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A-Z 94.9 PresentersYou are in: London > Radio > 94.9 Presenters > A-Z 94.9 Presenters > Hodgkin's Lymphoma diary  Eddie Nestor Hodgkin's Lymphoma diaryBBC London presenter Eddie Nestor was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma - cells in the lymph nodes that have become cancerous - in February this year. Here he writes about his diagnosis, treatment and recovery Week 8Went to the hospital for an ultrasound today (to see if the clot has cleared up from the infection in my arm) and it is surprising just how many people you get to know when you have been in and out of a hospital for four months or so. There was the nurse who signed me into the ward when I was first admitted for my six day stay. He kindly let me in to his parking space. There was that young female doctor whose manner I didn’t really take to. Happy to pass her quickly and shocked to see that she CAN smile. As I get to ultrasound I notice the number of missed appointments on the wall. 320 in April, 300 in May and 290 in June. Wow that is a lot of missed appointments. How much time and money, I wonder, each year is wasted in the NHS by people not turning up for appointments? My name is called ahead of people who look like they have been sitting there for quite some time. There is that moment when everyone shuffles their disapproval but I happily stride on in.  Eddie and wife Lisa It wasn’t until another nurse came in who remembered me from Casualty (the Show) that she could properly recall how much pain I had caused her. On the way out and happily clot free I literally bumped into the Day Centre nurse, Sister Sarah. (The day centre is where I have my cancer treatment) She narked me by saying what so many people do when they see me. I always feel like saying: “It’s the cancer, you should try it. Helps you lose weight and really clears up any bad skin”. But I don’t because that would be rude and as you know if you listen to my shows I am not rude. Numbers have been right up there at the front of all conversations this week and it is really scary. The first numbers concern my mum who has helped bring my weight back up to 12st after watching it fall to 11st 3lb in the days immediately after coming out of hospital. Mum needs to go back to St Lucia which is gutting for me and my wife. We were trying to negotiate dates round my chemo. This is how it worked out:On August 3rd I will have my 8th treatment. (I have two a month) That will basically trigger the most important two weeks of my life; because between then and the next treatment on Aug 17th I will have a test to see how well, or not, the chemo has been going. It is the policy of the hospital to do six months no matter what. So these are the scenarios that we may have to face up to:
As the time draws nearer it gets more and more difficult to conceal my fear. My world of extremes only sees me healed or told that there is nothing anyone can do. The experience of being told by the doctor you have cancer is surreal. And I am not really sure how you prepare yourself for the follow up. Anyway back to numbers and my mum. Whatever happens I have made up my mind that I might have to be careful with the truth where she is concerned. If she does have to go back around about the 19th it will not be with the worry of her “big son” and his bad news hanging round her neck and pricking at any conscience. Week 7Just before I am due to have my treatment I turn into a complete idiot. You see, I've had two weeks to recover from my last dose and I feel great. There is part of me that wants to run as far away from the hospital as I can because they are going to stick needles in me, poison me and make me feel ill again. So my mind is in turmoil. I do things that don't really make sense. Today, I somehow managed to put the cordless phone in my pocket and take it to work. Last time I got lost round the corner from my house. What is that about? Well, I think it is a manifestation of my fear, weird that I know it is for my own good yet I still have a real fear. I have had a few calls from friends this week and an awful lot of ribbing about my comments in last week's diary about being "The Man." I tell you: sickness is humbling. And that reminds me of something that happened when we first found out I had the big "C." If you are of an age (and at 30, I am) they ask you if you would like to freeze your sperm as chemo can, in some cases, render you infertile. Obviously we talked about it but really it was a no brainer. It was the reason we got married in the first place. To start a family and live happily ever after, like they do in the fairytales. Of course we want to freeze them. It would probably be alright but just in case. I mean it can't hurt can it? Emma our technician explained that I may have to come in a couple of times to get to the required amount. Well I don't know why but as "The Man" I took this as a bit of a challenge. It was as though she was saying "Real Men" do it in one go. In and out (so to speak). It was strange, as my wife had volunteered to come to every single meeting with me, except this one!!!! My name was called and I was shown to a room, there were magazine's in a corner and it felt weird… FOUR times I had to go back. By the time I had finished they all seemed to know me by name, it was horrible and embarrassing. But now I look back, extremely funny. Since I have been ill it has changed other things too, I now understand the significance of a hug and a cuddle. I've become a very good cuddler. Eating a lot of junk at the minute, just seems to be what I like, by the time I write my next diary entry, I'm hoping to have brought a juicer… So I can start taking those vegetables that everybody tells me I should be having at the moment. Who knows I might even try eating Brussels sprouts... Urghh! Week 6Just sitting here looking through the window as “Chemo Head” clears and thinking 'wow'. It is supposed to be the height of summer but the seasons this year haven’t quite been right. Too hot in April and too wet in June. Just not right. But then I’ve never spent quite as much time just staring through windows as I have this year so maybe I am just imagining things. It is so nice to be back in the land of the conscious. It's like one of those films when things gradually become clearer and clearer until it all eventually makes sense. Been focusing a bit on the negative recently. It is such a fine balancing act. I have been looking at my rest days as ‘bad’ days and getting myself depressed about it as opposed to looking at them as ‘healing’ days so I can get back on the radio and have a fantastic week, knowing that I am one treatment nearer to being back to full health. I have always talked about the glass being “half full” or “half empty” but it’s never really made sense like it does now. I am sick and yes I might die but there are people much worse off than me. Am I rambling? I feel like I am but that is the way I feel. As I child I was never, ever bored. Don’t know why just never felt bored. I made things up in my head, always have done. Added to the fact that I am a Gemini it means that I live in a world of extremes which with my illness means one day I am just temporarily out of order and the next I am never going to get better. Work, family, friends, this diary and my wife all act as a positive in my life but I would be lying if I told you I did not and do not often go to some dark places.
This is the text: "This is about focus. You said there are hard days but it is looking forward to the good days that keep us all going. We have to focus on the reward. Keep your eyes on the prize." Thursday 28th JuneWe’ve just had a “domestic”. My wife is angry because she thinks I want to do too much, that I am not taking the time I need to heal. I don’t agree. I am a man and I know what I am doing; I know how hard I can push myself, blah, blah, blah. Then I see the tears start to well up in her eyes as she explains {again} that things are not what they used to be, that I am ill and I stop and think.  Kath Melandri and Eddie Nestor in 2003 Do you really want to carry on being “the man” or are you going to listen to the woman who invariably has to clean up the mess? Funny that, we used to have loads of arguments and they would last for ages. Not any more. Now I look through the window, wait for things to become clear and find a way to back down. Don’t want to spoil today as it’s my biggie. I go back to work after nearly a week away. Not nearly as nervous as last time but feel like so much has happened in a week. Old Prime minister gone. New one in place. Biggest cabinet reshuffle in living memory. Seven teenagers killed on the streets of London. Parking attendant in serious condition after being attacked. Tim Henman at Wimbledon. The Spice Girls reforming to say a “proper” goodbye and Sunday sees a total smoking ban in pubs, clubs and restaurants. Can I jump straight back in? I don’t know but trying is what is keeping me going. Week 5Saturday 23rd June It's weird I seem to write this diary just before something big happens. You would imagine the cancer would be quite big wouldn’t you? But for the last couple of weeks it has been work. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t bring its own stresses. My Sunday show, of which I am very proud of, has come under increased scrutiny. It is, everyone accepts, very good. But after market research, there is a school of thought that it maybe a bit heavy for a Sunday morning. We have a pattern that sets in at the moment with the chemo, which is that I have it on a Friday, Saturday the energy levels start to run down a bit, Sunday I’m right on the wire and Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I am completely flat out. I cannot work. It starts to pick up again by Thursday, so I’m well enough to go back to drive time with Kath holding my hand. It is important to me that I can effect any change that needs to happen in the Sunday show but I also know I cant do it unless I am able to be there every week and actually I don’t just mean, be there, I mean be able to actively and creatively take part in the show's creative process. And I will only be certain of my ability to do that after this week's show. Sunday 24th JuneIt's 8pm and I have just woken up, how did the show go? Well I had a number of texts that said it went well and even my ever doubtful wife said she could not tell the difference and that it was nice hearing the sergeant read e-mails. last updated: 10/04/2008 at 15:42 Have Your Saygary Sylvia abie Myra jamal Terry C Bernard julia child Kevin Helen Fox (Bown) Elaine Rosie from Walthamstow Lorraine Aston Jones Jonnie of Brixton........ Jane of Waltham Abbey Mark - Streatham Dian Owen Da Truth Ann Joanne - Surrey Stacey Steve Patrick Amrita Actor Friend Lauren (Hackney) Sharon jonnie of brixton... TonyE Reg Nenita Clapham from New Southgate Karen St Lucia 2004 Mark Smith Ellie Joanne from South London Simone Deb from Ruislip Mo Margot Sue Mandy from Lee Green lee in stepney Mick Sheehan karen from blackpool Shirley Berridge Noel Ron Stuart in Ham Mary Tilo John Rita Lule PERRY O'HANLON Nick Gillian Andrea Jean Lippett irene jeff Jackie Winston SEE ALSOYou are in: London > Radio > 94.9 Presenters > A-Z 94.9 Presenters > Hodgkin's Lymphoma diary Podcast[an error occurred while processing this directive] Podcast[an error occurred while processing this directive] |
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