Six toxic tins couple fit tok during fight and how Harvard psychologist say make you answer

Gaslighting na manipulation method wey dey make pipo doubt say dia head dey correct and weda dem dey see reality wella.

Di pipo wey dey run am, dey do am on purpose to get something.

Dr Cortney S. Warren wey be clinical psychologist for Harvard University tell BBC Mundo say, "na human way. Although times dey wey we fit dey 'gas' pesin and we no go know".

Wetin dey make dis kain tin dangerous be say e dey hard to know wen dem dey gas you.

So how you go do am?

One of di tins wey you suppose notice na wen pesin tell you wetin make you feel insecure and uncomfortable, "like you dey question yourself", na how Warren wey also be di author of Letting Go of Your Ex: Skills to Heal the Pain of a Breakup and Overcome Love Addiction (2023) explain am.

She recommend make you pause wen pesin say sometin "toxic" wey make us feel uncomfortable and stop to tink wetin e tok wey enta our bodi one kain like dat.

Dat way you fit see wia you dey vulnurable and work on am.

Warren explain am in three steps wey be awareness, evalusation and action.

Di goal na to know yourself and build strong self-esteem to fit ansa gaslighting situation.

Warren sat "you get your own perspective, your feelings, your experience, your history, your background. Form dat place, you Gatz dey confident to handle anything with respect and boundaries".

Buut since dat kain tin no dey dey straight forward like dat, BBC Mundo follow di psychologist tok about di toxic tins wey pipo fot tok for argument and how you go fit ansa.

1. "You dey craze/ You dey overreact/ You too dey sensitive"

Na di most popular one be dat

If pesin tell you dat kain tin, dem dey basically tell you say you no sabi wetin dey happun for real life.

Wen dem tell you say you too dey sensitive, yes you fit dey dat at di time sake of sat you dey feel more emotional. But dat one dey okat.

E no dey help sake of say wen pesin tell you dat kain tin just comot any sensible criticism, needs or emotions you get dat time and dey dismiss any concerns you go get as say na because you dey over emotional even though e make sense.

One possible way to ansa na:

Di sabi pesin give more advise about how to handle dis kain toxic tok. E fit be say you dey go through very strong emotionand e good to pause di tok-tok say, "I wan take sometime to breathe to explain wetin dey really bother me."

2. "I just dey joke"

Dis toxic tok dey normally come afta dem don tok sometin wey dey harsh and hurtful.

Sometines di pesin fit make critical comments, or mean jokes. Dem mean am o but dem o wan come form like say na joke.

Warren say e dey important to tok say di tok-tok no dey funny.

One possible ansa na:

3. "Na you make me do am/ Na your fault"

Manipulative pipo dey like blame odas for wetin dem do.

So dem fit tell you say, "I shout for your head because you dey wrong" or "you come home late, so na you make me shout for you."

But Warren tok "you no dey ever, ever, ever responsible for wetin anoda pesin do".

Inside dis line, na also blaming anoda pesin for "everything", na statement wey dey extreme and as such na lie.

Way always dey wey we dey add for di wahala for our relationships, but you know fit blame one pesin alone for all di relationship palava.

One possible ansa na:

If dem try blame you for dia choices, make you clear dem say:

Wen dem dey blame you for di whole problem, e beta make you get middle ground like:

4. "If you love me, you go do dis/ let me do dis"

Dis fit come from wanting you to pay all di bills, stop to dey tok to pesin or open di relationship.

Di last one na wetin Dr Warren dey ear pass.

"Sometimes pipo dey tok dis kain tin to ask for different sex tins wey dia partner no wan do. Na gaslighting wey dem wan use scata your boundaries", na how she see am.

And e dey add guilty conscience as if you too dey strong head for some kain tins.

"For any relationship, na give nad take. We all get different needs and e dey healthy but no be wen dem come use am as reason to make you do sometin wey you no wan do or pressure you by sayinf you no love enough, you no be good partner or las-las you no dey good enough."

Di psychologist say make we tink about di boundary we get and stick to am.

One ansa yo fit give na:

5. "Everybodi gree with me but you..."

Dis na wen pesin try to justify wetin dem dey tok say you be difficult pesin or whateva dem dey tok. Dem go use di argument say oda important pipo for your life like family, work colleagues or any oda pesin, tink like dem dey tink.

E dey make di maltreatment to dey more believable, dem go try gada oda pipo wey in theory go tink like di gaslighter.

Na method wey dem go fit use take isolate you, to make you feel like say you be less than dem with outside support, wey normally no dey real. E dey disrespectful and na lie.

One ansa you fit give na:

Di goal of dis ansa na to know say, just as you dey tok for yourself, na so di gaslighter dey tok for imself. And if anoda pesin get beef with you, una be adults and fit use tok squash di wahala.

6. "Di real problem be say..."

Dis na way to try change di subject, from wetin you wan tok about.

E dey be like magic one kain, like "I know you dey tok dis one, but di koko of di mata no dey hia, e dey dat side."

Di work for di ansa for dis toxic tok na to stay focus for di main issue and no let di oda pesin carry tok go anoda side. No let dem dstract you or switch up on you.

You fit say sometin like: