jez's bladder.

Oh, and if you ever want a really good laugh in a short sharp burst, watch the sequence where Mark’s simultaneously very angry and very grateful after Jeremy reveals he once snogged Sophie. It is perfection.

Favourite quote:

Mark: "You know, you do smell really quite strongly of piss."
Jeremy: "And your hat and shoes smell of puke, so I guess neither of us are exactly the king, are we?"

Peep Show is truly blessed with exceptional supporting characters, and Johnson is a stunning example of just that. Handsome, successful and just the right side of utterly lame, you too could imagine falling head over heads for him as he lectures you on Tony Blair's spin machine. Mimicking his smooth as silk voice remains, well, seconds of fun to this day.

But to see Mark try to tackle his sexuality head-on - "I'm 85% sure I'm straight" - as he ruminates on genitalia and watches gay pornography is just divine. Then there's the "Are you a pathetic, worthless punk?" workplace roleplay, Johnson trying to get Mark to be rude about Sophie, Jeremy getting jealous - "How does he like his toast?!" - the fight in the sushi restaurant, Mark's Clarksonesque car crash driving experiment and of course, "the bad thing". Jeremy's eventual recollection of "the bad thing" slays me every single time.

Favourite quote:

Mark: "But, the relocation thing, moving out on Jeremy... It feels a bit weird, Dad."
Johnson: "Sorry?"
Mark: "It feels weird, Daddio."
Mark: [voiceover] "Good save."

This episode is just so undeniably the best ever it makes part of this top five list mildly pointless. To prove my point, here are just some of the incredibly quotable lines that all come from this one episode:

"That crack is really more-ish."
"Four naan Jeremy - four? That’s insane!"
"I want a kebab."
"C'mon Super Hans, let's get you some crack."
"Oh God, I'm even boring when I'm a Nazi."
"Are you pretending to write?"
"Nice packet of Crunchy Nut you got here. Pretty expensive, as I recall."

These outstanding, meme-worthy moments to one side, there's also the two amazing plotlines running parallel here: Mark finally making a new friend at work (who ends up being a racist) and Jeremy getting a music gig from a guy he bullied at school, only to blow all his fee before he actually gets paid. Daryl the neo-Nazi playing the cor anglais, and that being the only part of Jeremy's song that Gog likes is just the icing on the cake, also allowing for Mark to deliver his 'Racism is not on' speech from the safety of an audio booth.

Honestly, it's all just gold. Purest Peep Show gold. Nothing but net. All killer, no filler. What I'm trying to say is this: I love 'Jeremy Makes It', like I love Häagen-Dazs and my broadband provider. Like, a lot.

Favourite quote:

Gog: "What I want is something classic. You remember the theme tune from Jaws? Well, I don't want anything like that, obviously. I want something completely different. I want something that, when people hear it, they'll immediately go 'Yeah'."